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I think you learn to communicate in different ways when apart. You are forced to articulate your relationship wants, needs and grievances in a way that you can often get around when you see one another every day. We can talk through any problem when it arises and prevent many through developing. I think this has strengthened our foundation for the invetiable challenges of marriage.
One plus I've seen is that we really know each other! There are none of the physical distractions that sometimes make us fall in love quickly based on how good we feel together. I feel with my FH I KNOW his hopes, dreams, fears. I honestly can't think of a topic we haven't discussed! He is my best friend and we are master communicators because at the end of the day all we really have is communication when were apart.
You dont get sick of seeing each other all the time! lol.
Plus, an LDR makes the time you do get to spend together so special and amazing.
I have to agree with all the above comments :) I feel you get to really know each other better and how to communicate. When you are in a SDR it's easier to just blow things off and cuddle on the couch than talk about what's really on your mind.
Definitely agree with the communication comments. I feel that my FI and I have such a strong foundation for our relationship. We talk about everything and really value the time that we do get to spend together.
Also, finishing graduate school is very stressful so being in an LDR is helpful in that I don't feel like I am neglecting my FI when I am very busy with school related work because we are not in the same state. It is a great break for me when I do get to see him so it is a nice balance.
I agree with @futuredrbraun ...when I was in an LDR, I had great grades! I knew my man was there for me, but I wasn't tempted to hang w/ him all the time and neglect my studies...I also wasn't dealing w/ single drama...I know it is still hard though for those still in LDR!
I was also not having PM sex, so I think it helped slow down the physical stuff some, too!
I can't add much to what the other poster's have already said. We got to know each other through hours and hours of conversation. Any topic was game since it meant we didn't have to hang up the phone. After living together for almost 10 months, I must say I miss those talks. Somedays get so crazy busy that we don't take the time to talk, when a year ago, we would have made that time because that is all we had.
Yep, definitely the communication!
For us, another huge benefit was realizing that if we were going to get into a LDR, at 25 years old, it had to be for real. I've had a lot of really flaky relationships over the years and am pretty well done with that phase of my life, so to start out talking "can we get married some day?" from square one was awesome. It's made our relationship so much more intentional!
Getting to travel internationally would probably be a benefit he would say :) ~heck, I took him to climb the great wall!
I totally agree that you come up with more effective ways to communicate with one another.
My FI, in past relationships, was very closed off & held onto to his feelings. Even when we first started dating he had trouble telling me how he really felt... it took a lot of work, but now he's an open book.
We may be apart most of the year, but we know each other better than we ever could if we had the distractions of careers, groceries, tv, etc, etc. I think people assume that your LDR is all sunshine & roses when you get together because you're on your "best behavior" or "honeymoon stage" but we are so far past that! We're real & we know each other through and through! lol sometimes I wish we were still in our honeymoon mushy stage...
I completely agree that you get to know each other much better. It's because all we have is the phone so we have to actually talk if we want to have a relationship!
A few months ago, we played some board game that was modeled after the Newleywed game with one couple that has been married for a few months (and lived together before that) and another couple that had been living together for a while. I thought we would never win since the other ones had much 'closer' relationships....but we ended up beating both of the couples. Made me think we were doing something right :o)
@jbsgirl: That's so cute!! Go team LDR!
Mr. RB and I played that game before & we smoked the others... lol
i concur with the communication! we're forced to be honest about our needs, wants and expectations because we don't get the option of hoping the other person will see that we're in a bad mood and ask us what's wrong. we have to be proactive and discuss things out before they get really bad.
also, we were able to get to really know each other without getting physical too soon and too fast. we were able to focus on each other clearly.
we also knew this was going to be something special if we were going to be involved in a long distance relationship. it wasn't easy and we had our issues but we've managed to forge a much stronger level of respect for one another. i definitely wouldn't have tried this if i didn't think he was the one for me.
I agree with all of the other comments. I think my FI and I have learned to read each other's voices so much better. I can tell what kind of day he's having and he can do the same for me just int he way he answers the phone when I call him or he calls me. We can finish each other's sentences and sometimes we actually do it just to get on each other's nerves....LOL
We had the opportunity to know each other's spirits in a way that we wouldn't have had we been closer together and able to indulge in the physical side more.
Defining the relationship is easier and quicker - you have to be on the same page or end it.
And we definitely treasure every moment - even when watching each other disappear through the airport security checkpoint and holding back tears.
I agree with everything that has been said - communication has really been strengthened for us, and we definitely appreciate our time together a lot more. We started out "SD" and went LD, and we have way less petty fights and that kind of thing because we realize time is precious and its not worth it.
I think LDRs are actually very romantic, and I think an "everyday" relationship where you live together and see each other all the time can actually get kind of mundane in comparison. The ups and downs of longing for each other and then being reunited and feeling so happy to be together has been really romantic in a dramatic sense, and I think the drama queen in me will miss that a little... but just a little!!
The first time we were separated, I didn't know if I could ever get back to him. The second time there was massive change to the work visa requirements as I was trying to get a new visa, and I didn't know if I would see him in a month? 6? year? In both cases we were reunited faster than we thought, but both situations gave us amazing clarity about how serious our relationship was. I would never have had that so quickly if we had been in a SDR the whole time.
Team LDR, I like it
Our communication is stellar. When we did our premarital counseling, he had no suggestions for us basically! The one he did have was about money--but we both like our way better. His was too complicated and weird for us!
Also, I might've been that girl in college who would've spent more time with her guy than her friends. Instead, I now have super awesome and close girlfriends that'll be around forever. So it really helped me detach and be a better friend. You could ALWAYS count on me for a night out =]
Also, it forces you to grow up. I stopped crying and I learned to deal with life. I had to learn to do things on my own--no calling the BF to help change my tire, no "go shopping with me, i don't wanna go alone!!!" and stuff like that. I didnt' want to be a big baby and just be all bummed out about how our situation was so I tried to embrace the individuality I was given. It has transgressed to other areas of my life. Basically, I'm a big girl now and I can take whatever you throw at me and toss it right back. If he'd been around more, I think i would've been more dependent on him and I'm not sure I like that concept.
Communication definitely improves when you in an LDR bc you have to be creative about it! I became an expert at learning to type and use things like italics, bold, caps etc to get my meanings across :)
I think you also appreciate each other so much more and really enjoy the time you get to spend together, so nothing is ever taken for granted...
EJS, I totally hear you about being a "big girl". For the first 8 months FI and I were together, we were ALWAYS together and super clingy. I thought that was what it meant to be in love. Being apart has taught me I can be in love with him and still be independent. I think it will help when I move to Baltimore to live with him, because I won't be depending on him to make my life there for me.
Good insights ladies! I think a big advantage for me was how independent I've become. I take care of my car, my finances, etc. Yeah, it'd be nice to have Lambster around to deal with some of the stuff I'd rather not - but I CAN do it all and take care of myself.
You appreciate the time you do have together so much more. You are able to prioritize much better. And, you don't get irritated by each other as much, if at all. Oh yea... COMMUNICATION is hands down a lot stronger in LDR than in SDR. You must be able to communicate to make it work. Wait... trust! I think you learn to trust each other a lot faster than SDRs.
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Haha I just made up SDR (Short Distance Relationship)... but you get the idea.
We all know that living near each other is vastly preferable in a lot of ways... so let's focus on the flip side for a moment! :-)
Here's one big advantage of being in an LDR: you never ever take time with your SO for granted. Every second together is precious... you spend a lot more time optimizing your time together. Plans are made in advance and savored, and you go on adventures together all over the city.
Once you're in an SDR, you get that quantity time... but not necessarily the same degree of quality time. Well some people keep that up, but I am not one of them.
Also: when you're in an LDR, it's a lot easier to balance being in a relationship with spending time with friends. :-)
How about for you: in what ways is an LDR better than being in a short-distance relationship?