Post # 1
We’ve been married now for almost 10 months, and right around our one-year anniversary, the divorce between my in-laws will be finalized.
Some of you might remember reading about their drama here and here. Well, my soon-to-be former FIL has developed a weird pattern of bailing on MIL every spring or early summer. The weather turns nice and he takes off, leaving her with their pets, the house, all of his crap, everything. In early April, he did it for the third time. She was devastated, again, and literally everyone told her to forget his dumb ass and move on, though she kept convincing herself he would come back even though he moved in with a woman he had been talking to on Facebook for who knows how long before he left. They just rented a house together in the next town over and happily plaster their affair all over Facebook. A-hole.
It took her a while, but she’s getting there, which is good. She’s also planning a divorce party in August… given her track record of not really considering anyone but herself, I would not be surprised if she chose our anniversary weekend for her party. And I am laughing right now as I type this, so please don’t get the idea that I’m bitter over something that probably won’t happen. 🙂 It would be pretty funny and very “her.”
What I am still a little bitter about, unfortunately, is our wedding. I think it’s been bothering me a little more lately because at this time last year, I was trying on dresses and deciding on decor and feeling pretty good about how everything was going. Little did I know… lol. And I’ve been pulling out my dress and our other wedding stuff, preparing to sell it since we’re going through a financial rough patch, so the memories are kind of RIGHT THERE until I get this stuff out of my house.
I know you can’t really have a do-over, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing for it sometimes. 🙂
Post # 3
You can’t really have a do-over for your wedding day, but you can definitely have a vow renewal! Maybe plan a killer party for your 5 or 10 year anniversary?
Post # 5
(( HUGS )) to you
Bad-assed inlaws suck… sorry
You certainly can have a “do over” as others have mentioned it is called a Vow Renewal…
Plan one for you and your Hubby (alone OR with Friends & Family) for an upcoming milestone Anniversary…
5, 10, 15, 20, 25… are all good numbers !!
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
@automaticflowers: wow, I just read your post about your wedding day and i’m astounded! People can be so awful and i’m so sorry you had your special day tainted by their innapropriate childish behaviour. You totally deserve a do-over!
Even though you can never really re-do your wedding you can certainly throw yourselves an AMAZING party and do a vowel renewal! It’s lovely to hear your husband still considered the day so special as that’s what is really important at the end of the day – the two of you! But I say throw an awesome celebration of your marraige or go on a fab holiday.. far away from his family!!!!!!
Post # 7
Ok, this is going to sound snarky, and I genuinely don’t mean it to, so please try not to take it that way 🙂
You need to get over it.
I know you dream about your wedding, and I know it hurts. I also read both of your posts and you’re right: they were asshats on your day. But holding on to this anger and resentment is only doing YOURSELF a disservice. Your in-laws let their own drama get in the way of your day. It was petty and immature, but unfortunately just because people are parents does NOT always mean they will act like adults.
Is there any way you two can take a tirp somewhere for your one year? Maybe do a vow renewal (and I mean a very basic one….you could even just recite vows to each other alone on a beach and then go for a nice meal-that’s our plan this year).
Try to focus on the things that are great: you married your best friend. And you get to spend the rest of your life with him. So many people don’t even have that. And while the day might not have been perfect, isn’t it better to have a great marriage than one perfect princess day?
Post # 8
@automaticflowers: Despite all the CRAZY SHIT your ILs put you through, you really do look beautiful and happy in your wedding photos! If I were you I’d plan a vow renewal trip for you and your mr. Just the two of you! That way you can have a day that’s truly about your marriage and not worry about anyone else. <3
Post # 9
You’re lucky you’re just naturally really pretty! I can’t even TELL that you had a makeup/hair malfunction. You guys also got some sweet, happy pictures. You should plan a vacation with your parents and do a vow renewal! I feel so sorry for your mother but you guys made the best of an awful situation 🙂
Post # 10
Is FIL, DH’s father? Because, if so, he’s still going to be your FIL regardless of his marital status to MIL. Either way, I agree with PP, you can’t have a “re-do” because it didn’t turn out the way you planned. I also agree to renew your vows that way you get a “do-over” in some sort of way or things will be the way you want.
Post # 11
For some people, a wedding is a very important event. I can completely understand the need to have a “perfect princess day” if the original wedding was awful.
Not everyone is blessed to be able to have a wonderful wedding! I find that most women who were lucky enough to have lovely weddings, are just not sympathetic to other women who were not so blessed. Everybody should have a wedding that they enjoy.
Weddings symbolize a new beginning. Some people think that is just as important has having a good marriage.
Post # 12
@TakeTwo: you totally missed the entire point of my post
Post # 13
Hey, I read your post about what happened on your wedding day. Why not have a mini do-over? You and your new husband should get back in your wedding clothes and do a lovely vowel renewal ceremony on your first anniversary. Just the two of you on the beach. Get your hair and makeup done just how you wanted it on your wedding day. If you can stretch to a photographer, get some pics of the two of you looking lovely and relaxed without the family drama! Sound like you deserve it.
Post # 14
Thank you all so much for your kind words (and the tough love, haha).
@sara_tiara: I can clarify a little. 🙂 I’m not really angry at THEM so much anymore, or angry at all really. My morose original post was mainly brought on because of the wedding stuff still sitting around, and then I heard my in-laws are divorcing and it all kind of combined into a mix of “What the hell?”
The “perfect princess” statement you made is funny, because I never was the sort to daydream about my wedding day, and perfection was the last thing I expected. I didn’t expect, however, a domino effect of fail. And I was 30 when I got married, so I’m just a skosh beyond the princess stage, ha!
@gingernutjo: You must have magical mind-reading powers! Going back to our beach this August to read vows to each other privately is something I’ve been considering. It was what DH wanted in the first place: just us. And we’ve had a rough year besides (finances, blah blah) that I think we’re starting to finally come out of, so it would be a nice to leave the ugliness behind, symbolically speaking.
I couldn’t wear my wedding dress again, though… it’s too big now! 🙂 I’ve lost 33 pounds.
@littlemiss511: Sorry for the confusion! He is DH’s stepfather, and only a few years older than I am, actually. So we never really referred to him as “Dad” or anything.
Post # 15
@automaticflowers: I just read your original posts from months ago, and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. For what it’s worth, though, you look absolutely beautiful in the photos you posted 🙂 I think I trip for just the two of you back to the beach to read your vows would be perfect. I hope whatever you decide to do gives you some comfort and closure 🙂
Post # 16
I second a do over! especially before you sell the wedding goodies….. do it up for one day….together!