Post # 1
I didn’t know where to put this because, although it is regarding infertility, I would love some of the more religious bees to comment, regardless of whether or not they have children. Thank you.
I don’t go to church, nor do I believe in any particular religion. But I DO believe in God, and I am not against learning more about any religion. I just want to have my doubts and questions respected in whatever religious path I decide to follow. That being said, here is one of those doubts:
I have been struggling with infertility for a while now. Darling Husband and I have been TTC for 15 months and we have been seeing a specialist for 9 months. Friends and family try to reassure me that “it will happen” because “God gives babies to those who deserve them.”
My 2 questions are:
1. How can I possibly believe this when there is so much child abuse in this world. Just this week there was that horrible case of the “mother” who killed her 6 year old and left him on the side of the road. Why did that “mother” deserve a baby?
2. What have I done to NOT deserve a baby for the past 15 months? I have so much love to give. Darling Husband and I have a great relationship. I want more than anything to be a mom. If it is because I “haven’t found God” or anything like that, it simply isn’t true. I do believe in God and I have my own relationship with Him.
So how can I keep faith, remain hopeful, and trust in God when I do not understand the answers to my questions?
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thanks!
Post # 3
@heathaah: I’m going to start off by saying that I’m pretty religious. I go to church every Sunday, and I pray to God every night. Sometimes it’s really hard to see that God is doing his will, and it’s even more difficult to watch people who don’t deserve to have children neglect them. I’m a very firm believer that God does everything for a reason.
Though you might be struggling with infertility now, God might have other plans for you. There might be a baby out there somewhere that needs you more than a baby you can have yourself. I know that’s not as comforting, but it’s what I try to tell myself each day. We had only been trying for 8 months, so I can’t begin to tell you that I know how you feel, but I was also starting to get frustrated. Then, when I got pregnant, I was over the moon…until our doctor’s visit this past Monday when they told me that I would likely miscarry in the next 2 weeks. I’ve often sat there and wondered why God was making me deal with this kind of loss and frustration. I know that if this baby isn’t right for us right now, he’ll give me a baby at some point. It might not be naturally or biologically my baby, but he will give me a baby.
I know it’s not easy to just have faith like that, and it’s even more difficult to go through it and have to listen to everyone tell you that God gives babies to good people…but he does. It just might not be in the way that you’re expecting.
Post # 4
I don’t believe the: “God gives babies to people that deserve them” logic – AT ALL.
That fuzzy logic, at it’s best. What do you say to the couple who’s child dies – did they not ‘deserve’ to be parents? That kind of talk makes me so angry and I’m sorry that people are saying that to you! Friends and family mean well, but that doesn’t mean that they are right.
There’s nothing we can do that makes God love us more or love us less. It’s who God is – it’s not about anything WE do.
A good friend of mine is also struggling with infertility (for 24 months now…) – the thing that keeps her going is embracing the fact that God’s timing is perfect. It’s often not our timing, but it’s His and it’s His to control. She also wondered if there was something wrong biologically and not getting pregnant was God’s grace to her in not being sure how she’d handle a child with disabilities.
There are so many unknowns when it comes to why things happen or not happen. I’d encourage you to not lose faith and continue to pray to Him, releasing it into His hands, and asking for peace as you wait.
Post # 5
This is such a great thread.
I am fairly religious, but I am also a scientist, so I am always searching for answers about how and why. Sometimes that clashes with religion. I have to resign to the fact that God is beyond my comprehension.
I’ve had/am having some of the same faith struggles as you. Why would God give me a baby and then have me miscarry? Why is life and nature to seemingly “imperfect” if God made it? The questioning can go on and on.
I don’t believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe God has a plan for every single thing that happens in our lives on Earth. I believe God has a plan for our souls, but that doesn’t mean our paths there will be easy. There is a lot of suffering in the world, without a good explaination. It’s not about deserving or not deserving.
When I pray, I try not to pray for specific things (like a baby) because I don’t think God works that way. I pray for patience, grace, and guidance to get through whatever is going on in my life or the lives of others. I’ll say a prayer for the same things for you.
Post # 6
Thank you, everyone. I guess the bottom line is to have patience and see what I am given. But please let it be soon!! 🙂
Post # 7
Heathahh- I wish I had answers for you. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers that your struggle won’t be in vain.
These are a few online resources that might help-
And this is a blog I’ve been following for many years (but note- the blogger, after a 5 years of infertility and immediately after adopting a baby, found out she was pregnant and she’s now expecting again, so there is pregnancy talk) and she talks a lot about her faith and her infertility: