Inlaws and babies

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 4
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t have personal experience but just thinking about it, I unfortunately think that if you are going to TTC and conceivably actually have the child whilst living with your mother-in-law that she kind of becomes part of this decision too. She agreed to house you and your husband, not you, your husband and child so now the agreement has to be renegotiated. 

I really think she has to also give the ok to living with an infant if you are to go ahead with it. 

Personally I would wait until I had my own place to live and a place the child could feel ownership of too, rather than everything being “grandmother’s”. 

Post # 7
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@AlmostMrsShield:  I guess if you are all happy with it then I would go for it! But I would continue to plan to move out, just in case it all gets to be too much for her and you need to find another place quickly. 

Post # 10
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My parents had their first child in their own home and their second while living with a grand parent (parents and grandparent bought a house together as grandparent needed looking after).

I think they, having had a child on their own and while sharing with another generation of the family, would say wait until you are by yourselves.

It was easier while they were on their own than when they had grand parent there as well. Also bonding as a family, its nice to have the special bond between the ‘new’ family as parents you want to be the cosest to your child. Parents and child is easier without a grand parent permanantly there.

But it is up to you and your situation. Things may work better for you than they did for my parents. (though I should say it coudnt have been that bad. We all lived together until my grand parent needed full time nursing care and went into a home after 8 years)

Post # 11
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i think if you are not financially ready to move out, you are not ready to have a kid. what if his mom doesn’t want a kid in the house and kicks you out? are you two prepared to be on your own? if the answer is no, then you have no business TTC.

 

but… that’s just my opinion.

Post # 13
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@AlmostMrsShield:  It sounds like you have made your mind up and just want some reassurance. Personally I would never do it. I think it stores up a big pile of trouble.

But if you think you can, and have a back up plan if it goes wrong. Then go for it.

Post # 15
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Personally I do think you are crazy for even wanting it. When we have kids it will just be me, husband and child. I dont want to share that precious time with anyone else. Not a realtive, not a house mate. Not an almsot absent reative. There is a good chance that once a grand child comes along your MIL may want to spend a good deal more time at home with you and her grand child – even if it dosent seem like it now. And she may have some suggestions about how you do things, in the nices possible way. I would not risk a good relationship if I could help it.

I just dont understand why you would want to do this if you had an alternative. But that is me, and based on my parents experience. As I say, everyone is different. Hopefully a Bee with a positive sharing experience will come along and give you all the reasurance you need to go ahead with your decision.

Good luck anyway.

Post # 16
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

personally, i would rather be living in my own home with my husband when i have a child than living with my MIL.

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