(Closed) in one ear, out the other..

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I feel that way too 🙁  There are times when I say stuff and he doesn’t respond, so I don’t know if he’s not listening or just doesn’t care.  I can see it happening if he’s busy chatting with a friend on msn, but sometimes it seems like he’s off in his own little world and the things I say just doesn’t register…

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I doubt he is being  a jerk, but it may be that he is really just forgetting.  Does he have a lot of stress from work or a lot on his mind.  I think its something to bring up to him that you are getting frustrated and he needs to pay attention to you and remember what you ask of him.  It sounds like more of a problem that he is listening to you, but just not registering it in his mind to remember to do it later.

Post # 5
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Argh.  I understand.  I will email my husband something and then a few hours later ask him if he got my email and he’ll say yes so then I’ll ask, “well?  What do you think we should do?”  And he’ll pause, and have a blank look on his face, and say, “What did that email say again?  I don’t remember.”  It really frustrates me.   

Post # 6
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Um I am the forgetful one in the relationship. It is never super important things but usually little minor irritations like forgetting to go to the store, forgetting what I needed at the store, forgetting that he told me we were having dinner with people tonight, etc. It is not that I am ignoring him or that I am intentionally being an ass, I just have so much on my mind right now that I am barely functional for normal things. I call it Einstein syndrome – he was so brilliant and spent so much time thinking about mathmatical theory that he forgot the little things (like brushing his hair).

Post # 7
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m with Lural – I’m almost always the forgetful one in the relationship. My husband actually makes a huge joke about it. He says I have STM (Short Term Memory). I also have a crapload of stuff going on and never really have much downtime to relax. I’ll usually have to repeat things to myself to remember them.

Like, for example, I had a pair of shorts I wanted to run in hanging up in our laundry room. The entire way downstairs, I told myself not to forget my shorts as I was walking out the door. Something else completely distracted me, and I walked out without them. I called my husband and he started laughing at me…”STM!!”

Try not to take it personally. I know it’s frustrating, but we don’t do it on purpose!!!

Post # 8
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think he’s trying to be a jerk. I can be forgetful, leaving my lunch at home on the counter, leaving coffee mugs in the office, etc… But I’ve also cought myself asking hubs a question and then realizing that I haven’t heard on bit of his answer and am lost in my own thoughts. Or sometimes I’ll think a question in my head, and forget if I asked it out loud or not. Usually I’m honest and just say to hubs “I’m sorry, I got distracted and didn’t hear your answer/what you said. Can you say it again?” He knows me (obv) and doesn’t get offended and it’s no big deal.

The problem is probably that your husband is not very focused on what you are saying, so he hears you without hearing you. I’ve found that I really need to focus, in order to remember things and be able to recall emails and past conversations. At work I’m awful, because I have a very chaotic work place, so I’m always thinking about multiple things. I’d just talk to him casually and let you know that sometimes it seems like he doesn’t hear you and what can you both do to make sure you’re both focused on the conversation/email/etc… Focus on what both of you can do, like maybe you making sure that he knows you need his full attention at times he might be distracted (at work, in the car, etc….)

I wouldn’t hold it against him though; I doubt he does it on purpose.

Post # 9
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think *in general* men are just less detail oriented than we are.  I know many times I’ll say to my husband, ‘did you remember XYZ?’ and he’ll say, ‘No, but I knew you would remind me again so I wasn’t too worried about it.’ I think sometimes women set themselves up to be the ‘reminder person’ so it can be a self fulfilling prophecy.  I don’t think they mean to be annoying about it.

Post # 10
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Men have bad memories. It’s sad but true. It’s probably not a big deal. My H would actually tell me to txt or email him to remind him. However, if I remind him unsolicited, then he would think I’m nagging. It’s hard for us women to win sometimes.

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

The YOU DON’T LISTEN WHEN I TALK IN MY QUIET VOICE conversation. 

We had this happen when we were dating.  He told me he didn’t understand why I got so flustered and would snap at him.  And I said because you don’t listen to me when I say things calmly, you apparently only seem to realize I’m serious when I’m about ready to flip. 

He thought about it and realized it was true so we both worked on it (me staying calmer and just reminding him aka just below nagging, but he also became more aware of his actions)

Post # 12
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

I asked my SO for mini chocolate chips last night.  He came home with jumbo chocolate chips. 

I think it’s a guy thing.  😀

Post # 13
Member
2682 posts
Sugar bee

Im usually the forgetful one, Ill say Ill stop at the store on the way home and totally forget and just go home! Or DH will ask me to get something at the store and I forget.  Im not NOT listening, Im just super forgetful!  I dont think he is doing it on purpose!

Post # 14
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s obvious from the comments that it’s not a guy thing it’s a human thing.  He’s hearing you but not registering you.  Have you ever had the experience where someone says something you ask them to repeat it and before they actually repeat it your mind catches up and you “hear” or “remember” what they said the first time?

So if you’re saying something and suspect he might not be registering it, say it again and ask him to repeat it back to you.  If he has to say it himself he will have to process it and is more likely to remember.

Post # 16
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like a ground rule of no holes in the condo without your explicit agreement is in order.

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