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I had told my bridesmaid to wear a knee length black dress. One bridesmaid been looking for one for the last 5 months and today she finally found one that she liked. She had sent me a picture of the front and I thought it was pretty but then I looked it up and it's backless and I think it's inappropriate for a bridesmaid. I told her it was a little risque but she said she didn't think so and that I never saw anything about it can't be backless. I asked her to wear a shaw but it's still bothering me. Should I ask her to get another dress?
Yeah, the open back is pretty bold. Not to mention, the dress isn't exactly knee length...
Has she already bought the dress? Can you perhaps help her in her pursuit of another? Seems like a little too much skin, in my opinion.
I don't think it's that risque. If the sides were cut in closer so you had some side boob cleavage or something, I wouldn't think it would be appropriate but I think it looks fine, especially with a shawl.
I think its okay, and people are really only going to see her back for the 30 seconds she's walking down the aisle.
are you letting them all choose their own? if this is a dress that you're requiring a bunch of girls to wear - I would go for something a little longer. I'm on the slimmer side and would be uncomfortable showing this much leg at a wedding.
or is this something that she's just picked out herself? because you let her pick her own? That's tricky. I personally think it's too much skin, but I also think that after you've passed on the "pick whatever you want" torch to your bridesmaids and haven't set guidelines, it's all out of your hands.
i agree with you, i think it's too skimpy, but I also would have made it much more specific than "black knee length dress" so as to avoid such situations. eek you might be stuck? sorry this didn't help.....
Doesn't seem risque at all to me, but perhaps you should ask her to wear a shawl if you feel it is inapprops.
She already purchased the dress. The description said the model is 5'10 and my friend is 5'7 so i think it'll be a little longer on her. I'm just having a problem with all the skin showing in the back when none of the other bridesmaids are showing that much skin.
I guess it's true that most often, people will be looking at her front instead of her back, especially during the ceremony. Is she okay with a shawl? Maybe you can compromise that she wears the shawl for the ceremony and then can remove it and "let loose" a bit for the reception?
I think its too much for a wedding. I would politely apologize for not giving more guidelines, but you don't think that dress is appropriate and then give her an example more in line with your expectations.
It seems a little too revealing to me for the ceremony. I like the dress, but think she needs to cover up a bit for the ceremony.
I think it's a little inapproptiate. I would tell her that you like the dress however you do not think that it is what envisioned when you told everyone to pick out a knee length black dress. Let her know that you wanted something a bit more toned down and longer. If you think she needs more help then I would then offer to go shopping with her so that you can help her find something. If all else fails buy her a dress that you feel is more appropriate, because she can't fight about it if she didn't pay for the dress.
Maybe some more direction would have been good, but then again you probably figured she had some common sense! If you wanted knee length, I think most people would have understood that you'd want a back to it and no plunging necklines (I'm throwing that out there so she doesn't find a dress with a back but little front ;)
Go ahead and give her a more detailed description of what you want.
I think that it actually isnt that bad, I mean at least its not the front that is cut soo low and her girls were hangin out ya kno?? Its just a back, and alot of bm dresses now are strapless with backs out..
I think its a cute dress...plus better to show too much in the back than in the front! :o)
it doesn't seem risque to me, but it depends on her shape/bust etc. I think the shawl will be fine with it
I really like it I guess It may look a little odd though if the other bm's dresses are longer.
I would agree that it seems strange your bridesmaid would go with the backless look without getting your approval first (and that it would take 5 months to find a black dress she liked)... but now that it's been bought, I'd be tempted just to let it go rather than make a big deal out of it. It's not horrible. It's a little too much skin, but I wouldn't call it overly-scandalous.
And to other posters - I've noticed that usually dresses appear shorter on models than on normal people... maybe because models are tall or have really long legs?
I really like the dress and it doesn't seem very risqué to me at all. A lot of dresses these days are backless. There's no side boob or anything. Also when you said backless, before I scrolled down, I expected way worse, like down to the waist (which would be inappropriate).
I think it depends on your venue. If you were having a church wedding then I'd say yes, perhaps it is a little full on for a church or more formal ceremony. If you're having more of a relaxed or night ceremony then it's probably not so bad. Although, you seem to be a bit uncomfortable with the whole idea so maybe you should have a little chat with her about it.
I dont think its risque at all but thats me. I would say it also depends on the venue and who you are inviting. Do you have a lot of older guests that would be horrified with it?
I don't think it's too risque, especially if she wears a shawl for the ceremony.
I like it, and with a shaw I don't think it will be that bad.
Not a fan. I HATE when I go to a wedding with a "wear any ___ color dress" and some girls have really trashy ones. Then again I am more conservative. I think if your friend is the same size as this girl it won't be bad. But if she's chunky at all (like me! I'm on the way north side of chunky! LOL) then it'll make it that much worse. I guess I'd just have to see it on her to judge- and you would have to too.
I agree with June42011 that a shawl would help.
Thanks everyone. I know it's not that bad which is why I'm debating but I spoke to my fiance and in the end we both feel it's too much skin for our wedding party. If she was just a wedding guest I would have no problem with her wearing this but in the end it's going to be in all my formal pictures and I would be unhappy.
i agree with you ShoppingDixie. completely inappropriate for a ceremony. just make sure you tell her nicely and offer to go on her next shopping trip with her.
if she already purchased that dress, no big deal if she cant return it...she could wear that to a lot of places...like a club/bar...but NOT TO ANOTHER WEDDING :)
I think is really annoying/rude when a bride tells their bridesmaids to pick something in xyz color that is xyz long- but then when the bridesmaids do it, the bride doesn't like it. If the bride wants it to be something more specific, they need to be more specific with their guidelines. I am going to let my girls pick from a certain color/fabric but I'm going to go with them also.
I personallywould be really aggravated if I went out and bought a dress within the guidelines but was then told it wasn't good enough/ right and I'd have to buy another one.
I think you should let her wear it.
I ditto all the other comments about wearing a shawl at the ceremony b/c most of your pictures will be frontal views, so I don't see it interfering with that. As for the length, it probably will be fine since models are usually super tall (whenever my girls would try on dresses they were so much longer on them than on the models!) I am letting my girls pick, but I asked them to show it to me for approval before they actually buy it!
I personally love it.. and think it is appropriate.. I have been to weddings in churches where BM are in strapless dresses.. I think it is so pretty and plus the BM's could where it again.. good choice!
I think it's really cute. I don't have a problem with a lot of back showing, though. I think it's perfectly fine.
@helstrong she said KNEE length to them and this clearly isn't. Granted it might be better on the person than model, but it's not, IMHO, an apropriate length to be standing up for someone in their ceremony. Also, the poster might not have thought she'd have to say "and please nothing backless." Everyone has their own opinions about what's appropriate. She can absolutely tell her it's not going to work... since it's her wedding.
I think most of the photos would be a front view. If she will wear a shawl, for the ceremony I think it would it would be okay, and I would just let it go.
Depending on her size, I really don't think that it is going to be a huge issue. Guests will only look at her for the short time she walks down the aisle, and even if they think "wow, open back?" the next bridesmaid will be on her way. The biggest thing is that people will be looking at YOU! If your other bridesmaids are wearing dresses that you like, I wouldn't worry about it reflecting poorly on you at all. Just go with it, it's not worth a fight.
If the wedding is in a church, then yes, it's inappropriate. If it's outdoors, it might be okay.
The most important thing is how YOU feel. The last thing you need to be worrying about on your wedding day is whether or not your BM looks ho-ish. You have too much stuff on your plate as it is. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it's not appropriate. End of discussion, she gets another dress.
I think this is a fablous debate. Look at how divided the opinions are. I don't think the dress is something that would strike me as inappropriate.
If you are getting married in a church, I'd say the dress is inappropriate for the ceremony. So maybe you could approach it as, she could wear it to the reception. But would need another for the ceremony.
I'm not crazy about the backless or that the length is a bit shorter than you asked. But if you're fine with a guest wearing it, I think it's fine for your BM. Her back really isn't going to be in the pics. So it's just about the length of the dress.
To me from the front, it looks like a black dress you could find anywhere. So, to me, I'm thinking she picked it BECAUSE of the back.
I would have approached it more from the "It's not knee length" and even if she's 3 inches shorter than the model, I don't think it will be knee length. Being 5'11" I'll say that most dress like that on me are still above knee on my old 5'4" housemate.
If it is a church ceremony, i'd say no. Unless all your BMs are having a shawl I'd say she needs something else. You don't want only one girl with a shawl in your images.
If it's an outdoor wedding or a garden wedding I wouldn't really care, most girls will probably have open back, strapless, or other kinds of dresses revealing some back. But again, from the front it looks really plain and boring, so I bet she got it just for the back.
Do you know where she bought it, unless from a bridal store she can probably return it.
@ Helstrong: I think that's being a little harsh. We assume that our friends who normally have good taste and common sense will choose dresses that will be appropriate, but that is not always the case.
For example, I gave my two bridesmaids a bunch of colours they could choose from and gave them pretty much free rein because they both dress well and have a good sense of style. I also said that patterns were OK, thinking of stripes, florals, polka dots or abstract patterns etc. One of the dresses my two friends chose and both really liked was a large scale print of TURTLES. I am not having anything resembling a tropical, beachy, aquarium or nautical theme. My wedding's in a garden and then a nice Chinese restaurant. I have never seen them wear any picture of or print involving an animal. And yet, they wanted to wear dresses covered with turtles the size of a hand in my bridal party. I would never have thought to have the caveat - "Please do not chose dresses with pictures of animals."
Bug-in-a-rug that is so true and pretty much what happened here. She's 32 always dress conservatively so I've never seen her in anything that showed a lot of skin. Originally I was going to have them pick a designer and I was going to choose a color and all the dresses she suggested back then were not at all flashy so when I let them have free reign I never thought I would need to give exact guidelines. None of the other bridesmaids had a problem picking a dress.
I had even run this by 2 of my other bridesmaid and they both thought it was a little too much skin for my wedding. I really didn't want to veto it but I knew if I just let it go I would just be mad at myself for letting something I did not want in my wedding.
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