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How about I move this to encore where others have done this before and included their children (we have the most gorgeous photos of a recent encore bride btw and their adorable son/stepson).
I would write the vows from my heart. If they sound stepmonster-ish, then write something loving and welcoming. I think it's beautiful you want to include your child and my guy and I will be including our kids in our ceremony too.
I wish you all the happiness in the world!
When M and I get married, I really want to have the kids and M and I pour liquids of different colors into a container showing that five different personalities and humans are combining to form one new family...
At my girlfriend's wedding she said vows to her new stepdaughter who was like 7 at the time. It went along the lines of "I wasn't there when you took your first steps, but I promise you that now I will love and support you in every step that you take in your life". Not a dry eye in the house. FI and I are planning to do something similar for my daughter at our wedding.
One thing that I saw was great was when a family did the unity candle together. The daughter helped the father light the candle and then helped the mother light the candle. You could also use this same idea with a sand ceremony (just a 3rd color of sand).
@eeniebeans, what your friend said is just beautiful.. perfect!!
Oh Eeniebeanies, that is sooo sweet! May I borrow that too?
My parents included both me and my younger sister in their wedding and vows, last year (my biological father and, well I guess she's technically my step mom, but she's really my mom in all sense of the word). My mom doesn't have any children from her previous marriage, and considers both me and my sister her daughters. They asked us both to stand up with them during the ceremony (sort of like honor attendants) and talked about how when they married it was creating a family, etc. Very beautiful! Perhaps write your own vows to include her/the family if you don't like the examples you found. Just let it come from your heart. I know that even as an adult daughter I was excited and truly touched by being asked to be involved in my parents' wedding, so I know your FI's daughter would be over the moon. :)
-Bella
Thank you ladies! Beautiful suggestions :) Just the inspiration I needed to get started. Thank you thank you!
Along those lines, my stepdad once wrote me a poem for my birthday as a teenager that discussed how he hadn't seen me grown up, but he loved the woman I had grown up to be. Makes me cry just thinking about it, actually :)
This is one of the sample vows I give to my couples that may be a good jumping off point, too:
[Name], I love you and I know this love is a gift and is meant to be.
Because of this, I want to be your spouse/wife/husband.
As the two of us are joined on this day, we become part of each other:
your feelings become my feelings;
your sorrows become my sorrows;
your joys become my joys;
your cares become my cares,
and your children become my children.
With your help and guidance I promise to be a true and faithful spouse/wife/husband and parent,
always there to comfort you, rejoice with you,
and endure all the complexities of life that we will face together as a family.
My love for you and your/our child/ren is pure and unshakable,
and I hereby commit myself to all of you from this day forward.
My fiance and I have a 3 year old son. He is both of ours, but we are not including him in the vows. However we did buy him a little itty bitty ring that looks like our wedding bands and he will be included in the exchange of the rings or whatever that part is called. We will say the with this ring i thee wed to each other and then to him we are going to say with this ring we pledge our love and devotion to you, to little jason. Also we are doing the unity candle and he is blowing out the two we use to light the one.
I have two children and the Boy has two as well. I would like to include them in the ceremony and would like to give them a little token, like a necklace all the children will have or a bracelet or some sort.
I like the idea of the sand ceremony, with everyone pouring in their own colors to symbolize the creation of a new family.
These are all great ideas!
I also would like to chime in to say that the poem from our WB Pro Jessie Blum is just beautiful. So beautiful. Those vows are some of the most beautiful and loving words I've ever read before.
Once again, may I borrow these?
Thank you Jessie for sharing that!
@ennie: What beautiful sentiments... it totally made me cry!
I think including your children is a beautiful idea & your ideas are wonderful! I love crebre's idea too!
I recently went to a wedding where they gave his & her ADULT children rings & said vows to the "kids". It was really awkward because it looked like none of the 20something & 30somethings wanted anything to do with the ceremony.
Is it common to include adult children in your vows or is this more of a ceremony for younger children??
I have never heard of including adult children. Creepy! (IMO). If my dad got remarried now to his girlfriend we would all happily attend the wedding but there is NO reason we'd be in it. I mean, it's not like his girlfriend would suddenly be a mother to us. We're all over 25!
-mona
My FI and I don't plan on saying any special vows for the children...well I am not sure about the FI since my daughter is only 12. His kids are 23 and 19 so it would be weird for me to include them as if they were still kids that needed care. I have a great relationship with the 19 year old and plan to have a great relationship with the 25 year old (my FI just found out he existed about a month ago) but I don't plan on calling them out in any special way.
I think, when including kids, it very much has to do with HOW they want to be involved, too. When my parents got married (ten years ago yesterday!), I walked my mom down the aisle, and my stepsisters, stepbrother, and I formed the wedding party, and my stepbrother held the ring, but other than that (and giving toasts at the reception), that was the extent of our involvement, and the way we wanted it (we ranged in age from 10 to 17 at the time). It was also a fairly traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, so there wasn't much room for personalization.
Another idea which may work for older kids (may not be good for you, Elizabeth), is to include them in the signing of a marriage contract or a ketubah. My parents weren't very happy with the ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) that their rabbi gave them on the day of their wedding, so for their tenth anniversary, I worked with a friend of mine to design one. Traditionally, the bride and groom and rabbi sign it - but we had my parents, me, and my stepsiblings sign it, and it was a really sweet thing to do to show that we are a family.
Bellenga, of course! Feel free to use, steal, borrow, and adapt. They're some of my favorite vows. And thank you so much!
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Hello Bees!
MY FI has a 6-year old daughter from a previous relationship - she is beautiful and smart and I love her more than words can say. Anyhow, my FI and I have been together for over four years (the majority of her life), so we are already very much a loving and happy little family. We really want to include her in the wedding ceremony - she is very excited about the wedding and we want her to know that she is as much a part of this union as we are.
The only problem is that all of the examples I've found are very cold and "evil step-parent" sounding.
Is anyone else doing this? If so, what are you saying to each other?
Thanks for your input!