Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
OK so FI parents are very involved in the wedding and have always wanted to be . They can be quite particular about things and want it done their way so ive handed off stuff to them that i can leave alone.They are doing the rehearsal dinner and i have no idea where it is or what theyre doing but ive handed it off to them. Also step MIL making the ceremony programs, again … ive checked the wording and order of service but no idea how thats going to look. She has not communicated anything to me again …. Ive passed it off and let it go.
On the actual day we are giving them presents, also the mothers are wearing wrist corsages and the fathers are wearing corsages too. FIL has the same suit and shirt as party and step MIL is wearing same colour as bridesmaids. Was not a huge fan of this either but i let it go.
So today FI says he doesnt think parents are acknowledged and recognised enough in the wedding … I am floored!! He want them to walk down the aisle before the bridal party so everyone knows who they are. Our wedding has less that 50 people total at the moment, whos not going to know who they are? Then theres the issue as my mum (as i do) thinks this is stupid and doesnt want to do it but will do it if they do it as she doesnt want to appear absent. Then theres the issue that we are dealing with mum, stepmum and father. He wants just he dad to walk down and i see that being an issue with divorced mum but step mum isnt gonna like mum and dad walking down together.
I put my foot down and said no im not happy. It seems absurd, for them to be going down the aisle before me in such a small wedding and I dont think they need extra recognition. So then he suggested they sit off to the side … i had to be honest i hated that idea too, how formal and stuffy and we need people to sit in the centre. Its a small wedding. Hes upset with me as he said his parent have been amazing throughout his life and he just wants to acknowledge that and has called it my wedding not ours.
The truth is his famiily (and their style/people) are all over this wedding more than mine (which my family is upset about) and I just need them to back off. It being held in their country by their pastor etc etc. At the same time I have to consider my fiances feelings. But is he being unreasonable?
I dont know …. I really need some advice. Any other ideas of how to acknowledge family or do you think i should stick to my guns.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
oh and i should mention wedding is 8 days away
Post # 4
The parents are often seated after the guests and just before the wedding party.
Groomsmen can escort the mothers down the aisle, ( you didn’t metnion your Dad) followed by his Dad and stepmom.
They sit in the front row on either side of the aisle. Some weddings leave the very front row empty. The parents are seated in the second row.
Post # 5
I say have a brief reading that specifically thanks parents in general. THis is ours
“Bride and Groom would like to acknowledge their parents, whose love, support, and nurturing are such an essential part of who they are today. They thank you for being their first teachers of the power and possibilities of love. May you take great pride in the fact that the seeds of love you have planted in Bride and Groom will flourish in the formation of this new family today. Let us all remember, today and always, that there is nothing more important than loving one another.”
Post # 6
@leecy87: well it IS ridiculous…but…I was in your shoes. The things my FI (now DH) came up with were stupid in my view. Anyways long story short I gave into one request because I have seen it many times. When all the guests are seated, either have the officiant walk down (if not in church? I dont knwo what your doing) or have them waiting there…. then your mom can walk in either on her own or with a close relative if there is one, FI can escort his parents to their seat and stand by the officiant, then the groomsmen walk in (all to one song), then theres a pause in music and it changes to the processional with the BM, and FG or RB (if any) and you and your dad.
If your having the GM and BM walk in together then just pause after your FI takes his place. For us it worked nice because FI got to see his boys walk in and they all gave him a hug as they walked by.
BELIEVE ME I know how ANNOYING this is….. I cant even express how I feel you! But at least this was one way to give them some “compromise” so in case anything else comes up you can say “well you know Ive already gone out of my way and done this for you, I think this is quite enough”
Oh snap I just read about the stepmum thing… is it HIM that has the dad with stepmum?? cause ya that will be an issue. If the parents arnt close enough to walk together then them walkng seperatly will be WAY TOO MUCH hupla for that small a wedding… I mean your mom, then his mom, then stepmom and dad? thats crazy. Tell him he has 1 option….. all 3 of his parents either agree to walk together or nothing at all. Chances are it wont work lol.
Post # 7
This was a different perspective for me. In our religion and area it is very customary for the parents to walk in right before the bridal party. Coursages and gifts to the parents are also customary. In fact, in some ceremonies there is recognition to the parents that they will be honored as the bride/groom’s new family and the gifts are extended to them at this time.
We have been to plenty of weddings with divorced parents. The dad simply walks in with the step mother and someone special to your family walks the mother down. In my cousins wedding both her dad and step father walked the bride down the aisle so both the mother and step mother had an escort (her brothers). Every situation is different but the step mother may be hurt if she is not asked to participate.
Needless to say, our parents will both be walking down the aisle before the bridal party. To our parents it is a sign of respect that we will absolutely be extending to them. In addition, I feel like they deserve their time in the spotlight so to say. We truely appreciate everything they have done to help us get to where we are and we love having their support in our union.
I know everyone is different so I think it would be best to consider your grooms area/religion before making a decision.