Weddingbee boards

One thing that I saw was great was when a family did the unity candle together. The daughter helped the father light the candle and then helped the mother light the candle. You could also use this same idea with a sand ceremony (just a 3rd color of sand).

@eeniebeans, what your friend said is just beautiful.. perfect!!

Along those lines, my stepdad once wrote me a poem for my birthday as a teenager that discussed how he hadn't seen me grown up, but he loved the woman I had grown up to be.  Makes me cry just thinking about it, actually :)

This is one of the sample vows I give to my couples that may be a good jumping off point, too:

[Name], I love you and I know this love is a gift and is meant to be.
Because of this, I want to be your spouse/wife/husband.
As the two of us are joined on this day, we become part of each other:
your feelings become my feelings;
your sorrows become my sorrows;
your joys become my joys;
your cares become my cares,
and your children become my children.
With your help and guidance I promise to be a true and faithful spouse/wife/husband and parent,
always there to comfort you, rejoice with you,
and endure all the complexities of life that we will face together as a family.
My love for you and your/our child/ren is pure and unshakable,
and I hereby commit myself to all of you from this day forward.

I think, when including kids, it very much has to do with HOW they want to be involved, too.  When my parents got married (ten years ago yesterday!), I walked my mom down the aisle, and my stepsisters, stepbrother, and I formed the wedding party, and my stepbrother held the ring, but other than that (and giving toasts at the reception), that was the extent of our involvement, and the way we wanted it (we ranged in age from 10 to 17 at the time).  It was also a fairly traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, so there wasn't much room for personalization.

Another idea which may work for older kids (may not be good for you, Elizabeth), is to include them in the signing of a marriage contract or a ketubah.  My parents weren't very happy with the ketubah (Jewish marriage contract) that their rabbi gave them on the day of their wedding, so for their tenth anniversary, I worked with a friend of mine to design one.  Traditionally, the bride and groom and rabbi sign it - but we had my parents, me, and my stepsiblings sign it, and it was a really sweet thing to do to show that we are a family.

Bellenga, of course!  Feel free to use, steal, borrow, and adapt.  They're some of my favorite vows.  And thank you so much!

This is something I want to totally do with the kids.  Problem... I have very very bashful children.  I can imagine them not saying a word or in the case of my son, breaking down all the way to the ground and hiding his face.  Or even some tears from my oldest daughter.  If anyone has ideas on incorporating children in the vow portion of the wedding... specifically something for shy children.  I'd love to hear your ideas. 

My FI had a ring designed just for my daughter with her birthstone in it that he will give her during the ceremony.  Not sure if he's going to say any vows....I'm going to leave it up to him what he wants to do.  He also 'proposed' to her the week after he asked me (she was visiting her dad so she didn't know we were engaged yet). 

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/08/the-cutest-proposal-ever-you-g.html

@daniellemybelle - I see your point; however, I have a different experience.  Although their marriage failed, my stepfather has remained an important figure in our lives.  He made it a point to remain in our lives and my mother agreed with that.  They both wanted us to know that the bond to the children was forever, even if the marriage failed.  I know in my case, Mister and I have already agreed to never, EVER keep the children away from the other, especially in the event of a divorce, which isn't an option for us, given this is an encore for both of us.  We look at things a little differently as far as "step" children go.  They are not my "step" children.  They are MY CHILDREN and just like my ex-husband and I have maintained the relationship with the children, the same will happen if anything ever caused me and Mister to get a divorce.  So, I see your point and I know it does happen where the "step" parent disappears off the face of the planet.  But in our case, we're coming together as one family, NOT just husband and wife.  So, even if the husband and wife part ends, we'll all remain a family, no matter what.  I've seen it done in my own family many many times.  I'm still close with my dad's ex wife and my siblings (not biological) from that marriage and I call them my brothers not my "step" brothers.   To each its own and I know every situation is different, but for my family and his; children are very important and once you become part of the family you are part of the family for LIFE, even if the marriage ends.  You're still family.  I'm so sad you had a bad experience. 

My sisters (steps and biological) and I were 5,4,4, and 3 when my mom and stepdad got married. We were all flowergirls. I remember being relaly excited about wearing a dress and little white gloves, and getting to stay up late. Other than that, I can't say I really remember much else. Although, 4 is pretty young I guess.

I suppose my point is that the vows to a young child might mean more for you and your partner and other family members than they do to the child. The child will probably be more excited about other parts of the wedding, things that aren't as important emotionally to you and your partner. So maybe find some kid-friendly ways to make their day special too.