Post # 1
Okay for those of you who read my post “does this happen to anyone else” and are following my cousin drama…
I just got a message from her saying that the “task” i presentd to her wasn’t an appropriate way of getting a family member involved.
First: she had SAID she wanted to dress up as a character when she found out I was having an Alice in Wonderland wedding
Second: the task is ONLY for the cocktail hour, IM providing the costume
Third: she referred to it as being a waitress?!
**The task was to be a strolling table dressed as queen of hearts**
I explained to her I thought it would be the best/most fun way to involve her and I wanted her to be a part of it and it was the most fitting way I could think of since she was so keen on dressing as a character.
Am I wrong here?
We aren’t close enough for her to be a bridesmaid. We have our godmothers doing readings. She’s too old to be a JBM and I have decorator and am very DIY… so I really don’t know what the hell she wants.
Post # 3
Honestly, I think it is inappropriate and would probably be a bit insulted if you asked me to do that. By asking her to do this, you’re pretty much asking her to be unpaid labor and entertainment. You are asking her to be a waitress – which isn’t a very good way to include someone. And something else about it rubs me the wrong way. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I would feel very ridiculous if a family memeber asked me to dress up in a costume and serve guests food. I’m pretty sure that she was excited to dress up for the theme because she thought most people, if not everyone, would be dressing up.
Post # 4
I don’t understand what the costume means. You want her to dress up as an ugly queen and serve people things? That doesn’t sound like an honor…
Post # 5
Yeah. I’d be insulted. Not everyone can be involved in your wedding, so I would just say that you do not have a role for her, but you’d still like her to be there to celebrate and enjoy.
Post # 6
I’m sort of confused here as well. Can you elaborate on the situation?
Post # 7
i have no comment but to say i’m also haveing an alice in wonderland wedding but without costumes.
Post # 8
she had asked to dress up as the queen of hearts.
We decided to have a strolling table (where the skirt is the table) at our cocktail hour
she wanted to be involved and has the personality for it
I get what you’re saying about the waitress thing, kind of, but she is making it seem like a really really big insult, when I just saw it as trying really friggin hard to find a way to involve her in the first place…
I’m also just really pissed that she told people about it before even telling me she didn’t want to when I had specifically said it was a surprise.
Post # 9
AND now shes saying she might not even come.
Post # 10
Yeah, asking someone to work the wedding is not an honor. Maybe she just meant she wanted to come as a guest in a costume?
Post # 11
@LGenz: No… she definately asked what she gets to DO. which is why I’m so frustrated.
I was really hesitant at first and had talked to her mom about it and her mom thought it was a brilliant idea, which is why I even asked.
arg… doesn’t help we were already having issues
Post # 12
I would let her wear the costume and leave it at that. It is insulting to have her work as a waitress at the wedding. Tell her she can be involved by showing up as a happy guest and being there for you on your day.
Post # 13
@mayflowerbride13: Well I think saying she’s not going to come is over-dramatic.
But I think you need to realize that there is a big difference between wanting to dress up and have a role in the wedding and wanting to dress up with a table for a skirt (which limits your mobility and ability to talk to people) and serve other wedding guests. I know you just want to include her and I do believe you had good intentions, but it just didn’t come out that way. Think about how you would feel if someone invited you to a wedding then asked you to serve food to your other guests.
I would just apologize to your cousin and say you didn’t mean to insult her you just wanted to include her. If she’s asking to be involved, ask her what she wants to do. Maybe she can hand out programs or be an usher.
Post # 14
Yeah, it seems ridiculous to have her as the court jester and servant.
Which is how this comes across.
But I don’t think she handled this well at all either.
Post # 15
I HAVE apologized
and when I did she came out with the “its not even an issue I might not be coming”
like SERIOUSLY? I explained to her that I’d mentioned to her mom first and just really wanted to find a cute way for her to be involved and thought it would be oka ybecause she ASKED for a role and ASKED to dressup… and her response was harsh… like REALLY harsh
I really didn’t mean it to go this way, I HONESTLY (maybe naively) thought that she’d be happy I even considered her/remembered her request at all 🙁 and now its all like ****DRAMA****
I won’t be grovelling for her forgiveness, I explained and have apologized for hurt feelings and misunderstanding already… but for crying out loud.
Post # 16
Sorry but I’m on your cousins side. Totally inappropriate. That is a job I would hire a stranger to do if I wanted to do something like that.