Post # 1
Hello all!!!! I am recently engaged and have already picked out my wedding party. Due to trying to stay on budget, I only picked 5 BM’s. One of which is (supposedly) my best friend. Here comes the but………
Since my engagement, she has been being so rude to me. On the night of my engagement, I called her, and she basically blew me off, and was like “oh, thats nice”. She even made a comment later on about how I was proposed to in the parking lot (so not true!). Likewise, when coming over my house, she did not even ask to see my ring!!! She has made comments about my wedding being to “extravagant” for her and how we are trying to act “white”. She has also stopped calling me as much as she used to, and when she does it is all negative. She has complained about the bridesmaids dresses (which are gorgeous and only $85) and has never even called to ask if I need any help with anything.
I know you are wondering why I am even continuing to put up with her. The answer is that she has been my best friend for 10+ years. We have gone through so much, and I truly love her like my sister. I know that she would be very hurt not to be a part of my party, but at the same time she is not at all being supportive of me and my fiancé. He thinks that I should just take her out of the party, but I know this would cause the biggest blow up from her ever. This is our day, and I don’t want to continue stressing over this.
Post # 3
Do you talk about the wedding a lot?
When was the last time you hung out with her as a friend (rather than a bride to be)?
Is she in a serious relationship? Could she be jealous of your engagement?
Maybe suggest the two of you go out to dinner or drinks and promise that all wedding talk is OFF the table, see what’s going on with her.
Post # 4
it sounds like jealousy. have a heart to heart with her and tell her that you don’t like the way she’s been treating you, and you want to work to get your friendship back to where it used to be.
Post # 5
Thanks for replying! But, no I don’t talk about the wedding at all with her. It actually makes me feel uncomfortable and even bad about being happy to speak with her about my wedding (I meant to put that in my post.) I actually try to avoid talking about the wedding because I don’t want to come off as one of those brides who is wedding obsessed.
I think having a lunch or dinner together is a great idea. Maybe we can hash out a few things.
Post # 6
@FutureMrs.tSa: Also, I just noticed your wedding date is over a year away. Maybe she’s less of a planner and doesn’t understand why you are starting all this stuff (like Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses) so early.
Just have a true friend heart to heart. Maybe there are other things going on in her life that she needs to talk about. Maybe she’s jealous of your relationship. Maybe she’s worried she’s going to lose her best friend when you get married.
Post # 7
@FutureMrs.tSa: I think you need to A. Start leaving her out of all the planning and B. have a sit-down with her. Maybe ask one of your other BMs to talk to her. Tell them to tell her that this is a special time in your life and they have noticed her acting strange, distant, self-involved or whatever adjectives you feel appropriate. I had a similar problem. One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man said something to my other Bridesmaid or Best Man. We talked it throught and I told her I would never treat her this way. Everyone is better now!
Post # 8
Maybe it could be because she is jealous or maybe she is just irritated you are doing so much already. Your wedding date is over a year away, maybe she doesn’t see the point in getting started so early.
Post # 9
@FutureMrs.tSa: I agree with other posters that maybe you should try and have lunch with her. If you two are as close as you say you are, you should be able to discuss it, figure out what the problem is, and move on… Hopefully, this will work but if not, atleast you tried. Even though your wedding is a little over a year from now, that still does not excuse the fact that she is being rude. If she feels that it’s too early for you to start planning, that’s her opinion and she is entitled to it… however, that still does not give her the right to act the way she has been acting…..
Good Luck and keep us posted!!!
Post # 10
Sounds like jealousy to me :/ She probably sees her life being the shadow to yours right now because of the wedding and planning, etc. And the comment about being “white” haaa like I haven’t heard that a few million times lol Her insecurities are keeping her from acting like a true friend. I know this because I kind of went through the same thing.
My fiance and I have had tough times but that doesn’t mean we don’t like nice things. My family and his are trying their best to help us and give us a beautiful day. At times I would feel low and cry because I couldn’t have the wedding of my dreams. On top of that my cousin’s wedding was a month after ours which to me felt like some hidden competition. He’s in the marines and his fiance is going to be a lawyer. It made me feel like I was less of a person actually. I know I know it sounds crazy but human emotions are a crazy thing. The point is that I got over it – through alot of talking with my family. You need to talk to your friend but be sensitive to her needs. We all fall victim to the green weed 😛
Post # 11
I agree with the previous posters. See if there’s something going on with her that’s making her behave this way, and let her know how it’s hurting your feelings and dampening the excitement for you. Cutting her from the party would be a last resort, but if she continues to be rude to you even after you’ve made some attempts at smoothing things out, then I’d consider it.