In what order do you want the big things to happen in your life?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Whick order do you prefer?
    Moving in, get engaged, get married. I would never have it any other way. : (136 votes)
    36 %
    Get engaged, get married, move in (on wedding day or after). I would never have it any other way. : (44 votes)
    12 %
    Get engaged, move in, get married. I would never have it any other way. : (22 votes)
    6 %
    Moving in, get engaged, get married. But I'm flexible. : (76 votes)
    20 %
    Get engaged, get married, move in (on wedding day or after). But I'm flexible. : (17 votes)
    5 %
    Get engaged, move in, get married. But I'm flexible. : (46 votes)
    12 %
    I don't care. : (9 votes)
    2 %
    I don't know. : (2 votes)
    1 %
    Other: share! :D : (5 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    422 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

    @HopefulCatlover:  very interesting topic. For me it would be get engaged, get married and move in. I am little more traditinal when it come to the whole move in situation. SO is too. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee

    Here’s the timeline of how things played out:

    Started dating

    Moved in together 6 months later

    Will be getting engaged in the next several months (after being together for 9 1/2 yrs)

    Will be getting married in the next few years

    Never having kids (by choice)

    Post # 5
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I VOTED = Move In – Get Engaged – Get Married… definitely believe in living together before Engagement / Marriage.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    998 posts
    Busy bee

    Personally, as long as I get to live with DBF before marriage, I’m flexible. Right now, it’s looking like it’ll go this way:

    start dating – > get engaged -> move in together -> get married -> possibly have children

    This is actually my preferred order. I’d rather have a proposal before we live together, but I would move in if I knew engagement is on the horizon. Then again, I see engagement as more similar to a committed relationship than it is to marriage, so that could be coloring my views.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee

    I voted get engaged, get married, move in, must have it this way. I’m traditional and this is the way it has always been done in my culture, (Nigerian, we generally value marriage and I know not of 1 divorced couple to this date). Also, I’m not interested in waiting ten years for a ring (I’ve seen many people wait years and years and years for a ring, unwillingly, and it’s no coincidence that most of them were living w/ their SO, in my opinion) while my SO gets most of the wife benefits. My opinion, although I do see why some people may think they need to live with their SO before marrying them, though I don’t agree.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @HopefulCatlover:  I feel like the happiest relationships I have seen of never married adults who met each other after they had completed school, had established careers, and were financially independent is to get engaged before moving in. If you meet before you check all of the boxes it isn’t always the case.

     

    For the friends in the same boat I was in, they found their greatest happiness came when both parties agreed to spend their life together and then they moved into a new space to make it their own (either before or after marriage). DH and I would not have lived together before engagement, but found  living together for the second half of our engagement was great– it ensured that we were meant for each other and it was a purposeful next step. 

     

    For those that moved in first (still first time marriages of people out of school, with careers, and money is not an issue), they had to wait much longer for an engagement and a marriage. Many of them never got their own place, but instead one of them moved in with the other. While they love each other, it felt/feels more like a placeholder than a next step. 

     

    Everyone who I know who is happily married encouraged us to get engaged to move in together and to wait until marriage to combine finances. Many of them did not follow that advice themselves. While I’ve only been married 5 months, I think it was wise advice.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee

    @HopefulCatlover:  I used to always believe in get engaged –> get married –> move in. Then I met my ex and modified it to get engaged –> move in –> get married.  After discovering A LOT of things about him that I wish I knew before we got engaged, I am now a firm believer in living together before even getting engaged.  If we had lived together before we got engaged, there’s no way we would have ever gotten engaged/married… which would have been a most excellent thing in my opinion.

    ETA: when I was younger, I had this idea that a guy would never propose if you already lived together (the whole why buy the cow if you’re getting the milk thing).  I now know that’s not true… However, I do think living together first delays the engagement.  So, you will wait longer (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing).

    Post # 10
    Member
    1340 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Get engaged, SET A WEDDING DATE, move in together and get married.

    If your goal is to be married, it’s a terrible idea to move in without the commitment and plan to get married, IMO. For me, it would have been way too stressful to move in together wondering when the heck we’d be getting on with it.

    Also for me, it would have been a terrible idea to wait to move in together after we were married, too. I’d rather have that adjustment period out of the way before entering into the adjustment period of being married. One thing at a time, please!

    Post # 11
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I’d rather know we’re truly right for each other than hold out on moving in just to get a ring. The things you learn about each other from moving in together is unbelievable. It’ll either make you stronger or break you. I’d much rather know before walking down the isle.

    I’ve always said move in well before marriage.

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    9907 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @HopefulCatlover:  FH and I moved in together 7 years ago, I think that it was the best possible decision for us – I know it doesn’t work for everyone.  I can’t imagine not living with someone before deciding to marry them (I guess I could have gotten engaged first then moved in)

    Bottom line – I would never marry someone I had not yet lived with.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2421 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    We both believed in living together before getting engaged/married.  That said, when we did move in together we both knew we were heading for marriage.

    Post # 15
    Member
    454 posts
    Helper bee

    moving in, getting engaged, married, THEN CHILDREN. I will be the first in my family to not have children out of wedlock and not in their TEENS! lol

    Post # 16
    Member
    5432 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I could never get engaged without living with the person first so I said – move in, get engaged, get married (I wouldn’t do it any other way).

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