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Okay Bees. I took an ethics class and a gender communication class back in my senior year of college and we studied some prominent law suits, bills, and literature regarding the issue of embryos created for infertility/implantation and what happens to the extras that are frozen.
Heres are the options you have:
so basically you can either kill your babies, dissect them/research usage or you can let another couple take one of your kids. I struggled with every option and was totally blindsided by this hidden little fact that we have hundreds of thousands of frozen embryos with no where to go. Many states have made strict laws regarding what can happen with them, and some parents have won cases of murder against fertility clinics who disposed of their embryos.
What do YOU think is the right thing to do?
I'd donate them to another couple. No killing, another couple (who likely is infertile) is able to have kids... Easy choice to me. (I believe life begins at conception/fertilization. If I didn't, I'd donate them for research.)
@heathaah - No, I have not personally but I have had three women in my family deal with this issue.
In my mind, embryos are not babies. Options 1 and 4 are a waste, but options 2 and 3 are productive, so I would do 2 or 3.
It's an easy one for me, it would go to another couple.
Implanting them at a time of the cycle where the woman will not get pregnant is the same in my view as destroying them; and donating human life for research is not an option - again, in my view, not better than animal testing against which you hear many activists.
To me, life begins at conception. If, by natural causes, it doesn't stick, that's one thing, but deciding to get rid of them or waste them would not be ok with me.
Hmm. Very hypothetical question for me. But I think I would donate them to research, since I don't have any ethical/religious qualms about that, and I think a lot of good can come out of stem cell research.
On the other hand, donating them to another couple with infertility issues also seems like a potential good choice, but somehow makes me shudder a bit. (Anyone who is currently doing in vitro with donated embryos, please don't take this the wrong way.) For some reason, I would be far more comfortable donating an egg, or having DH donate sperm, than donating a full embryo that contains genetic material from both of us. But that's just me, and honestly, if there's a major need for donated embryos, I probably would get over my issues and donate them anyways.
Absolutely I would donate them. I am infertile and after seeing so many women struggle how could I not? If we have to do IVF and we end up with extras, I would love to be able to help out another couple by giving them a chance to have a baby. I don't see it as another couple taking one of my children. I didn't carry that child, she did. So what if it has my DNA? She carried the child and is now its mother.
Although I have not been in this situation, based on my beliefs, I too would consider donating as opposed to destroying/research but I have the fact that a baby of my genetic material and my husbands is out in the world. I feel almost like its a closed adoption..If that makes sense?
For me, embryos are not babies. I'd prob donate them to research. The idea of another couple having a child that is genetically ours weirds me out.
I would donate them to science or discard them. Unfortunately, donating to science is very restricted in many states. As a scientist, I really think we are shooting ourselves in the foot with those restricted policies.
I don't believe an embryo is a human being. I also don't want anyone else to ever have a child that is biologically mine.
I think they're all the right thing to do. Personally for me though... I'd donate them to another couple.
@Sweetkate- Thank you for opening my eyes to your thoughts and situation. Carrying the baby is an amazing and important aspect-making you a mother. The beauty of giving and sustaining life!
@sweetkate: A question, since I'm horribly uneducated in this area. Do a lot of couples use fully donated embryos? It seems to me that if only one member of the couple has fertility issues -- i.e. the wife can produce an egg, but husband can't produce sperm or vice versa, that all that would be needed is donor eggs or donor sperm. So I'm just wondering how common it is that couples do IVF with embryos that don't have genetic material from either of the birth parents.
I'd do 1 if I wanted more babies or 2. And last resort, 4, but I would never do 3.
Interesting question. I don't think 1 is any different than destroying them because you know they won't take, it just sounds better. I'm not sure I would be okay donating them to science. I don't think I could donate them to another couple because it would still be OUR genetic child and I would always worry that they ended up with a bad life. That leaves option 4. I don't really have a problem with this because to me they're not children yet and do not have the ability to become one until they are implanted in a woman and take.
I would either donate them to science/research or discard them. Having done stem cell research myself (although mine wasn't with human stem cells), I believe in the promise and potential that this research holds. But as crayfish said, there are a lot of restrictions with this option.
I don't think that I would deal well with there being a child out in the world somewhere that is genetically DH's and mine.
I'd do either 2 or 3--either let them be used for research that helps people or to give another childless couple a chance to have a baby. (A chance; an embryo isn't a baby, as so many infertile couples are painfully aware.) I was sad that the clinic where I had my abortion wasn't set up to donate the fetal tissue to research.
I would donate them to research. So much is left to do as far as stem cell research goes.
The reason I wouldn't donate them to another couple is because that child has 100% the DNA of my husband and me. Although the chances are probably slim, I'd be worried that the child ended up with one of my own children. That doesn't bode well for their future children.
That is my reasoning too for nixing that choice too. And it's mostly because of the rights children are given after they are born as far as finding out who their biological parents are. That scares me a lot.
Let me clarify that by saying I don't think adopted children shouldn't have the right, but a child born from a sperm doner. Stuff like that.
I would donate them, either to science or another couple struggling.
@skibobrown: Its actually more common then people think. According to the Resolve website 10% of infertility cases are due to both female and male factors. And it also depends on the couple. I've read some stories where the couple has decided that even though only one person has a problem, they would still like to use embryo donation.
I think that the world is becoming less black and white as time passes. Birth control might be considered the killing of future babies because although the sperm n egg might unite the bc thins out your uterus lining so that the embryo cannot attach... crazy huh?
@Mr.Smithsgirl:I have never thought about it like that. I guess I never thought about the sperm and egg uniting at all. That is a definite twist.
I would do 3, no question. If I could.
I have fertility issues myself, and would maybe need that embryo to become the mother I want to be one day. I'm not going any further, and I shouldn't have read others' responses.
To answer your question honestly, even dealing with infertility...No I would not consider embryo donation or adoption. There is way more to this whole process than one actually thinks and it is in fact a form of adoption and not a closed one. There is one clinic in Ohio that specializes it and I did consider it as a way to conceive until I found out more. You still go through the matching process like an adoption and the donor couple can choose to have an open adoption with their embryo. There are cases even though the couple were strangers in the beginning have visitation to the child later in life due to the open adoption. This is not for me. It's not as black and white as one thinks and if someone is against embryo destruction there is still a chance bc the clinics that handle donations select the best ones. This isn't the case like anonymous sperm donation and there are many more things to consider.
I'm not sure what I would do if I were ever in this situation-- this would take a lot of consideration and thought and discussion with my husband...
However, i don't think that the option of discarding/destroying the embryo is killing your baby. That is a little insensitive or harsh to me. I think making that decision is not the same as deciding to kill a baby.
@ ameliabedelia I hear you I shouldnt have read it either but this whole theory about this being baby killing sounds ludicrous I needed to post something
@hawaiianbamamama btw love ur name lol, yeah its weird isnt it, I happened to ask gyno about that n she explained that the whole lining thang is sort of a backup in case the egg "escapes".
Honestly I would donate them. Research is needed in future advances in science to hopefully help and cure diseases, cancer, and other illnesses. There is not 100% chance of them surviving anyways. Instead of getting rid of them, why not use them for good in the world? I find it similar to being an organ donor. When you die, they will cut you open and take your organs for donation or research instead of letting them just rot away. But that is my opinion only. Not meant to upset anyone, or by anymeans say that someone that chooses the other options is wrong. Thats just how I feel about it.
@HopingToBeaMama: understood! If I could go back and change the wording I would!
For example, I guess I just assume when a women first gets a postive pregnancy test , even though its just a bunch of dividing cells- she still considres it her "baby" and a "loss" if miscarried. Is it not a baby because its not inside the womb yet? It was an inside processes done outside, and then inserted.
None of the above; I wouldn't do IVF because I'm Catholic, so we will adopt if we aren't able to conceive (I'm 40, so that's certainly a possibility). If I had a friend who was doing IVF regardless, I'd suggest preferably not creating more embryos than will be implanted or, if for some reason that's not possible, donating them to another couple.
Also, if in fact embryos are human life, and if in fact there is an afterlife, the woman and man will meet every one of those children someday...
@Eva Peron: I think it is super hard to define, and my guess is that the definition would be different for each woman.
My personal opinion is that you wouldn't be killing your baby if you decided not to implant it. It's just one of those things. I think that if you have a miscarriage, it IS a baby (I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, and the loss I felt was devastating). But if you have 10 embroyos where the sperm fertilized the egg, i don't see it as though you have 10 babies outside your body. 10 POTENTIAL babies, maybe. I don't know what it is, but it just seems different to me. Perhaps it is implantation. Maybe once that fertilized egg implants inside the woman's body, it now becomes a growing baby??? I don't know... very hard to explain and define!!! 
@HopingToBeaMama: It might be because the embryos are usually about 8 little cells, while a miscarriage is an actual little body.
@Mr.Smithsgirl:That's why some religions don't allow birth control.
I would do 2 and 3.
I'd go for option 2 or option 4, with a preference for donating to research over destruction. I wouldn't take them home to bury.
Honestly, I don't see embryos as babies. Option one is a total waste of time, somewhat like unprotected sex but without any of the fun.
I wouldn't be comfortable giving away my embryos. I'd know that I could have children out there who I wouldn't know and I'd hate that.
THIS.
But to be completely honest I can't give an answer because I've never been in this situation. We can all give a hypthetical answer to this hypothetical question. But we can never really know what we will do until we are IN this situation. And frankly because of the vast majority of ladies on here and that I know IRL that HAVE gone through infertility I refuse to guess at what my answer might be.
I definitely would not waste them by having them destroyed or implanted in the cycle that wouldn't result in pregnancy. I think the option that would have the most overall benefit would be research. That has the potential to help many more people than one couple that may or may not carry the pregnancy to full term.
Since you asked....I never really thought about it until a friend recently went through IVF. The multiplying human cells are the creation of a baby embryo. Whether 8, 80 or 8000 cells, they still have the power of a living organism. I experienced great loss and grieving with only a few days of pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage of a LIFE. Personally, if I wore those IVF shoes, I wouldn't even start the process, unless I was prepared to implant and have all of those babies.
A very good friend of mine has just completed her 2nd cycle of IVF and I get the feeling that she won't consider the IVF successful (or herself pregnant) until she makes it out of her first trimester and has seen the baby during an ultrasound.
By that same logic, I don't think that she views the embryos as babies (if that makes sense), but sees them more as just one of the materials of the IVF process.
For me personally, I don't think I could donate them but I do kinda like the idea of burying them in a place special to my family.
@pastemoo I can see that. I would worry about the over population though. I miss the days when the hardest choice was what to be for halloween ;)
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