In laws who aren't rooting for us…

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

I would frame it in a way that has nothing to do with his family. As in, you read that you shouldn’t tell people until x amount of weeks (say 20 weeks after genetic testing) in case soemthing goes wrong becasue you don’t want to go through the heartache of telling and then untelling people. There is no nice way of saying “I don;t trust your mom” (even if the comment is well deserved).

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@violet25:  I would treat TTC as something private between yourself and your partner. It doesn’t really matter what your in laws want, you need to do what is best for your family. What could she do to prevent your pregnancy? She doesn’t get a say. Just my opinion.

Post # 8
Member
3213 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church

@violet25:  My inlaws were actively telling us not to have children. We didn’t tell that side of the family that we were TTC. I was super nervous to actually tell them once we did get KU and it shocked me that they are actually quite excited to be getting a grandchild. They are enthusiastic and grinned a lot when we told them. I have no idea what happened to cause the sudden change of heart, but I want you to know that it can happen!

Post # 9
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@violet25:  OMG. If she would actually drug or harm you, then this is a very serious situation. Whether or not you choose to have a baby is exactly that – a choice for you. She can not like it all she wants but she sure as hell cannot harm you or your child!

Post # 10
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m just curious how a MIL could possibly prevent you from getting pregnant? I’ve been trying to figure out what in the world that means or how it’s possible for 5 min and I’m still dumbfounded.

Is she going to break into your bedroom and force a condom on her son before he gets into bed?  I can’t imaine your culture is that different.

ETA:  Saw your answer!! I think you are falling to old wives tales – unless she’s going to slip something in your drink daily she’s not going to be up to the task.  Or if your that paranoid don’t accept food/drink from her for awhile.  But if you really have that fear and she’s that crazy, I’d worry more about her poisoning you than trying to do some “no-baby” hoodoo on you. 

Post # 12
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@violet25:  I think this is more supersition than a reality, though I do see you are talking about after you are pregnant rather than a preventative.  

If she was that bound and determined try and make you lose a pregnancy, one that’s totally crazy and criminal – and she could go to jail for even trying.

Just to GO really out there, and cover the bases, to ease your mind:

RU486 (which induces an abortion but ONLY early in the 1st trimester)  is a multi-step and pill process – its not like she can just slip one pill to you and you will lose the baby. Besides, you can’t obtain RU486 except directly from a doctor at a clinic who will be surpervising the whole thing, including you taking the pill. It’s not obtainable any other way.Your MIL is not going to get her hands on this and even if she did, its not something she could just “slip to you” once and have an success. Its not that simple.

The “EC pill” – which is emergency contraception –  only “prevents conception” and ONLY if its taken within a few days of intercourse.  If you are pregnant it will not cause you to lose the baby.

Other than that she would basically just try to posion you, which if you think that’s even possible you have much bigger worries than TTC and should stay far, far away from this woman and keep children away from her. 

I think I know which culture ou are from, and I think some supersitions and scary old wives tales are playing on your mind.  As for the stories you’ve heard, there is nothing (besides heavy radiation posioning) that could “make you sterile.”  There is a reason that when women decide they don’t want to have any more children (and are still fertile) that they have to go in for surgery or other methods like implants.  I’m sure they wish they could just eat a sandwich with something in it and then have no worries about further pregnancies, but its not that easy!

 

Post # 13
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

@violet25:  I can almost 100% guarantee we are from the same culture

 

in any event, losing a pregnancy is very very common and when one loses a pregnancy people try to find any excuse as to why. Is it possible someone put something like clorox and you lose your pregnancy? I guess, theoretically, but not probable that you would not notice something like that as you are eating the food or dinking.  BUT I understand the concern although I am highly educated I still have somethings that give me a bad feeling although based on 0% logic.

 

 

 

I would just not go over there during those first few months. I always pretend to be super busy when i know I am supposed to go somewhere I don’t want to go. What are you going to do drag me there? “Oh, I have to go to the b-day party with Bebe’s kids? OMG that is totally the weekend I have to work overtime. I feel terrible but I can;t go!!!!!.” (whatever )

 

 

 

And, yes, tell him not to tell his brother. “I know how close you and brother x are> I don;t think we shouldn’t tell him either because it would be hard to untell him. I think I am not going to tell x cousin or y sister for the same reason”

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@violet25:  I don’t believe you should tell anyone you are TTC. I personally believe it is a private matter between husband and wife. Nobody else needs to know, especially your MIL if this is really the way she is. You can tell parents once you become pregnant but in your case I would keep it to yourself until the 12 week mark when the risk of miscarriage goes down so she doesn’t make some snark, rude comment if you would happen to, God forbid, lose the baby.

Post # 16
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@violet25:  okay I’m dying to know what culture?! 

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