In Laws Want Huge Wedding, I don't…with a twist

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

At this point, if you want things to be fair monetarily and his side is pitching in $10K for the wedding, then you should pitch in the same amount.  And that will mean that your side and his side will get to invite the same amount of guests.  So, if the $20K buys you 200 guests, and you have 40 friends you want to invite then that leaves you with 160 guests, which means each side invites 80 guests. 

Seems like the only fair way to do it. 

 

 

 

Post # 3
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You can’t invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. That’s incredibly rude. Also, how did you not count the number of people if you had it in an excel spreadsheet? It counts the number for you. And how did you order the invitations without having the number of invites you would need? That makes no sense.

You should have stuck to your guns. At this point, start cutting things in your wedding to accommodate the extra guests.

Post # 4
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

In the end, yes they’re paying for flowers etc., but your parents are paying to feed not only their own guest and your guest, but you FIL guests as well so it is rude of them to expect you to pony up the rest of the money so they can invite hundreds of people that they don’t even know. Also it is rude of them to not care that you will be uncomfortable and upset on your wedding day because of the crowd, or for them to not care that you want to save some of the money to further your education. They have no right. Tell them that they have to cut it down to the amount you told them or you will have to cut it for them.

Post # 5
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Also, 250 people is in way shape or form “intimate”. Stop kidding yourself on that one.

Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

sarals24:  I agree, intimate to me would be a max of 80 people… which would even be pushing it. The ideal “intimate” would be 20-30 people.

Post # 8
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

Your fiancee needs to sit down with his parents and get them to cut the list down.

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I had to stop reading mid-way, but I am confused. You’re expecting people who have their water shut off regularly to pay for part of your wedding? How are they going to do that?

This whole wedding seems like a nightmare to me. 500 people, most of whom you won’t know? I would elope. Seriously, you are letting crazy people be in charge of your wedding. You’re ok with it?

Post # 10
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Have you sent out the invites yet? If not, then you need to tell them to cut the list down. If you already sent out the invites then sorry, you are pretty much screwed.

If it was me, I would tell them that either they can cut down the list with a deadline of one week from today, or you will cut it down for them. If you do not hear from them by the deadline, on the dot, you will send out the dinner invitations only to the 125 people on the list you think should be invited. They are clearly trying to put one over on you hoping that you just won’t notice they have doubled their guest list.

Make it clear you are not that unobservant and you will be sticking to your original plans. If they chose to pull their support, oh well, the guest list will be cut accordingly to just the friends and family you are closest with and you’ll have that lovely intimate wedding you always wanted. No time like a wedding to establish your boundaries and make clear that you will not be manipulated.

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