In what circumstances would you get a pre-nup?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
5906 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Ryansgirl:  Ah the Pre-Nup…nothing says, “I love you, but I don’t trust you.” Like that particular document…..I certainly have a lot to loose, that’s no secret and Mr. 99 and I talked about it for like…9 seconds.  And I decided, if we’re going to get married, lets be married, that means all or nothing for me, and so help me god, if Mr. 99 and I fall apart and he robs me in court…well….that’s what I get, but at least we’re both invested and up to our eyebrows in this marriage…there is no get out of jail free card.

Post # 4
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We signed a pre-nup.  DH and I both had student loan debt, but he had about 100k more than I did, thanks to some help from my parents.  My father really wanted us to sign a pre-nup (he’s a lawyer), mostly just because they spent all this money trying to keep me out of debt, and if anything happened, they wanted me to still be able to benefit from that.

Was DH thrilled when I brought it up?  Not really.  Did he actually care?  Not really. 

You can look at a pre-nup two ways – 1) you don’t need one unless you’re planning on using it, so making one means you’re worried it won’t last.  Or 2) you’ll only need it if everything you already thought was true turns completely upside down, and if everything works out and you stay married, then it never comes into play.

From our point of view, it really didn’t matter, we were never gonna need it, but refusing to sign it would’ve been just as bad if not worse, because that would mean that if we got divorced, we didn’t want to have those terms.  So we signed it, it’s sitting in a drawer somewhere, and we don’t ever plan to care about it.

Post # 5
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m conflicted on prenups. Luckily (?), we both had nothing going into marriage so there wasn’t any point in a prenup. It understand that they feel completely in romantic and pessimistic. BUT when you get married you agree to be bound by the rules of the state where you live. Doesn’t it make more sense to be bound by rules you wrote rather than the legislature of your state? I see both sides of this coin. 

Post # 6
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think that getting a prenup is a very personal decision and can range from couple to couple,  but I’m not one to judge that decision. Not only can you include provisions pertaining to what you currently have, but you can also include provisions discussing future earnings – i.e., I don’t want you to get my 50% of my pension if we’re only together for 5 years, or the house will be mine, and you will buy it out at 50%, etc. There’s a lot that can be decided in a prenup, and it can significantly minimize the legal fees and pain that are associated with divorce.

People regularly make the comment that prenups are unromantic, and sure, they are. BUT thinking that you will stay happily married forever is also unrealistic because, as i’m sure everyone knows and sees, divorce is all around us. If you stay married forever, the prenup never comes into play and remains a non-issue.

So, I think if you want one, and you feel like spending the legal fees associated with it, you should do it. After all, marriage, like a prenup, is just another contract.

Post # 7
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I see a prenup as your SO helping to protect you from the person they might become and vice-versa. I look at couples in court where the woman is trying to bleed him dry and think “I would never do that!” but surely all of those women thought that same thing at one time or another?

The me of today wants to protect my SO from harm from the me of the future. I will sign a pre-nup protecting his assets of today and agreeing to a certain percentage of things in the future, incase I suddenly go crazy and want to bleed him dry. 

(this of course works in reverse for him too)

You hope not to ever have a car crash, but that doesn’t mean you don’t take out insurance, just in case. 

I mean, worst case, far flung scenario – he bangs his head and becomes a completely different person from the one I married and wants nothing to do with me. At least the prenup lays out what I am entitled to without argument. 

Post # 8
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would have no problem signing one if my husband had come into the marriage with considerable family assets ($100k+).  That seems like protecting their money, not keeping his from me.  As is our net worths were about equal coming into the marriage. 

He did joke about writing one up so he could keep his car.  I didn’t add my name to the title – it’s all his.  I like it, but unless he sleeps with my mom or something, it’s rightfully his and he can have it, I promised.

Post # 10
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ZoeyGirl:  That totally makes sense.

I’m on the fence about pre-nups personally, but I can see how they’d work in certain situations. I suppose if I were rich and my SO was not, I might consider it… or in a debt situation like Zoey.

Post # 11
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would have considered it if the other person was bad with money (I would have had issues marrying them in the first place though), if I was involved in a family business, if it was a 2nd marriage esp. if kids were involved, and possibly if I had a high net worth, it’s hard to say without being in that situation!

I do think a cohabitation agreement is more important when finances are uneven though.  There’s usually been more discussion before marriage compared to just moving in with someone.

Post # 12
724 posts
Busy bee

Getting legally married is circumstance for me to sign a pre-nup.

Post # 13
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

FI would have to be a millionaire, and even then I would be offended. 

I’m just one of those people who would take it personally. After reading the logical comments above, I totally understand why someone might want one, but I would have a hard time getting away from the emotional side of it (feeling like I am not trusted or that he plans to divorce). 

I know they are becoming more common these days, but so are divorces. I’m not saying correlation is causation, but I feel like it isn’t right for us. To be fully invested in the marriage (in my opinion), you can’t go into it setting up a safety net.

Post # 14
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would have gotten a pre-nup if it were needed to protect family assets, or if we had signifigantly different net worths going into the marriage.  

Based on my understnading, in our jurisdiction you can’t get a pre-nup to govern anything that happens after you get married (child support, alimony, how you’ll split assets that were aquired during the marriage) so none of that needs to be considered.

$10k would not be enough for me to get a pre-nup!  In my case, I entered the marriage with a net worth of about $200k, he with about $100k.  I felt that was close enough to feel comfortable with the risk of having to split it down the middle if we divorced, so I didn’t ask for one.  Obviously this is coupled with the fact that I believe it’s highly unlikely that we’ll divorce (duh).

If I had needed it to protect my parents assests I wouldn’t have hesitated to ask, and in the future I wouldn’t hesitate to get a post-nup if needed.  I’m business minded and I don’t actually think it’s terribly unromantic to look objectively at what you’d be giving up financially if you were to give up on your relationship.


Post # 15
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think there are a lot of circumstances where a pre-nup might be a good idea. On the other hand though, I don’t think I personally would ever enter into a marriage where either of us thought for a second that it was relevant.

Post # 16
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that it’s a personal decision with lots of layers.  We don’t have one, mostly because neither of us had considerable assets or debts coming into the marriage.  I feel like we’re in this together, come hell or high water and so to me there is no “his” or “mine”.  Having said that, I don’t find the idea unromantic nor do I consider it as a free pass to bail on the marriage at the least hiccup.  I’m just a realist that many marriages end (or should end) and of course most couples don’t feel that way at the time….things change, people change, relationships change. I love the idealism of the idea of “forever” (with or without a legal marriage) but I’m also practical enough to know that “forever” isn’t a sure bet.

If, like Nona99 you consider the possibility of the marriage ending, and still forego the prenup, I think that’s ballsy and ironically more wise and more committed than just skipping down the aisle with your head wrapped in cotton candy.  In that scenario, you’re admitting to yourself that relationships are fallible and yet you’re investing anyways.  That, to me, is hugely admirable.  Kind of like a Ride or Die mentality.

Now….if he fucked around on me with some bimbo, all bets are off and his money should be the least of his worries.  

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