- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
First a bit of background…If you have a queasy stomach or are triggered by talk of sexual violence please skip the first paragraph immediately following this one. I’ve crossed it out to make it slightly easier to skip – if only there were a way to do that invisible writing thing on this forum!
I was sexually assaulted when I was 11, and one of the things the perp did was put a sharp object into my vagina, so I’ve got a few scars down there (on top of all the psychological scars from having something like that happen).
Anyway, fast-forward ten years and I’ve entered into a sexual relationship with one of my best friends (who is now my fiance). My fiance is great in many respects, but he can’t go anywhere near my vagina. During sex, he keeps all physical contact above the waist, if I try and encourage him to go lower, he snatches his hand away like it’s about to be burned, and if I suggest he go down on me, he just pulls a face and looks disgusted.
I’ve asked him about it many times, but he doesn’t like discussing it at all, and usually tells me to stop asking. Once he said it’s because of his OCD and he doesn’t like certain textures – he does have OCD, but I’ve never noticed him avoid textures because of it, and he doesn’t like the idea of even touching me through jeans or something.
Long story short, I feel like crap. I’ve worked really hard to stop seeing my vagina as a disgusting thing (still, they’re not the nicest thing in the world), so to have my fiance act like it’s something he cannot even bear the thought of touching really sets me back in that respect. On top of that, I wasn’t comfortable with penises when we first started having sex, but I worked through it and now I’m comfortable with any aspects of sex, so I feel cheated that he doesn’t seem to think this is a big deal or anything worth talking about, let alone working on.
ETA: Please don’t say I should dump him – I know that sexual problems is a deal breaker for many of you, but I don’t see it that way. In every other aspect of our relationship, my fiance is the perfect gentleman, and the kindest, most supportive man anyone could hope to meet.