Post # 1
My son’s stepmother has a tendency to dress very inappropriately. She’s in her late 40’s but she dresses like a street walker. It’s very hard to explain in words because it doesn’t give you the full impact. However, she is small (about 5’2″) and has a very tiny waist and hips (size 0); she is extremely large on top (I’d guess about an HH). She had a complete hysterectomy when she was a young teenager and the whacked out hormones gave her exceedingly large breasts, especially considering her overall size. That would all be fine except that she dresses to emphasize everything. At my youngest son’s graduation from Army Basic Training, she wore a very short tangerine colored pleather skirt and a tight orange top with 5″ stilettos. At the second day’s event, she wore a very clingy striped dress with a deep cowl neck in front and with an open back to bottom. Since it was opened in the back, she didn’t wear a bra. It was also raining hard that day, making the outfit cling more and it became more revealing. At one point during the ceremony, she bent over to pick something up and fell out of the side! My ex is also a field grade officer and I’m not sure he realizes how this reflects on him.
My oldest son and his fiance are now worried about how she will dress at the wedding. They asked me to say something to my ex to encourage her to wear something appropriate. I don’t think that the request would be well-received coming from me. I have told my son that he should tell his father that he is looking forward to seeing them at the wedding. However, he felt that his stepmother’s choice of clothing at the graduation was inappropriate for that event and would be inappropriate for the wedding. I further told him to say that while his stepmother is welcome at the wedding and can wear what she would like to wear, he and his bride would make the final determination of whether the outfit is appropriate for their wedding photos. That way if everyone is able to just ignore the outfit(s) and enjoy the events, they won’t have to worry about having photos ruined (that was their major concern).
Do you all think this is the proper way to handle this?
Post # 3
@antiques55: The son should definitely be the one to speak to his dad and step-mother. You, sorry, aren’t in the picture anymore and really have no say over it.
What you suggested sounds perfect and be sure to let the photog know whether or not to take her pictures.
I can understand her wanted to dress to show off her figure. To be in her 40’s and be able to wear clothing like that (and be that size) is a feat in itself. BUT she should wear something more appropriate for the occassion. A bit longer and modest, definitely.
There are PLENTY of slinky, sexy outfits that are more covering and appropriate. (Trust me, I’ve looked, lol)
Post # 4
@antiques55: totally not your place to have to say something to your ex about it! they should NOT be putting you in this situation… i’m sorry! maybe arrange for your FDIL to go shopping with both of you and her mother, that way there’ll be 3 of you pulling appropriate dresses versus a one on one situation. if she sees that everyone is looking for more modest things, then maybe she’ll get the point… that would be the time for someone (FDIL) to say something about the expected attire. if the stepmom refuses to comply, then you’ve all done your part and she’ll be left looking like a trampy idiot!
Post # 5
I think you have it absolutely right. It probably would not be well-received coming from you, and your son should handle it. I think the wording you’ve laid out for him to use is perfect.
Post # 6
Agreed. You shouldn’t have anything to do with it. I like elliestan’s idea, though!
Post # 7
I agree with Ryna, what you’ve suggested is great. I wouldn’t want to put my mother between myself and my step mother and father…that would just be weird…and could possibly pull up “you’re jus jelous” type comments. I think your son should address it directly with his dad as you suggestd.
Post # 8
I think that a shopping trip together sounds good. My mom is not much of a dresser herself so instead of letting her just go and choose her own dress I suggested us going shopping together and make a girls day of it. I know she wont buy something if I tell her I dont think its appropriate. Same will go for my step mom. She tends to dress down way too much. I know she would show up with cut off shorts andn one of my dads t-shirts on as well so a shopping day with her is in the works also.
Best of luck to her.
Post # 9
I agree with @Ryna, unfortunately (or fortunately) you aren’t involved with your ex, therefore you will only come off looking bad. Let your son do the talking….
Post # 10
I agree with PP’s – not your place. I feel like that could only stir up more drama, and she might go overboard in retaliation. If he’s uncomfortable with it, he should be the one to address it with his father and the stepmother.
Post # 11
that’s ridiculous. if your son is mature enough to get married, he is mature enough to deal with this on his own.