Include Fiance on this year's Christmas cards?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I say sure why not! You’re already engaged, and he’ll be apart of your family soon. If it feels right, then go right ahead.

Post # 3
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Me abd my fiancé have been putting each other’s names on cards for years and we’ve only been engaged a few months 🙂 I don’t see what’s wrong with it

Post # 5
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I say if he’s good enough to marry then he should be good enough to put on the card! lol! 

Post # 6
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 We’re newlyish engaged as well and i’ve been putting his name on bday cards, xmas cards, anniversary cards you name it before we were even engaged. i dont see a problem. hes your family as well.  

Post # 9
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

OF COURSE you include your FI!! you are sharing a life together so why would you not include him in a family affair?

Post # 10
Member
4778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would! I also wanted to say we got engaged on 8/15 and our anniversary is 12/19, so close to one another! 

Post # 11
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

If you are sticklers for proper form, and you do not already live together, then you do not send out correspondence together as a couple until after you are married. However, in recognition that you value your future husband’s friends and family and are not planning to cut him off from them, you make a point of sending a Christmas card in your own name, to everyone on his Christmas-card list whom you have met. In the same way, he sends a card to all of your friends and family whom he has met. You will send out joint cards in 2017, when you are already married.

Now, of course, if you are already living together then, for all practical purposes, you are already married, form and function, lacking only the ceremonial celebration of what is already fait accompli. In which case, you might as well function as a married couple in regard to your Christmas cards, as in regard to your living arrangements.

Post # 12
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee

If the sentiments are from you both then I think it’s A-OK! 

Post # 14
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What aspasia said is correct. I’d base it on whether you are living together when you send out the cards, which seems to favor sending them out jointly.

My only concern would be whether it is possible for your former in laws to see or hear about the other cards or hear about the engagement from someone else before you can tell them.

Best wishes and much happiness!

Post # 15
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Well, I think there’s a few questions here that can change what’s appropriate to do.

Are you living together? If so, then it would make sense to send cards out together. My FH and I have been living together for two years now — this is the third Christmas we’re spending together, actually. Last year, his parents sent their card addressed to both of us as a couple, and even our friends call us “The Hislasnames” by now. No one would bat an eyelash at a joint card from us, since we’re already socially functioning as married.

Next question. Does your late first husband’s family know you’re engaged? Do they know you’re living with your new significant other? If they don’t, the holidays would be a bad BAD time to bring that up. If you haven’t told them, I would just send cards separately this one last time, and wait until early next year (so as to not create drama during the festivities), and tell them then. Don’t let the joint card or Facebook be the way they find out about the engagement. Call them, tell them in person if you can.

It also depends on how much his family approves of your new beau. If they like him and are supportive, they’ll be more receptive to a joint card. If they aren’t, it might be a wise idea to send them a different version of your card, signed by only you.

I think ettiquette is a lot about being socially aware, and having a good feeling for what’s appropriate your situation and circumstances.

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