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I feel that way too :( There are times when I say stuff and he doesn't respond, so I don't know if he's not listening or just doesn't care. I can see it happening if he's busy chatting with a friend on msn, but sometimes it seems like he's off in his own little world and the things I say just doesn't register...
I doubt he is being a jerk, but it may be that he is really just forgetting. Does he have a lot of stress from work or a lot on his mind. I think its something to bring up to him that you are getting frustrated and he needs to pay attention to you and remember what you ask of him. It sounds like more of a problem that he is listening to you, but just not registering it in his mind to remember to do it later.
Argh. I understand. I will email my husband something and then a few hours later ask him if he got my email and he'll say yes so then I'll ask, "well? What do you think we should do?" And he'll pause, and have a blank look on his face, and say, "What did that email say again? I don't remember." It really frustrates me.
Um I am the forgetful one in the relationship. It is never super important things but usually little minor irritations like forgetting to go to the store, forgetting what I needed at the store, forgetting that he told me we were having dinner with people tonight, etc. It is not that I am ignoring him or that I am intentionally being an ass, I just have so much on my mind right now that I am barely functional for normal things. I call it Einstein syndrome - he was so brilliant and spent so much time thinking about mathmatical theory that he forgot the little things (like brushing his hair).
I'm with Lural - I'm almost always the forgetful one in the relationship. My husband actually makes a huge joke about it. He says I have STM (Short Term Memory). I also have a crapload of stuff going on and never really have much downtime to relax. I'll usually have to repeat things to myself to remember them.
Like, for example, I had a pair of shorts I wanted to run in hanging up in our laundry room. The entire way downstairs, I told myself not to forget my shorts as I was walking out the door. Something else completely distracted me, and I walked out without them. I called my husband and he started laughing at me..."STM!!"
Try not to take it personally. I know it's frustrating, but we don't do it on purpose!!!
I don't think he's trying to be a jerk. I can be forgetful, leaving my lunch at home on the counter, leaving coffee mugs in the office, etc... But I've also cought myself asking hubs a question and then realizing that I haven't heard on bit of his answer and am lost in my own thoughts. Or sometimes I'll think a question in my head, and forget if I asked it out loud or not. Usually I'm honest and just say to hubs "I'm sorry, I got distracted and didn't hear your answer/what you said. Can you say it again?" He knows me (obv) and doesn't get offended and it's no big deal.
The problem is probably that your husband is not very focused on what you are saying, so he hears you without hearing you. I've found that I really need to focus, in order to remember things and be able to recall emails and past conversations. At work I'm awful, because I have a very chaotic work place, so I'm always thinking about multiple things. I'd just talk to him casually and let you know that sometimes it seems like he doesn't hear you and what can you both do to make sure you're both focused on the conversation/email/etc... Focus on what both of you can do, like maybe you making sure that he knows you need his full attention at times he might be distracted (at work, in the car, etc....)
I wouldn't hold it against him though; I doubt he does it on purpose.
I think *in general* men are just less detail oriented than we are. I know many times I'll say to my husband, 'did you remember XYZ?' and he'll say, 'No, but I knew you would remind me again so I wasn't too worried about it.' I think sometimes women set themselves up to be the 'reminder person' so it can be a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't think they mean to be annoying about it.
Men have bad memories. It's sad but true. It's probably not a big deal. My H would actually tell me to txt or email him to remind him. However, if I remind him unsolicited, then he would think I'm nagging. It's hard for us women to win sometimes.
The YOU DON'T LISTEN WHEN I TALK IN MY QUIET VOICE conversation.
We had this happen when we were dating. He told me he didn't understand why I got so flustered and would snap at him. And I said because you don't listen to me when I say things calmly, you apparently only seem to realize I'm serious when I'm about ready to flip.
He thought about it and realized it was true so we both worked on it (me staying calmer and just reminding him aka just below nagging, but he also became more aware of his actions)
I asked my SO for mini chocolate chips last night. He came home with jumbo chocolate chips.
I think it's a guy thing. :D
Im usually the forgetful one, Ill say Ill stop at the store on the way home and totally forget and just go home! Or DH will ask me to get something at the store and I forget. Im not NOT listening, Im just super forgetful! I dont think he is doing it on purpose!
I think it's obvious from the comments that it's not a guy thing it's a human thing. He's hearing you but not registering you. Have you ever had the experience where someone says something you ask them to repeat it and before they actually repeat it your mind catches up and you "hear" or "remember" what they said the first time?
So if you're saying something and suspect he might not be registering it, say it again and ask him to repeat it back to you. If he has to say it himself he will have to process it and is more likely to remember.
Thanks everyone. Yeah, I don't think he's a jerk either. Usually when he does this, I just think 'man, that's my husband!'. But yesterday, I just got angrier than usual because he put holes in our door with that un-attractive door blocker thing when I asked him to use double sided tape.
We just bought our condo and I've been high strung when it comes to repairs, holes, etc.
Sounds like a ground rule of no holes in the condo without your explicit agreement is in order.
I had the same problem until I attended a marriage seminar. Best money I ever spent just to get this 1 point.
Google "nothing box" and watch the videos by Mark Gungor.
Its gotta be a guy thing. I tell my FI over and over not to put liquids in the garbage, I hate that. But he never listens so the other day when I was going to take out the garbage I found there was a nice amount of some type of liquid sitting at the bottom of the bag and can. So I left it there and in order to get him to remember I left him very loving reminder note above the garbage that said "If you throw liquids in my garbage, I will MURDER you. xoxo love, maren." His friends really enjoyed it and made sure to dump their left over beer out in the sink before throwing the cans
Yeah I think it is a guy thing (mostly). I will tell my husband "remember when I told you Thing X?" and he will look at me and honestly and earnestly tell me I never told him Thing X. So I will remind him of the conversation we had about it, which will finally trigger him to remember and he will sheepishly admit that I DID tell him Thing X. Although 5 minutse earlier he would have bet money that I never did!! ITs like they put some of the stuff we tell them immediately into deep storage....sigh...I don't think it is being a jerk and I just try to keep a sense of humor about it all :)
I think you all described my FH! He gets mad if i yell but thats the only time he hears what i say!
DH actually has some hearing loss in his right ear, so he always says that he can't hear me when I talk to him in the car....but most of the time I think he is just ignoring me ;)
@Janna19: Yep, that's it!
This one might be more useful for this thread:
The Title of this post just made me laugh. Seriously Girls; Guys are so annohying sometimes. Mine does this alot. Maybe it's just our men; but i agree they are much less detail oriented and they can't seem to do 2 things at once. (IE: Watch TV & Listen to me @ the same time) lol I've learned to laugh about it. I don't think he's being a jerk. Maybe he just needs to work on it.
Doesn't sound like he's being a jerk. Kind of just sounds like he's a scatterbrain! I know I've totally (on MANY an occasion) been driving and thought to myself, "Oooh, I need to stop at X store on my way home." And then HOURS later, I remember. Oopsie, guess I'm the scatterbrained one in my relationship!
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I don't know if he thinks I'm just babbling but sometimes, my husband doesn't hear or listen to things I say. Like he wanted to put this 'under the door blocker' on our door. And I told him I'm not sure if I like the look of it so I asked if he can use heavy duty double sided tape temporarily.
He says okay but today when I was at work, he used screws and nails. There are other instances like these. Like when we are driving around and I ask him to stop at a store cuz I need to get something. He says okay and a few minutes later, he misses the exit and says he forgot i needed to go.
I asked him why he does this and he always says he doesn't know or he wasn't thinking at the moment. Do alot of guys do this? Or is my husband being a jerk?