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I have been a proud member of this site for quite some time and felt that a lot of the advice I received for my wedding was helpful. I've appreciated the friendship of many of the ladies on here, and hope that even as my wedding has come to an end I would have the chance to remain friends with these beautiful ladies (who are beautiful on both the outside and the INSIDE)
However, it has come to my attention recently that there have been multiple threads bashing people who are heavier than others. What makes it worse is that these threads are not closed, are not removed for their offensive statements, and the OP is allowed to continue saying hurtful things that should not be acceptable. I have flagged and flagged and flagged. Nothing is happening. I am not trying to blame anyone for this, but I feel any correct efforts (as laid out in the last discussion we had as a community about snark and the appropriate way to go about it) are not being met.
I am disgusted that it is alright for a community member to slam those who have issues with being overweight (when it is clearly targeted at certain members) but a statement made my a former member about skinny women got her banned.
I regret having to make this a thread. This shouldn't even be happening. But I'm so disgusted and hurt, that I no longer know how, if these actions continue, I will be able to proudly associate with a website that supports "fat bashing."
Please, tell me I am not the only one.
Yeah, Weddingbee is getting ridiculous with the double standards. I am so over it
The simple fact that there is a "Special" section for "Full-Figured" women invites discrimination right off the bat.
How are "Full-Figured" brides different than ANY other bride? This is exactly what the implication is! If you're a "Full Figured" bride, you're not a "normal" bride!
@ViaMinorViator: So are you saying to make this equal we should have a "skinny" section as well?
Yes. I would like a "athletic" section as well. We should also have a section for women with larger noses and small feet.
Sound ridiculous?
So is a section for "Full-Figured" women.
Wow, I didn't know that was going on. It absolutely sucks. The internet gives you balls for sure, but this should always be a place free from critism and judgment over other girl's bodies.
Whoever is doing this, you are a true blue ass. Sorry to say.
If some women identify themselves as "full-figured" and enjoy having a special section, then what is the harm? To answer your joke question, if some women identify themselves as "larger nose" or "small feet" and want to have a section for that, then why should we not?
I hate society sometimes. Especially when things like this happen. It makes me wonder if these women's significant others have any idea of who they are REALLY marrying.
Life is too short for nonsense. People don't have enough of their own real life problems that they have to go around trying to make people feel badly about themselves?
It is a little disappointing that nothing has been done to stop this kind of hatred. The only thing we can do is make it clear that on an individual level, it isn't acceptable. Use Bully Rules!
@Lemma: And does everyone else, in your opinion, just get to be "normal"? My point is that singling people out is doing nothing but drawing attention to the fact that they are not "normal". Why can't everyone be "normal" instead of being labelled with something else? This is how bullying starts, and separating people from the "norm" is an open invitation for abuse.
@ViaMinorViator: No, nobody is normal. "Normal" is a descriptor with no value or real meaning to it. Everybody identifies themselves a certain way, so I don't see any reason against letting people group themselves if it makes them happy.
Look at the faith section. It has many different types of faiths and does not imply that if one is not mentioned, it is "normal".
@ViaMinorViator: Yes, I think we agree in basic concepts but disagree with how things should be implemented. To me, it's nice to be able to have smaller groups where similar minded people can talk. The fact that we get to sort ourselves into the groups makes descrimination less of a worry. To me, the inclusion of a full-figured group doesn't imply that anybody who doesn't think they belong to that group is "normal".
I was simply implying that whatever happens, something needs to change.
Yes, the bashing is incredibly mean and insensitive. I'm not sure what I think of the full-figured section because I'm guessing it was a request from brides who felt they fit that category and wanted it there - I've seen threads asking to only see full-figured girls wearing dresses because they want to see how they look on us girls with curves - but the opposite, someone posting and saying for only skinny girls to show their dresses, would of course not be okay.
It's hard to make a blanket rule though, I'd like to say there just shouldn't be posts discussing others' weights. But then I think well what if it's like an issue where your BM or mom or whoever needs to order her dress but won't until she loses weight and there's no time and they don't know what to do - it would be silly to not be able to post about problems like that. I'm trying to think of a wording for a rule that would cover all the hurtful posts and the ones stereotyping people without getting ridiculously strict but I'm surprised by the fact that I'm having trouble with it - what do you guys think? Maybe if we can think up some good wording for a rule and ask the mods about it they would be willing to add it in.
Sent from my Android
im happy that someone else is seeing the double standards of the mod team! I thought i was going crazy!
@MrsStrawberry24: nope, its definitely there, and more people are seeing it. I just think that its nice that people actually will say something about it :)
@ViaMinorViator: Not to continue the drama but just about every department store you go into has a "Plus sized" section. It's not discrimination- everyone is welcome in each "section" or board. A lot of girls associate themselves with the full sized label & it makes it easy to find a section of the board that is specifically for those girls.
"I am disgusted that it is alright for a community member to slam those who have issues with being overweight (when it is clearly targeted at certain members) but a statement made my a former member about skinny women got her banned."
@SleepingWithNuns: On another note I completely agree
I think a lot of people are becoming disenchanted with the bee these days. It is sad to see a great site going downhill :(
@ViaMinorViator: I get what you're saying but as a "full figured" bride, I do like having the separate board, not that I've used it all that much. Sometimes there are questions to be asked that really only apply to plus size brides. If I'm looking for hair styles that will work with my round face, other voluptuous brides may be able to provide me with better examples than someone who's half my size. It's not that I don't want to see their examples but they probably won't really help me as much because we look sooooo different. It's just nice to have everything in one place for easy reference than to have to sift through hundreds of threads on various different boards just to find what you're looking for.
If I recall, there has been some interest in adding other boards along the same lines. I think a few people petitioned for a "petite" board at one point. There may be some more floating around out there, too.
I agree with what you are saying. Also, I find it telling that the mods deleted Crisark's goodbye/complaint post before deleting the fat bridesmaid post. Priorities are obvious.
@Wedding-out: Just another troll trying to stir the pot. Get a life.
@JenniBride: I can't believe they shut down that thread. Besides of the "troll" there.. they closed down the thread, but not the "troll".... :/
First off, I agree with OP's statement about the poster who got banned for her post on skinny women - and if I recall correctly, she wan't even talking about anybody from the bee, it was someone from RL (which in any event, if one is not allowed, neither should the other).
Also, something that I have noticed (specifically from that time when that member got deleted), it seemed to be the people who would flag insenstive and snarky comments that got in trouble, wasn't it? Not so much the people that have actually been mean and isensitive, but those who were bringing it to the mods attention. Idk, it just seems messed up that sime of the posts that exist here seem to be ok, but other ones are deemed to be innappropriate.
Well, the good thing about people creating a fake username to troll is that they can tell who the user is from the ip address...so that way the troll username and their regular one will both be banned! So have fun with that, troll.
@Wedding-out: Feel free to PM me if you really want to get into it. I have too much respect for the other ladies on this board to say what I really think.
@nutMeg13: And I'm really frustrated because I know several other members and I have been flagging the posts that are mean and demeaning just like we were told to do, but they are not getting removed, but if someone calls out the OP for a mean comment or post and saying that this is not acceptable (since flagging apparently doesn't do anything) they get edited and deleted.
@SleepingWithNuns: It's well known the moderation team is a volunteer team, and that we are not able to monitor every post on every thread 24/7. The best thing to do is to flag things so that when we are online we can review said flags and make whatever decisions need to be made.
@bakerella: Wedding out is still active, and creating alot of drama on this site. Is there anything that can be done for this? This user is trolling the hell out of the threads here right now.
@bakerella: I have been flagging things. For weeks. Months. And while I appreciate your efforts for working on a moderation team, posts like Cirsaks get removed for being a flounce post, but it's perfectly acceptable to leave up posts that have been flagged by myself and at least ten other people? I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time comprehending this choice.
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