Post # 1
My son just turned 5 months and today my In-Laws asked if they could now have him once a week for the day. At first I was thinking well to be nice I should let them and said OK. But now I have super bad anxiety about it. I am fortunate enough to get a year off with him before I go back to work full time and he goes to daycare. I just feel like I want to have as much time with him now since I won’t get as much later on. No one else I know ever does this and it seems kind of weird to me. They tried to justify it as giving us a break but I know it is only because they just want their time with him. I get that he’s super cute who wouldn’t. But I don’t need every Monday to myself I wouldn’t know what to do. And I do know how lucky I am that I have people who want to be a part of his life and help out, but is it really helping out when I don’t need it right now. It would be super helpful when I go back to work and have to pay a baby sitter tho. Am I crazy for not wanting to let them have him once a week? How would you feel?
This topic was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Western.
Post # 2
No, not exactly. A WHOLE day without your baby, when he is still little and has never gone that long without you is scary. Couldn’t it just be for a few hours and ease into something longer over time.?
Post # 3
First, you are definitely not crazy! What does your DH think? After taking his views into consideration, you can tell your in-laws what you think, whether it be that you are not comfortable with that right now; that once a month (or whatever) is better; that a few hours is better; or whatever else. As someone without a baby it sounds like it could be nice to have some time to myself-to grocery shop, clean, sleep, exercise, read, whatever, but this is really about you and your family! Maybe you could change the timing so you get a once-a-month date night! Also, if they are willing to do this after you return to work you could transition into it; maybe spend a few hours there with both you and baby, then a few hours with just baby, working up to full days just a bit before you return to work so it isn’t as big a transition for baby. Best of luck with whatever you decide! Amd remember, this is up to you and your partner; YOU are the parents and get final say! Your in-laws may be upset but they will get over it.
Post # 4
I don’t have kids right now, so it’s hard to say how I’ll really feel about it. However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable. You will still have him 6 days a week and he will be home same day they have him. Grandparents usually don’t see their grandkids as often as they like and I think it’ll be a good bounding experience for your child. I’m not close or around my grandparents and sometimes I wish I l was. You still have the rest of his life and he is your child. Your in laws are older and want to spend as much time with him. Maybe alternate days and have those days as date night with the hubby. My in laws are in their 70s and FIL is really sick. Don’t know how much time we have with him. We are TTC this year and if they wanted a day with them, I would. Buy under their circumstances, being so much older, I’ll most likely be there too.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s unreasonable. You’ll have him 98% of the time and there may be some days you’re thankful you can take a shower in peace, paint your nails or simply go to a cafe with friends. Every parent needs “me” time, too. I’m not a parent (maybe never will be) but I raised my godson with his mother. Each of us were thankful for the days that a friend took him so we could simply have quiet. A “Full day” with the baby usually meant he came back in the late afternoon/early evening depending on his schedule & bed time, so we were never without him for a full 24 hours, but it was nice and we both enjoyed it, especially on his days when he was simply fussy or worse, teething!
I get where you’re coming from, but when you put it in a real world perspective, his grandparents will not have as much time with him as you will. That sounds morbid, but it’s true. They simply want to take in every moment they can.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re crazy, but at the same time, I don’t think their desire to take him on is unreasonable either. I think most of your friends probably don’t do this because they don’t have the opportunity to do it. I like sarahalthea‘s suggestion of easing into it – I think you’ll appreciate having the time on your own once you have it, but maybe start out with just a few hours at a time. If it goes well, you could increase the amount of time over a few weeks. I would bet that having the time on your own to run errands, get chores done, or just relax and take advantage of the opportunity to do things like go to the gym, take a bath, leisurely shop, or meet up with friends would be nice one day per week. (and, also, if you aren’t comfortable with them taking him all day, you don’t have to do that! Maybe just keep it to a few hours in the afternoon if you want)
Post # 7
I’m a parent and I find it kind of a weird request. A couple of hours, fine. But all day, once every week, seems excessive. He is your son, not theirs. You are the one who is responsible for him. Don’t feel pressured into letting them (or anyone else) mind him more than you’re comfortable with.
If you want to go back to work when he’s 1, and maybe get some free babysitting, I think it’d be better to slowly build up how much time he spends with them in the month or so before you go back to work.
Are you breastfeeding? I’m guessing not because for me, the pumping (which was difficult to impossible for me) would make it not worth the bother.
p.s. Since they are your husband’s parents, they should have asked him, and it might be better if he does the talking when you give your answer.
Post # 8
maybe you need to clarify with them what you ARE comfortable with. I agree with PPs that maybe all day is a little much, but is there a way you could structure your week so that it was practical? Maybe arrange all of your errands etc to one day of the week so that in the long run you are spending more fun time playing with your son anyways? I don’t have children yet, but I regularly watch my nephew in law while his mother goes grocery shopping, hits the gym, pays bills, gets a hair cut etc. If you dropped him off before lunch ran errands and picked him up just before dinner it seems like that might be a nice short dose of ‘me’ time if you need it.
Post # 9
You’re not crazy. I would say no. Haha! I miss DD, 6 months old, when she naps too long or DH is with her while I run errands. A whole day away? AND with the in laws? Forget it!
If you are home full time there is no reason for them to take him. Are you going to pump to feed him for that day? Too much fuss when you could nurse him. They coming to your house? If not you will have to pack up a ton and make sure your home is presentable.
Ease into it. Drop him off while grocery shopping, doctors/hair/nail appoinments, Pilates/yoga class. Always during a time he is awake so they can play with him. Review his schedule and rules with them. He is your child and they need to respect that. Be strong. GL!
Post # 10
I don’t think you’re crazy, but I do think that this is a perfectly reasonable request. As other PPs have said, your in laws will not be around forever and probably want to enjoy their grandson as much as possible while they’re able to. Also, on a side note, if you would like your in laws to take care of your son when you return to work, I think this would be an ideal opportunity for your son to bond with them more, as well as get used to their house before you go back to work, as I would imagine he’d be spending a lot of time there when they’re taking care of him. Just a POV I thought I’d add.
Post # 11
Just curious. Would it make a difference if your parents were asking for this request? Or is it partly because its your in-laws asking?
Post # 12
I don’t think their request is “crazy,” particularly with a younger infant. Their development happens so rapidly, and it’s fun to watch what they do next! “Oh look, I discovered my hand! Yay, I’ve got feet! Hey, you’re funny–I will crack up at everything you do!” Who wants to miss that? Especially grandparents! They don’t want the world from you, just a day a week. I think it’s sweet. But if you find that it’s too much, why not compromise and say once every 2 weeks, or once a month?
Post # 13
I think their request is crazy. They don’t have rights to this child so what the hell are you negotiating visitations rights for? That’s essentially what you’re doing. It’s all great that they can babysit if you need them, but to have an arrangement lie this seems very odd, like you’re going to co-parent or somehting. Set your boundaries!
Post # 14
Atalanta: So it is crazy and entitled of grandparents to want to spend time with their grandchild but A OK for the OP to want them to do it once she goes back to work because then it convienient for her and cost saving?
Western: So why is it ok to consider this when you go back to work but not now?
Post # 15
Western: If your planning on having them look after him while you work you should have him there for at least half a day a week in the months leading up to that time. Not only for their sakes but for his, it will ease him into spending time with them without you and it wont be such a shock when you start work