So here it is…
My husband and I tried for 6 months before we realized something was probably wrong. I had gone off birth control a month or two before trying, and my periods just were not normal at all. Sometimes they were 45 days apart, sometimes 60, and sometimes 24! Just random. I had been attempting to chart, and wasn’t seeing any pattern that made sense to me. Temps all over the place…forget it.
So I was referred by my OBGYN to an RE. I had bloodwork and an HSG. My tubes were fine. Turns out I have PCOS and I was not ovulating regularly, if at all. My periods were not real periods. By the way, I was slightly overweight, carrying my weight in my middle. I was 5’2″, 148.
The HSG wasn’t terrible. Just real pinch-y, but over very quickly. There were many, many tubes of blood taken. And many more to come.
My husband had a sperm analysis and his results were actually shockingly fantastic. The nurses were actually impressed, and my husband’s ego inflated tremendously. Men!
I had to start with Provera to get a period started before I could start my Clomid. Provera is the devil. Major mood swings! I hated it. Then after a period, I began the Clomid and monitoring. And so began the HARDEST YEAR OF MY LIFE…so far. I had also been put on Metformin.
Each month I would have blood drawn and a baseline ultrasound to make sure I could start the Clomid. I would take the pills for 5 days. I would go back in for bloodwork and ultrasound around day 12, and then as often as every 2 days as we watched the folicles grow. My cycles were still super long, so sometimes I would have bloodwork 8 times a month! Insuance paid for part of this, but not all. They paid for anything considered “testing” but not “treatment.” Once I had at least one good follicle, I would get to trigger. This meant my husband would give me a shot in my stomach which would release the follicles. The shots were delivered to my house in a cooler and I would have them in the fridge until trigger night. The trigger shots were scary for me, especially since my husband was giving them to me in our home. Thy really didn’t hurt all that much, but I was still scared each time.
I would then go back a week later for bloodwork to see if I ovulated. Then I would go back the next week for the pregnancy test bloodwork. Month after month it was negative and the cycle would begin again. My RE had an absolutely incredible nurse. She would call me each month and my heart would RACE as I answered. Then I would cry. So many months of symptom spotting. I drove myself nuts. I became a regular at the blood lab. So much of a regular that they know me by name, and I know them. They even visited my hospital room when I gave birth! I still stop in to say hi.
I did have one miscarriage early on. It was very physically and emotionally painful. I knew from the start I was very likely to miscarry as my numbers were too low. It was confirmed within 4 days. The pain was so bad that I ended up in the ER.
So after a few months, we decided to try an IUI. It failed. The procedure was not painful, but pretty awkward. So many jokes about how at least my husband was in the room when the lady knocked me up! Jokes about switched sperm. We had fun with it. But again, heartbreak.
An RE will only give you 6 cycles of Clomid. Over the course of the year, I had 5 in increasing doses. I didnt “skip” any months. I just had long cycles. Plus had to wait a month after my m/c. Long cycles make the wait harder! So knowing I had only 1 more Clomid chance left before having to consider IVF, I decided to take a break. I stopped all treatments. I had joined weightwatchers the previous month. It was nice to have another focus. I lost 12 lbs.
I had called my nurse to request bloodwork just once, just to see what my body was doing during my first cycle off meds. The nurse called me with the results. She said “It looks like you are going to ovulate on your own!” WHAT!! She suggested an OPK but guessed that it would be about 4-5 days. She was right on. We baby danced on time…
And BAM! I was pregnant just 3 weeks after my last treatment cycle. My first month with no pills. I was still on Metformin, but the weight loss is likely what helped the most. Shock all around. And after the hardest year of my life, I had a super easy pregnancy!
I now have the most beautiful daughter. She is amazing. It was all so worth it in the end.
Of course during these 18 months, everyone around me got pregnant. My sister had a honeymoon baby (first try), and my brother’s girlfriend had an “oops” baby. Through the whole process, the worst thing someone could say to me was “It WILL happen for you!” That was so hard because the fact is it WONT happen for everyone going through this, and we all know it. I am so lucky. So so lucky.