(Closed) In the bridal party but boyfriend isn’t

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would say yes.  He’s technically attending as YOUR date.  And your friend might be under budgetary contraints regarding the number of people.  My FH has several groomsmen who bring significant others who are not in the wedding.  But, if it really bothers you, try talking to your friend about it.  Just let her know you’re worried he might feel uncomfortable sitting by himself, and ask her if she has any suggestions.

Post # 4
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Usually, people don’t bring "dates" for their dates.  When I’ve attended wedddings where I knew hardly anyone else, the other dates and I hung out while our BF/GF were doing their wedding duties.

Post # 5
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m not sure, what type of wedding will it be? If it was a casual backyard bbq type of deal and the bride is pretty laid-back, you may be able to ask her. If it’s a formal, expensive affair I would probably hold off. Maybe you can talk to her and see if she plans on having a head table and if you will be able to sit with your bf. We had a few people ask if they could bring other folks along to our wedding and in all honesty, in was annoying- and we are having a casual, inexpensive wedding.

Post # 6
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I agree.  It is wrong because he is your date.  In the weddings that I’ve been to, if the bridal party has a lot of significant others, they’re sitting together.  In other weddings, there’s been a sweetheart table or a family only head table, so the bridal party could sit with their friends/partners.  Ask if she plans to have a head table.  If she is and you still feel uncomfortable, ask her if she has suggestions on what to do. 

If you’re still really not happy about this, then consider if you want to be a bridesmaid.  My friend orginally turned down the role when my FI and I started talking about getting married.  She didn’t want her boyfriend to be by himself for the entire wedding/reception.  When I called her to officially tell her about the engagement, I said that I still wanted her to be a bridesmaid.  She told her boyfriend to get over it and sit by himself because she really wanted to stand up for me.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I wouldn’t.  Are you sure that he’ll be all by himself?  My fiance and I will have our own sweetheart table, and then 3 reserved tables for our bridal party and dates.  Once you get to the reception, the bridesmaids usually don’t have too much to do.

Post # 8
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d say no, this is really common that it happens that a person in the bridal party has a date that doesnt know anyone.  It personally happened to me that my finance was in a wedding where I knew literally no one.  I kinda just had to suck it up and be friendly and mingle while my FI was doing wedding party things.  It just isnt really fair to ask the bride and groom if you can essentially have 2 dates.  I def think you should ask if he can at the very least sit with you though.  Otherwise maybe its best not to bring him? Or tell him to skip the cocktail hour (the most awkward part if you dont know anyone). You could also make an effort to introduce him to some guests before hand so he knows a few faces.

Post # 9
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think it would be rude to ask to bring a date for your date.  If her bridal party is small, she may even have your dates at the head table with you.  If it’s larger, and you really are that concered about your bf sitting with strangers, you could always ask if they were planning on a sweetheart table.  That’s what we are doing, so that our bridal party can sit with their dates.   If not, don’t worry about it too much.  Your bf will only be sitting with ‘strangers’ for dinner.

Post # 10
Member
2682 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldnt ask your friend if he can bring a "date", as you are his date.  It might be uncomfortable for him while you are up there for the ceremony and taking pictures but Im sure he will get over it and make some new friends.  If the Bride & Groom are doing a Sweetheart table then you would be able to sit with him for dinner too.  Its really only just a couple hours he will be on his own. Maybe he can make friends with the dates of the other bridesmaids since they might not know anyone either 🙂

Post # 11
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I agree with pretty much everyone above that you shouldn’t bring a date for your date, for the reasons that they posted. I’d say, though, if you are concerned about him being alone, I’d —

1. Ask what the seating arrangements are for the reception. If he’s not included at the head table/otherwise with you, ask if you can give some input to where he’d be sitting and choose some friends who you know are friendly and welcoming for him to sit with. And then eat your dinner quick and go hang out with him when bridesmaid duties don’t call otherwise.

2. Find an activity for him during the set up and photo times. If he’s willing, maybe he can volunteer to be a runner for the bridal party? Or just talk to the bride or coordinator and say he’ll be around, what can he do (if he’s willing to help). My husband ended up holding a huge table umbrella up over the photographer as he tried to filter out dapply afternoon light on the bridal party photos in the last wedding I was in. If he doesn’t feel like working, have him bring along a book or portable game device to pass the time beforehand or during photos.

Hope this helps!

Post # 12
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t think he should be able to have a date, he is your date, your guest.

Is there not other people in the wedding party who have BF/GFs that will be sitting alone? Maybe you could request to the bride that they all be sat together. Thats what were doing with our wedding party were going to sit them all together.

Does he know anyone else at the wedding? maybe he can be sat with them

I really dont find it appropriate for you to ask he had a guest, hes a big boy, hecan be on his own and make friends.

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you should bother the bride with this either.  I think your best bet is to ask the bride or tother gals in the BP, who their dates are and introduce the fells at the RD or something.  Hopefully they can hit it off.  Otherwise, perhaps your bf can skpi the ceremony and just meet you at the reception.  You’re not going to be able to sit with him at the ceremony anyway.

Post # 14
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree with everybody else, you shouldn’t ask for an extra date for your boyfriend.  I’ve been my FI’s date for 3 weddings so far when he’s been either GM or BM, and I was always put at a table of other wedding party dates and it was fine.  Obviously I’d prefer to sit with him, but c’est la vie.  Or maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll have a big group table!

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

He won’t be alone taht long. I attended my now-SIL’s wedding when DH and I had been dating only 7 months. Yes, awkward city, but you just smile and play nice and sit there and chill and be all, "oh i’m with that bridesmaid"

Plus, you’re talking ceremony (where people don’t talk anyways), pictures, dinner (people will not just ignore him), and that’s it! I think it’d be great if he just showed up for the reception if he was worried about this though. Or not show up at all, if his social anxiety is so bad he can’t spend a little time without you. It’s a little awkward, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. 

Post # 16
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with Tanya123 and most of the other comments. He’s a big boy, I think he will be fine for the little time that you are doing your BM duties. Definitely ask other  BM’s or guests to introduce their guys to him.

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