- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
When it came to my wedding I didn’t really stress about the usual stuff like the planning, or financials (it’s up to my FI and I to foot the entire bill and it’s scary but it was what it is), or my family (okay my mom and sister did cause me some stress), or his family, or even my him. What I stressed about the most was the number on my dress and the number on the scale.
I convinced myself that I was fat and people were going to talk about it my entire wedding day. I started a crazy diet. Most days I was barely eating 1000 calories. Some days I was under 800. I worked out over 90 minutes a day. I would weigh myself every day – sometimes twice a day (so I knew if I’d have a good weigh in the next morning). I was frustrated, emotional, crazy.
Somewhere deep down inside (probably in my stomach) I knew I wasn’t being healthy. I mean I wear a size dress 4 pants and a size 6 dress (from a department store). I’m skinnier than I have ever been. Yet that stupid wedding dress size and the number on the scale taunted me.
Yesterday that all changed. I got the guts to stick up to my mom and vent my frustrations with my sister and how she’s been acting during this wedding process. I also (calmly) called my mom out on her actions from the weekend before.
I didn’t receive an apology. Instead she tried to guilt and manipulate me. She called me a horrible daughter and said I have hurt her every day since I was 16. I knew none of this was true and that it was her defense mechanism. After we hung up I just let it all go! I felt like a two ton weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up this morning and realized it was time to start treating myself better. I could still work out a ton – but I needed to get back to eating healthy. I need to be more positive and accept my body for what it is. I’ll never a size 2 super model. I have curves. I have a pretty dang flat stomach and my thighs are getting toned.
Thanks bees for all of your support and kind words about my dress regret. I know I won’t always feel like I’m 100% wonderful and hot…but I’m getting a lot closer to thinking it most days. 🙂