Infertility and Divorce

posted 3 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Couples that suffered from infertility
    They divorced : (24 votes)
    20 %
    They stuck it out and eventually got PG (with or without assistance) : (37 votes)
    31 %
    They stuck it out and eventually adopted : (29 votes)
    24 %
    They stuck it out and decided to live child-free : (29 votes)
    24 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @texasbee:  I know one couple who divorced. Then I know another couple who stuck it out, adopted and then accidentally got pregnant. And then I know one other couple who he had a child with his first wife, they divorced, he remarried (pretty young) and she turned out to be infertile. They are 65 years+ and still together without any kids of their own (and his kids lived across the country with his ex-wife). It depends on the couple.

    I have 5 kids and am now infertile on purpose (had my tubes tied). FI has no children of his own. I wouldn’t even want to adopt at this point in my life. So he has to be willing to live without any children of his own if he wants to spend his life with me. I think, in an idyllic world he would like to have children with me, but he has accepted our circumstances.

    Post # 4
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    All the couples I know who struggled are still married. My parents are one of those couples, it took them almost 4 years of trying until I came along, and my dad was diagnosed with cancer when my mum was 6 months pregnant. I’m their only child.

    Post # 5
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I know one couple who eventually conceived and another who adopted and later on divorced. I’m pretty sure that infertility didn’t play any part in their divorce.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @texasbee:  What do you mean that infertility was a major factor in your divorce? Was it the stress or did one or both of you split from the other to try with someone else?

    if it’s the first,  I get that but it’s sad. If it’s the second,  I can’t even. That would be just awful.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    Oh I voted wrong. I voted divorced because I was thinking about my cousin. But then I remembered that two of my aunts have no kids but have been with their husbands for years and years. So I guess out of 3 people I know, 2 stuck it out.

    I think that generation stuck it out through thick & thin way more than my generation, the before me, or the one after me does though.

    ETA: My cousin eventually got pregnant with twins through infertility treatments but lost them after like 5 months. I think the death of her twins had more to do with the divorce than the infertility but they do go hand in hand a bit

    Post # 8
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t know anyone who has but I can absolutely understand it. Depends how strong your drive for biological children is. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    6279 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    my cousins tried for many many years to get pregnant and were not successful.  i don’t know if they tried adoption or what treatments.  but they decided to live a child free life.  they are now in their 50’s, happily married, and travel extensively.

    Post # 10
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I only know one couple, and they were lucky enough to adopt their son from Vietnam!

    But from what I hear about the stress, it doesn’t surprise me that a lot of couples don’t make it through fertility problems/adoption problems!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @MrsPanda99:  I don’t. I would hate to think my husband only married me to be his brood mare.

    Post # 12
    Member
    416 posts
    Helper bee

    @Zhabeego:  Marriage isn’t just about being in lurve. It’s a careful selection of a partner who is best compatible with your life plans. Career, religion, children, finances, all factor in majorly. That’s why they are called “dealbreakers.”

    Post # 13
    Member
    3557 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My parents tried for 10 years to have another child after me…I’m an only child. It definitely put a strain on their marriage, but they accepted that I’m all they are going to have and are still happily married.

    One of my second cousins and his wife were infertile and sucessfully adopted about a year ago now. Their son is adorable.

    I don’t know anyone who divorced because they couldn’t have children.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Couple 1: Struggled with infertility, now have a 1 year old dfaughter, still married

    Couple 2: Struggled with infertility, now pregnant with twins, still married

    Couple 3: Struggled with infeertility, never got pregnant, still married

    Couple 4/Us: Know we are infertile, debating whether to try anyway with lots of medical interventions, will stay married regardless of the decision. I chose Mr. LK for many more reasons beyond satisfying my reproductive urge. And as much as it would suck, I do understand if he just doesn’t want to go through all of the risk, heartache, rounds of medical procedures, etc. that it may take, and accept the fact that even after all of that work and thousands upon thousands of dollars we may still not have a baby. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like fun to me either, especially after seeing how hard that process was for my friends who have gone through it. Do I want it? Yes. Am I willing to sacrafice everything for it, including my marriage? No.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    [comment moderated for snark]

    Post # 16
    Member
    416 posts
    Helper bee

    @Zhabeego:  It’s pretty small minded to conclude that years of stress, financial strain, medical procedures, and heartache due to infertility problems do not factor at all into divorce and it’s just because someone was a “selfish asshole.” 

     

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