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Yes, most of my friends are guys. I will say FI has met them all at one point or another.
Why would it NOT be ok to text/talk with your friend on the phone if he is a guy? I really don't understand why people don't think it's ok to have normal relationships with people of the opposite sex. As long as you aren't being physically or emotionally unfaithful, i don't think there should be an issue.
Most of my male friends live a far and we communicate through facebook. My fiance is secure enough that it doesn't bother him if I text/call/communicate with my male friends. But really, I text a guy maybe once or twice a year. Mostly I text my fiance, best friend, and my sister.
We both have friends of the opposite sex from college (or before) that we send occasional texts to. We tend to tell each other though, and I've become friends with the girls he talks to-- he has no desire to know the (few) guys I do. It's important to me that it's clear that we come as a package... you don't get him without me and vice versa. It's not a (lack of) trust thing, it's just how we operate. There was one instance when a guy I knew (and had kind of dated a long time ago) texted me out of the blue, and we had a "conversation" throughout the day. I immediately told FI, just out of respect, but he didn't really care-- as is par for course with him. And this goes for phone, email... all communication. It's more like "this is what I did today" rather than "I know I need to tell you everyone I talk to," if that makes sense.
It also helps that we have a shared sense of what's okay and what isn't. The general rule... don't say, type, sign, whatever something he wouldn't say to that person in front me.
@crayfish: I totally agree and think it's crazy-controlling to demand that your partner NOT talk to his/her friends of the opposite sex.
One of my best friends is a guy. I'm not a phone person so I don't call/text ANYONE often, just when I need something. We post on each other's FBs quite a bit, but I do that with all my good friends, male or female. Most of my friends are guys, and DH is good friends with the ones I'm close to. I would not have married him if he'd had a problem with my friends. Been there, done that, and it was hellish.
Most of my friends are guys, so I talk to them through text, IM or phone calls almost every day. I don't see anything wrong with it, neither does FI. I'm not shady about it and I'm certainley not being unfaithful.
Nope, I guess I'm out of the ordinary. Neither my FI or I have friends of the opposite sex. We have mutual friends, or couples that we hang out with. But I don't think I would ever go out of my way to text/communicate with someone of the opposite sex.
I don't think there is any issue with texting/calling/emailing friends of the opposite sex. And I don't think any amount of time/frequency is too much so long as you are faithful to your partner.
This whole concept of not being able to be friends with /go to dinner with / talk to / call the opposite sex if you're in a relationship always confuses me.
Yes I think it's perfectly fine and frankly get offended when people tell me it's wrong. My best friends are all guys and my FI has met all of them and become good friends with them too. Conversely my FI has good friends that are girls and I have no problem with him texting/talking to them. He hangs out with them sometimes when I'm not around (usually at work) and that really doesn't bother me either. Neither of us have given the other a reason not to be trusting and I am of the opinion that if he wanted to sleep with them he probably would have done so years ago and not just randomly start wanting them as soon as he is with me. Sorry if this is a bit of a tirade but many people have told me how disrespectful it is to have friends of the opposite sex and that just seems silly to me.
texting my best friend while I'm on the bus going somewhere because I'm bored and haven't heard from him in a month? no problem.
texting that guy I met at a bar last weekend on girls night out? not okay.
"the opposite sex" is really broad terminology!
I think that once you're married or at that level or commitment, one should not have a relationship with someone of the oppositte sex that their significant other has no relationship with. Does that make sense?
If you have a guy friend that your husband doesn't even know or have an equal relationship with (like if he's not your mutual friend), then I think there's more room for the danger of emotional or actual unfaitfulness. My husband has a good friend at work who really "gets" him - they're the same personality type so they get along really well... he has told me before that he wishes she was a guy so they could just be friends without it ever being an issue in anyones mind (ha) - and it really bugged me for awhile. But since then, I've had a bunch of chances to hang out with her and get to know her too and I feel much better about the whole thing. She's our friend, so I don't feel threatened when they talk.
@MsBrewer: me either, but I never thought I was out of the ordinary. I really dont know anyone in serious relationships or married that has close friendships with people of the opposite sex except for mutual friends.
Also, I didn't vote in the poll because i don't think frequency is really the issue - to me what matters is who the person is to the couple and such.
My best friend is a guy so yeah.. I text/talk to him a lot and he knows all the nity grity of my life. The majority of my friends have always been guys. My husband can also text whoever he wants/be friends with whoever he wants. I trust him completely and know he would never do anything to jepordize our relelationship.
I have never understood why some people think that guys and girls can't legitamatley be friends. If someone is bi should they not be aloud to talk to or text anyone? It just doesn't make sense to me unless there's some history that shows the person is untrustworthy.
No, since neither DH or I have texting plans and thus do not text anymore.
However, we don't have an oodle of friends and those that we do have are of the same gender ("friends" meaning people we met in class and occasionally see outside of it). Otherwise we hang out with family.
So if DH randomly acquired a female friend and began texting her, just to see what's up, I'd be a little weirded. Call me old fashioned, but I'm not comfortable with my guy spending one on one time with someone of the opposite sex...whether they be texting, talking, or going for drinks. Especially if it isn't a girl he's known his whole life and is some long-standing family friend sorta thing.
I prefer groups and public hang outs/communication (like meeting up somewhere, or FB communication) for myself AND DH. That's what works for us, might not work for other's, and that's alright too as long as no one is being hurt or duped.
@MsBrewer: Same here. Never.
In fact, when we started getting serious when we were dating, we both deleted all our contacts on our phones that were of the opposite sex. That's just us! Now we hang out with couples.
@melodicsighs1: I don't think I could have said it better myself. I might offend people here, but I truly beleive that the best...friend relationships are trully most compatible between members of the same sex. You can share more with that person, and they can understand where you are coming from. Plus there would never be any sort of bad thoughts going on in anyone's head.
@Just_Squeeze: Yep!!! Us too. I felt no need for contact of other guys besides now my FI. I knew that most of my guy "friends" that I had at the time were probably looking to date. I obviously was not interested in them anymore so I closed contact! Same with FI
@Just_Squeeze: Not to be difficult, but FI and I also try to hang out with couples (I have a ton of guy friends that I do talk to constantly, but for the sake of this question it's not quite relevant). The couple that I would consider to be our best friends are getting a divorce. I met D, the husband, at my office and through him met L, his wife. When I met FI we all became fast friends. Now they are divorcing. Would you no longer speak to D and your DH no longer speak to L in this situation even though everyone is friendly (it's an amicable split)? I don't feel like it's as black and white as your DH deleting the wife's number and you deleting the husband's number.
I also want to add that it's only "controlling" if one person requests it and the other person dosen't agree but the first person forces the issue. If it's mutual, great!
@MsBrewer: Exactly. Any guy "friends" I texted were most likely past lovers or men who were interested in me. Even my ex fiance respectfully bowed out of my life when he heard I was finally happily involved. And we stayed "friends" for 6 years after the engagement ended.
@Aure: No worries. good example!
I think in this case, I would still not text D nor would I want DHto text L. However, if L wants to meet for coffee, DH and I would meet her together.
FH has college friends that are girls, only one is he really still in contact with (she sent us a generous gifts for the wedding) and they don't really talk all that often. He only really talks on the phone at home so I know when he does- but to be honest I don't really care.
I only really text/call three guys: my dad, my brother, and my good guy friend that my parents call son number two. We've known each other from high school organizations and he was the one who encouraged me to look at Baylor, where I met FH. FH has only met him a couple times but is on the whole pretty okay. We don't talk as much anymore but next year FH and I are hopefully moving close to S#2 and his girlfriend since I'm applying to the same school S#2 is at, and we'll be doing work/classes at the same museum.
My first response was "what?! how would it not be OK?" I tend to fb wall comment more than anything else to keep in touch with people, and I'd say it tends to be 50/50 between female friends and male friends. Same with texting, phone calls, hanging out, etc.
@Elarissa: "I have never understood why some people think that guys and girls can't legitamatley be friends. If someone is bi should they not be aloud to talk to or text anyone?"
Yes! This is what is so WTF about this to me. I get that some people tend to gravitate more towards same sex friendships or tend to hang out almost entirely with other couples. All that is cool. But to feel threatened by it? I am bisexual and so it's so weird for me to think that the potential for attraction would rule out friendship with that person.
i voted occassionally, but usually it's to make plans, not just to talk. like, i have one good guy friend, a former coworker, who i text when i'm back in dc so that i can arrange to hang out with him, his wife, who is also my good friend, and their baby. otherwise, i have a couple guy friends from my grad school program who might text to make plans to hang out as well, which is usually larger group gatherings of lots of people, including their so's and hubby, or is related to school. my other close guy friends are also friends with hubby, and they usually coordinate plans with him. and, i text my brother occassionally--does that count as "opposite sex?" :P
one of hubby's really good friends from college is a woman, and they text/im a lot, usually about sports. he also talks to her husband a lot. she's really his only female friend that isn't one of my friends or the girlfriend of one of his friends, but it doesn't bother me at all. before i met her maybe it bothered me a little, but then i met her and saw that it's all very, very platonic.
@Entangled: Thanks for chiming in on that topic! That's part of the major WTF factor for me too. Imo, it's asinine--and paranoid--to assume every person of the opposite sex (or your partner's preferred sex, whichever applies) is a potential threat.
@Mrs Grape: To each their own :)
There's a bee here that is going through this very thing right now and she feels hurt and betrayed. Sometimes, it's not assinine, it's reality that some people can't respect that another person is engaged/married.
Hm...I will text FI's best friend maybe once a month, for wedding stuff. He's the Best Man, so sometimes I'll text him in behalf of FI. But that's mainly the only guy that I text.
Honestly, I don't have any men that I would text that I haven't been romantically involved with, (even if we are friends now), and I don't feel comfortable texting them. I wouldn't want FI texting girls that he's been romantically involved with.
FI does, however text a girl that he used to work with (he's a police officer), and they are super platonic. FI and I have been on double dates with her and her FI. She and I really get along, and she's a cool girl. I have no problem with him texting her!
I don't have any communications (in person, online, or by text) with other men that I wouldn't have if my DH were in the same room or reading over my shoulder. IMO texting opposite sex friends is only an issue if you feel compelled to delete said texts because you'd have 'splainin to do if your SO saw them.
@Just_Squeeze: "To each their own" is right! :) I just find it odd to write all opposite-sex friends off instead of going on a case-by-case basis.
Im best friends with the only girl FI texts and everyone else who I dont personally know, I know because FI tells me (work colleages, school group, whatevs)
As for me I have one guy friend I text and he's gay. So this isnt really a problem for us I guess.
I text my friends quite a bit, due to different schedules etc. Many of my friends are men - some of them have met my partner, some have not (same goes for my female friends). I would never consider breaking off or reducing my friendships with them simply because I am partnered.
Hubs and I have almost all mutual friends, and I text a few times a month with a handful of them. There never was attraction between us, even the guys that I knew before I started dating hubs, so there isn't an issue. The same goes for hubs. I guess because we mainly hang out with all mutual friends, this isn't a problem for us
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I'm curious if you think it's wrong to talk to the opposite sex through text (or on the phone)?
There is one guy I occasionally (like once a month) text and ask how they are. I previously worked with him and he moved out of the city so he texts me to see how I am but that's generally it. He was like my brother and FI knows him. Nothing is going on, FI trusts me and I would never do something like that.
Also, I'm sure if FI occasionally texted a girl I wouldn't have any problems either. I don't find an issue as long as it's pretty general.
I just get along better with guys so therefore texting them I don't find an issue with, even if I text them about more personal things I consider them my brothers, not someone I'm interested in. Nothing inappropriate is ever said.