Post # 1
I don’t even know where to start. I got married a couple weeks ago. Our daughter is almost two and I had brought up to Darling Husband that I would like to start trying for another baby. He said he wants to wait till he is financially ready. (He hasn’t held a steady job in his life) We are good on money because I bring home the extra cash we need. Anyways, I have always wanted a big family. I’m talking back to back to back kids. I want four. We had discussed this before we were married and he was happy, that is till we got married and now he changed his mind? It’s what we argue about now all the time. So last night was the tip of the iceberg. I had brought it up again and he flipped saying he wants to wait a couple more years and how I was such a bitch the first time it makes him hesitant this time. He says that we are finally okay with money and he doesn’t want another kid to put us in debt again. I got so angry I looked at him straight in the eyes and said, “I don’t want kids with you.” I don’t know where it came from but at that moment all my love and feelings left for him. It’s like I checked out. I cried and I was so hurt. I don’t even feel like having sex anymore. This isn’t what my life is suppose to be like. This isn’t what I had planned. I don’t know where to turn or what to do.
Anyone gone through this?
Post # 3
Plus I told him that just because it was so easy to get pregnant the first time doesn’t mean it’s going to be that easy now. I worry about miscarriage and being out of shape and over weight can play a big key. I just don’t want my kids years and years apart. I want them to be friends.
Post # 4
Haven’t gone through this, but I just wanted to send you lots of hugs your way….you’re in a very tough situation right now, but have faith, our fellow bees will shine some light and they always, ALWAYS give great advice!
Post # 5
I’m sorry you’re in a tough situation. It’s never easy to compromise on emotional issues like this. First thing, I think you need to apologize to your husband because what you said was really hurtful. I also think you need to at least try to see his side. He’s not being a jerk, he’s just concerned about making sure the family remains stable. Maybe you guys should sit down and plan how you can save money over the next year to make sure you have enough for another baby. Hopefully you can find somethings to cut back on and boost your savings.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
So sorry to read this! I think the issue here is more about adjusting to newlywed life than TTC. Even if you lived together before, even if you had been together for AGES something changes when it all becomes leagal.
I would take a few weeks (at least) an not even bring it up. Perhaps put together a savings plan or something so you can both feel good about it? You both have very valid concerns and I think you need to be able to talk about them in a non emotionally charged way. Maybe each of you writing your concerns down would help so the other can read them and process them before discussing.
As far as kid spacing and them being friends, there was a great thread here awhile ago about that very thing. I could find it just now but basically, there was no rhyme or reason. Some kids born close together were buddies growing but don’t speak now. And vice versa. I can say (being 11 and 13 years older than my two siblings) Now that they are teenagers, we are very close. It has more to do with the kids themselves (and how they are raised) than the number of monthes between them
I hope you find something you are both comfortable with. Marriage is not easy and this will not be the last time you want to go in different directions over a huge issue. It’s the working through it that makes it worth while though! Best of luck!