In trouble. Need advice on how to tell FI

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@InTrouble105:  I would want my FI’s support in dealing with this.  He needs to know and sooner rather than later because he will probably be pretty hurt and possibly angry that you held off on telling him.  It may help him understand how stressed and guilty you are about him paying for everything.  But I vote telling him ASAP, today in fact.

Post # 4
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You need to tell him now – not after the wedding.  You won’t be thinking of this on your wedding day you’ll be thinking of only happy things on your wedding day so it will not ruin your wedding day.  However you can’t hide this from him – that could be something that could ruin your marriage.  How would you feel if he did something like this and after the wedding told you “Oh by the way this happened . . ” Telling him after the wedding is waaaay worse.

Post # 5
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@InTrouble105:  please do not wait until after the wedding. tell him immediately. how terrible would it feel saying your vows knowing you are keeping this from him? i don’t say this in order to make you feel worse, i just think it’s best to get this weight off your chest and go into your wedding having shared this with him. 

Post # 6
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@InTrouble105:  You cannot and should not wait until after. One, you need his support. Two, it is most definitely NOT fair to him to have to wait to find out this information until after you pretty much have him bound to you. I think this is something you can get through and something he should be able to deal with, but you will be making a huge mistake by telling him afterwards.

Post # 7
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@InTrouble105:  You need to tell him before the wedding plain and simple. I’d be super pissed off if I found out after the wedding and felt like you tricked me.  I wouldn’t not marry someone because of this one offense, but I’d be so angry if you didn’t tell me beforehand.  Just blurt it out quick – rip it off like a band aid. Good luck!

Post # 9
161 posts
Blushing bee

Tell him before the wedding.  If you wait until after, I don’t think you’ll tell him and you’ll have to hide anything that comes out of it and then it’s a string of lies.  Tell  him, I almost guarantee he’ll be understanding and supportive!

Post # 10
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You certainly should tell him sooner rather than later. The longer that you wait, the worse it will seem. You’re a human being, you made a mistake, it happens! But you do need to tell your FI, no matter how hard it may be. 

Post # 11
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell him right now!!!!! Seroiusly. Like get off wedding bee and go tell him. He will likely be upset but he will only be more upset the longer you wait. And that goes up exponentially if you wait until after the marriage. Also, the sooner you tell him, the sooner he can start getting over it so that it doesn’t have to still be an issue on wedding day. The longer you wait the more likley it is that he will still be upset on wedding day. So do it now. And he loves you. He’ll get over it. We’re all human. It was a mistake, but not the end of the world.

As a recently married bee I would have been upset if I found this out about my fiance 2.5 weeks before the wedding. But I would be completely outraged if I found out that he had kept it from me until after the wedding. TELL HIM NOW!!!!!


Post # 12
4 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

You must tell him now! It can be worse keeping it until after, as he might wonder what else are u keeping from him. You also need all the support you can get. Be honest. Good luck!

Post # 13
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell him right away.  Depending on the cost of what you were trying to shoplift & any existing record, you might be able to get off fairly easy.  Either way, it will be much easier with your FI’s assistance.

You need to figure out how you will afford a lawyer.

Post # 14
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@InTrouble105:  ((HUGS)) Wow, yes, you made a huge mistake.  But I agree with everyone else, you need to tell your FI right away!  Everyone makes mistakes in life and you’re paying the consequences.  Tell him, apologize to him, ask for his help and support and, above all – promise him you will never, ever do something so foolish again.  He loves you – he’ll understand!

I wish you all the best!

Post # 15
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@InTrouble105:  A marriage will be for better or for worse. This is the type of thing that will make you stronger together – if you tell him now. Be careful in how you word it to him – you want to be very careful that it doesn’t come across as you saying it’s his fault you did this (not saying you would, just making sure it’s something you are aware of). Everyone makes mistakes and the important thing is that you learn from it. My fiance unfortunetly got into some trouble himself right before we met but I he was so ashamed of it, and was so honest with me about it that there was no way I could hold it against him. I actually trust him MORE from going through that. 

Now – if your fiance turns his back on you over this, don’t you want to know before the wedding that he won’t be there through the thick and thin of life challenges? 

Don’t beat yourself up over this – seriously, we all have moments where we lack better judgement. You didn’t rob a bank, and it sounds like you’ve learnt your lesson – you’re fine 🙂 You sound so incredibly sad in your post that I just want to give you a tea, chocolate and a hug – then help you with your wedding! Chin up darling 🙂

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