- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I’ve been MIA lately and I apologize for unloading here, but I need to get some advice. FI and I got into a fight last Sunday. I drove out to spend the day with his family (it was his mom’s birthday), and we drove home together afterwards. He complimented me a lot at his mom’s house, saying how beautiful I was, and for lack of better words… wanted to take me home. I was excited about this because our sex lives are on different schedules. Well, we get home, and the first thing he does is check his email. And then he tells me to put away the groceries he bought. I sat down on the couch, silent… shocked and trying to manage the emotions coming up. I’ll spare the details of a fight that ended up with me seriously considering leaving.
The truth is, after we got engaged he put me on the back burner. It was as if since I said “yes”, he didn’t feel like he needed to do any work. In fact, he pulled away. He worked more (at home). He needed downtime from working which involved dinner, maybe a video game, or a show. And then he’d go to bed and we’d repeat. On the weekend he visits his family and I stay home and carry on with my life. It’s been two months since this began and I reached my breaking point.
I broke down. He apologized. He realized the error if his ways and realized he was simply repeating what his father did to his mother. He knows that was wrong and didn’t realize he had fallen into that pattern of behavior. After he said that, I literally was doubled over by deep sobs… because I realized how close I was to leaving him.
He has turned everything around. He is attentive, repentive, and just about every positive “ive”.
But now I feel…scared. Insecure. He admitted during our discussion that he felt “bothered” by me sometimes, and that he needed alone time. I told him I understood… but I don’t understand. In my eyes, we DON’T spend time together. It isn’t quality time with a television, dinner, and little to no conversation. He gets that now and things have changed.
However, I still feel uneasy. I have always encouraged him to be honest with me, and I am honest with him. I would have felt much better if, at the time, he told me he wanted some space. Now I wonder WHY he didn’t share that with me. And what else could he be hiding?
I’m not sure what to do at this point. He agreed to premarital counseling, but I don’t know if it’s something we necessarily need, per se… but… maybe it would be smart?