Post # 1
I’m curious if you think it’s wrong to talk to the opposite sex through text (or on the phone)?
There is one guy I occasionally (like once a month) text and ask how they are. I previously worked with him and he moved out of the city so he texts me to see how I am but that’s generally it. He was like my brother and FI knows him. Nothing is going on, FI trusts me and I would never do something like that.
Also, I’m sure if FI occasionally texted a girl I wouldn’t have any problems either. I don’t find an issue as long as it’s pretty general.
I just get along better with guys so therefore texting them I don’t find an issue with, even if I text them about more personal things I consider them my brothers, not someone I’m interested in. Nothing inappropriate is ever said.
Post # 3
Yes, most of my friends are guys. I will say FI has met them all at one point or another.
Post # 4
Why would it NOT be ok to text/talk with your friend on the phone if he is a guy? I really don’t understand why people don’t think it’s ok to have normal relationships with people of the opposite sex. As long as you aren’t being physically or emotionally unfaithful, i don’t think there should be an issue.
Post # 5
Most of my male friends live a far and we communicate through facebook. My fiance is secure enough that it doesn’t bother him if I text/call/communicate with my male friends. But really, I text a guy maybe once or twice a year. Mostly I text my fiance, best friend, and my sister.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
We both have friends of the opposite sex from college (or before) that we send occasional texts to. We tend to tell each other though, and I’ve become friends with the girls he talks to– he has no desire to know the (few) guys I do. It’s important to me that it’s clear that we come as a package… you don’t get him without me and vice versa. It’s not a (lack of) trust thing, it’s just how we operate. There was one instance when a guy I knew (and had kind of dated a long time ago) texted me out of the blue, and we had a “conversation” throughout the day. I immediately told FI, just out of respect, but he didn’t really care– as is par for course with him. And this goes for phone, email… all communication. It’s more like “this is what I did today” rather than “I know I need to tell you everyone I talk to,” if that makes sense.
It also helps that we have a shared sense of what’s okay and what isn’t. The general rule… don’t say, type, sign, whatever something he wouldn’t say to that person in front me.
Post # 7
@crayfish: I totally agree and think it’s crazy-controlling to demand that your partner NOT talk to his/her friends of the opposite sex.
One of my best friends is a guy. I’m not a phone person so I don’t call/text ANYONE often, just when I need something. We post on each other’s FBs quite a bit, but I do that with all my good friends, male or female. Most of my friends are guys, and DH is good friends with the ones I’m close to. I would not have married him if he’d had a problem with my friends. Been there, done that, and it was hellish.
Post # 8
Most of my friends are guys, so I talk to them through text, IM or phone calls almost every day. I don’t see anything wrong with it, neither does FI. I’m not shady about it and I’m certainley not being unfaithful.
Post # 9
Nope, I guess I’m out of the ordinary. Neither my FI or I have friends of the opposite sex. We have mutual friends, or couples that we hang out with. But I don’t think I would ever go out of my way to text/communicate with someone of the opposite sex.
Post # 10
I don’t think there is any issue with texting/calling/emailing friends of the opposite sex. And I don’t think any amount of time/frequency is too much so long as you are faithful to your partner.
This whole concept of not being able to be friends with /go to dinner with / talk to / call the opposite sex if you’re in a relationship always confuses me.
Post # 11
Yes I think it’s perfectly fine and frankly get offended when people tell me it’s wrong. My best friends are all guys and my FI has met all of them and become good friends with them too. Conversely my FI has good friends that are girls and I have no problem with him texting/talking to them. He hangs out with them sometimes when I’m not around (usually at work) and that really doesn’t bother me either. Neither of us have given the other a reason not to be trusting and I am of the opinion that if he wanted to sleep with them he probably would have done so years ago and not just randomly start wanting them as soon as he is with me. Sorry if this is a bit of a tirade but many people have told me how disrespectful it is to have friends of the opposite sex and that just seems silly to me.
Post # 12
texting my best friend while I’m on the bus going somewhere because I’m bored and haven’t heard from him in a month? no problem.
texting that guy I met at a bar last weekend on girls night out? not okay.
“the opposite sex” is really broad terminology!
Post # 12
I think that once you’re married or at that level or commitment, one should not have a relationship with someone of the oppositte sex that their significant other has no relationship with. Does that make sense?
If you have a guy friend that your husband doesn’t even know or have an equal relationship with (like if he’s not your mutual friend), then I think there’s more room for the danger of emotional or actual unfaitfulness. My husband has a good friend at work who really “gets” him – they’re the same personality type so they get along really well… he has told me before that he wishes she was a guy so they could just be friends without it ever being an issue in anyones mind (ha) – and it really bugged me for awhile. But since then, I’ve had a bunch of chances to hang out with her and get to know her too and I feel much better about the whole thing. She’s our friend, so I don’t feel threatened when they talk.
Post # 13
@MsBrewer: me either, but I never thought I was out of the ordinary. I really dont know anyone in serious relationships or married that has close friendships with people of the opposite sex except for mutual friends.
Post # 14
Also, I didn’t vote in the poll because i don’t think frequency is really the issue – to me what matters is who the person is to the couple and such.
Post # 15
My best friend is a guy so yeah.. I text/talk to him a lot and he knows all the nity grity of my life. The majority of my friends have always been guys. My husband can also text whoever he wants/be friends with whoever he wants. I trust him completely and know he would never do anything to jepordize our relelationship.
I have never understood why some people think that guys and girls can’t legitamatley be friends. If someone is bi should they not be aloud to talk to or text anyone? It just doesn’t make sense to me unless there’s some history that shows the person is untrustworthy.