(Closed) In serious need of wedding advice…

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly, if you dont want to deal with the drama…. then elope. We seriously almost did. We came very close to just going to the courthouse after my mom developed a momzilla complex (we had a talk, she’s better now).

Post # 4
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

You’ve only been dating him for 3 months?

No – don’t elope.  Sit down and figure out why you are rushing so much.  Honestly – that isn’t what you want to hear, but don’t rush into something so huge as marriage.

Postpone for another year.  Attending premarital counseling.  REALLY know you’re making the right choice.

Post # 5
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

What exactly are they being controlling about?  If they are not providing financial support for the wedding, then they have no right to dictate any of the details (and even if they were, it wouldn’t be right for them to).  Maybe there is an underlying cause for their sudden change to act this way.

Post # 7
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Good for you, I hope you HAVE found your soulmate.  But I’d still really suggest holding off on getting married.  I’m not saying you have to break up, I’m just saying slow down.  Three months is NOT enough time to know if you want to be married to someone, I’m sorry, it’s just NOT.

And you don’t have to attend premarital counseling through a religious organization.  I have no doubt there are many marriage and family therapists in your area that offer those services.

Post # 8
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do you think they might become less controlling if you moved out onto your own – I mean, do you think they would see you as more of an independent adult and not try to control so much? (I don’t mean this question in a snarky way – you said they “aren’t ready to let me go” – just wondering if you think they might be more ready to let you go and make your own decisions if you moved out on your own?)

Is their controlling related to the wedding – i.e., do they disapprove because you’ve only been with him a few months, or would they be acting the same way if you had been together for 3 years?

There’s nothing wrong with eloping, but there is probably an in-between of having it at your grandma’s place, and eloping. I don’t know what your budget is like, but if it’s a tight budget, are there any nice parks, rec centers, elks lodges in your area? They typically have very reasonable rental fees. That would eliminate some of the drama, but you would still have your wedding.

Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I’m sure you’re probably getting people left and right telling you to slow down and wait.

 I’m not one of those people.

My mom and stepdad got married 3 months after they first met and they just celebrated their 15th anniversary, and they have one of the best marriages I’ve ever seen.

Just wanted to share a success story! Best of luck.

Post # 11
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

The length of the relationship or engagement does not ensure success or failure of any marriage.  Only you know what is right for you at this time.  As long as you communicate, as you have shared that you do, that is what is important.

I think you must create a wedding plan and then propose it to your grandma.  Explain that these are your plans, and you hope she will help you follow these plans for your desired wedding.  You should be firm and be prepared to allow some flexibility.  But think about what you are willing to be flexible about, and stick to it.  Without a plan, it is easy to be manipulated.

You are probably right about your mom and grandma not wanting to let you go.  Tha tis okay, but they need to work with you, not around you.

Best wishes.

Post # 12
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

I think maybe, you should just sit down with them and talk to them.  I’m sure since you’re the only child and grandchild and this is the only wedding they’ll get to “plan” they’re super excited.  Just tell them what you want and what you will not compromise on and see what’s important to them.   After talking with them if you feel like they’ll still be controlling I would think about eloping.  Or even throw it out there that if they don’t calm down a bit then you will elope.  I’m sure the thought of them not being able to control everything will be better than the thought of them not even being able to attend.

On another note….we have friends that live in Brewton.  Small world!

Post # 14
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

What kind of controlling are we takling about?

My MIL was super controlling, and a lot of it I just let roll off my back, sometimes wtih an eye roll also.  It was also at her house so I think if you’re using someones house you just have to let it go.  Figure out if the stuff she’s being controlling about really is that big of a deal.  If it’s like how the chairs are going to be set up and where the food is, just let it go, she’ll feel good about having the control and in the end it doesn’t matter. 

Post # 16
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

A friend of mine got engaged after a few months, married the following summer, and they now have a kid and are still very happy.

If your FI is paying then just ignore your grandmother. It’s not like she can hire anyone without the money. I would not have the wedding in her backyard. Find another place. Take everything out of her hands. Just tell her how things will be once they are done.

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