Post # 1
So one of my BM just got engaged, and decided she isn’t get married for about 2+ years. So last night I ask her who is going to be in her bridal party.
We were best friends throughout highschool and have been good friends since. Although she doesn’t really leave home without her BF attached to her hip, so I have over the years become best friends with a few other girls.
She tells me "it’s kinds tricky" , "because I want *X*, and *Y*, and you. But..I don’t get along with either of the two girls. X is her cousin, and my old best friend, and we had a falling out about 2 years ago, Although we made up about 6mths ago, but have not seen each other since. *Y* is her SIL and she is quite crazy. I have made a few attempts over the years, but she doesn’t seem to like anybody, she doesn’t have any girlfriends. So my BM said she is going to leave the decision up to me. And I get to decide if I want to be in her wedding party, or if I want to come just as a guest. She said she doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable. I was a little upset that I have to decide. I told her "well do you want me in the wedding party?" , and she said, "of course, but it might be hard for all of you having to hang out and plan stuff together".
So now I am faced with this decision. I kind of feel that she wants me to say no, because me and the other girls will not work well together, and might tear each others hair out. But I’m not immature, and I am always polite and nice when I see either of the two, we just happen to not really like eachother.
I mean I want to be in her wedding, because we have been friends for so long, and it would be nice to be part of her day, and she is in my bridal party. But..at the same time it might be nice not to have to deal with the other girls drama, especially *Y*. So I do not know what to tell her. I told her last night that it’s not for awhile, so we have time to think more about it. But now I’m not too sure of what I want to do.
Post # 3
I think what matters the most is how you feel about your friend. Even though you know it might be a pain to have to deal with X and Y, you really need to think about if you can handle that being a bridesmaid. Also take into consideration money and time — do you have both? It can get expensive purchasing all the BM stuff and party supplies and also involves a lot of time. Just think to a year after the wedding, and think about if you’ll regret not standing up there with her. It’s a hard decision. Good luck! Hugs!
Post # 4
I would go ahead and be one of her BM’s. If it was one of my best friends and I chose not to because of some other person, I know I would regret it.
One of my high-school BFF’s got married last year and asked me to be a BM. I was really happy and flattered since we have just gotten back in touch again over the last few years. She had a really big IMO bridal party, and for the most part, most of the ladies were awesome. However, I did NOT like her FSIL (her husband’s sister). She spent a lot of time complaining about everything….the BM dresses (which BFF changed to make her happy….don’t get me started), the makeup people, the rehearsal dinner venue. It p*ssed me off to no end….I told BFF….tell her NO…she’s already had her wedding she doesn’t need to be planning yours. In the end, BFF went with a lot of FSIL’s suggestions just to keep the peace in the family. They had a great wedding, but she has some regrets looking back on choices she would have preffered.
Do what feels right for you. You can’t go back and change it, so if you do what you want you won’t have regrets or bad feelings.
Post # 5
Think of it as an opportunity to grow spiritually if you take the job of BM. It gives you an opportunity to be zen and keep your own inner quiet as crazy makers around you do there thing.
I teach yoga and I love it because the poses are actually metaphors for things we have to deal with in life:
For example: The tree pose.
You must be like the tree, when all else around you is swirling and crazy in the wind. You are rooted and grounded. Like the tree.
If you love your friend dearly and want to wear a taffeta creation for her, take up yoga. You can only grow from the experience of being the bigger person.
But if you bowed out, no one would fault you for it.
Maybe stupidly, I like to take the challenge when it presents itself. I would probably be the bridesmaid. But what is your inner being telling you? Do you have a really really bad feeling about accepting the job? You may want to listen so you don’t kick yourself later.
Again, meditation is wonderful for making these decisions. Go to a quiet place, turn off any noise, set a timer for 5-10minutes and just focuss on your breathing. If you find yourself thinking a thought, notice it, and go back to focussing on your breathing. The answer will come to you. 🙂
Post # 6
I kind of get the feeling that she wants you to say no, honestly. I am sorry, but I would decline.
Post # 7
I would wait on making any decision at this point. Tell her you will think more about it after your wedding. That might help make it easier for you. Plus, you might gain more information on how X and Y will act as bridesmaids between now and then. Has she told them yet that they will be BMs?
Post # 8
I kind of think she wants you to say no, too. Probably for your sake as well as hers. If there were issues along the way, she would surely be in the middle. Even if you rise above it all and are cordial to the other girls, they might start something if they are nutso, right? I’d say no, explaining you don’t want to risk any drama for your friend but offer to help in some other way.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies, I think I will wait until after my wedding and see what happens. My gut feeling is telling me no..but..I’m not sure yet ?
Post # 10
Are you basing this on whether or not she’s hinting at you saying no? I’m not sure I got out of that that she was necessarily hinting for you to back down. (Maybe). But maybe she just wanted to lay all the cards on the table and didn’t know how else to decide if you all can work together. If she was going about trying to get you to turn it down…. well booo for her. Really she could have just said she was just having family nd been done with it.
If she is getting married over two years away, I think you both should just wait and discuss later. (Which sounds like you’re planning on.) Friendships can take a turn or two in 2 years. Who knows, maybe she’ll have a falling out with one of the other girls.
Post # 11
I said yes only because she wouldn’t have asked you if she didn’t want you to be a part of her day. I know it will be difficult to get along with the other two girls, but it’s for your friend. So, I would do my best to put aside your differences and be a part of her day.
Post # 12
I get the feeling she wants you to say no as well, but here is my take on it. It needs to be known by the other two girls that the wedding planning process is about HER. Not your differences. I have 2 BMs who didnt get along at the start of it, and I basically told them both to get over it, they were both important in my life, and that they needed to make it work for my sake (probably the most bridezilla thing I did, but I wasnt going to let someone else compromise the important women in my life.) She needs to step up and do the same. That being said, Id tell her that, but stand back and wait on a decision since she is going to have a long engagement.
Post # 13
DO what feels right to you. And if her wedding isn’t for 2 years… there’s no real need for her to finalize her wedding party yet anyway!