(Closed) InLaw Custom Clash? Or Stubborn Pride?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10563 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think it’s weird your FFIL spoke to you about this.  You handled that similar to how I would have, it was your FI’s decision, not yours.

I would push FI a little more to talk to his parents.  It’s between him and them, not you.

As for you gift, if he ends up getting ready at his parents he could get it

  • wherever he wakes up (if not his parents)
  • in the limo after the ceremony
  • when it’s just the 2 of you after the wedding is over

DH didn’t do any pro pics/video before getting married.  As it was I had to request that a few non-pro pics be taken (just at the church, not really them getting dressed).  He just drove them to the ceremony, we picked up his vehicle the next day.

Post # 4
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oki… I must admit that I started to giggle when I read the part tradition the groom leaves his parents house in the limo… First time I’ve seen the words LIMO and TRADITION in the same sentence! Sorry, side note – as for your problem, any chance you can get away with the videographer filming your FI leaving your parents house in an angel so that you don’t actually see their house? I presume the family in Lebanon won’t really recognise the street, so if you can have them film it in that direction (i.e. follow your FI out from the house) your FI’s parents could perhaps get away with it being their house…

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would tell your FI that you need him to handle this and make a decision, and if your FFIL brings it up again I would tell him that he needs to talk to FI about it because it’s not up to you.

But definitely discuss with your FI first if the extra expense of adding more limo or videographer time is okay with you (if you two would be paying for it). Then let him handle the decision and FFIL.

Post # 7
Member
10563 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

If your FI does get ready at his parents’ place, there are things that could be done to make it easier.  You could get a separate videographer and limo, just pre-ceremony.  Hopefully FFIL would pay for that, since he’s the one it appears to be important to!  That would be for your FI and FILs to workout.

Post # 9
Member
10563 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Elky:  I would talk to the videographer.  They should have a backup anyway in case they are really sick or something.  They should have someone they are willing to work with to combine it into one video, and maybe they don’t care who you use to supplement it, as long as they format is specified.

If not, is itimportant to you or your FI that it’s all in one video?

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Id stop discussing it with your FFIL. If you bother to give him reasons and explanations, clearly he’s just going to take that as permission to argue with you. So say something short and to the point that he can’t argue with like, “You’ll have to take that up with your son, we’ll be getting ready separately so it’s up to him.” If he continues about his family and traditions, repeat the above statement. Then let FI deal with it. It sounds like that was your initial approach, but then when your FFIL brought it up again, you made the mistake of explaining to him the logistics of your decision and why what he wants won’t work. Don’t bother telling him about drive times or the videographer or the limo time – it just gives him more ammunition to debate those points with you. I know you’re trying to be nice by helping him understand why your way is easier…but don’t. He’s being stubborn about it, so explanations just make things more difficult for you.

And I’d be annoyed that your FI didn’t step in when you asked, I’d also make it clear that this is his family and he needs to be the one dealing with it, it’s awful of him to put you in that position. He has no right to be unhappy with you refusing to fight his battles for him – he’s an adult and these are his parents, and unless he wants to setup an awful family dynamic where his parents don’t like you because you’re always the one who has to argue with them because they’re not getting their way, he needs to cut it out and deal with this situation on his own NOW. Somehow I doubt you’d leave him alone to discuss it with your parents if they were unhappy about some aspect of the wedding.

 

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