(Closed) insulted or honored?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I think it is inappropriate and would probably be a bit insulted if you asked me to do that.  By asking her to do this, you’re pretty much asking her to be unpaid labor and entertainment.  You are asking her to be a waitress – which isn’t a very good way to include someone.  And something else about it rubs me the wrong way.  I can’t quite put my finger on it but I would feel very ridiculous if a family memeber asked me to dress up in a costume and serve guests food.  I’m pretty sure that she was excited to dress up for the theme because she thought most people, if not everyone, would be dressing up. 

 

Post # 4
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t understand what the costume means.  You want her to dress up as an ugly queen and serve people things?  That doesn’t sound like an honor…  

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah. I’d be insulted. Not everyone can be involved in your wedding, so I would just say that you do not have a role for her, but you’d still like her to be there to celebrate and enjoy. 

Post # 6
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sort of confused here as well.  Can you elaborate on the situation?

Post # 7
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i have no comment but to say i’m also haveing an alice in wonderland wedding but without costumes.

 

Post # 10
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, asking someone to work the wedding is not an honor. Maybe she just meant she wanted to come as a guest in a costume?

Post # 12
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would let her wear the costume and leave it at that. It is insulting to have her work as a waitress at the wedding. Tell her she can be involved by showing up as a happy guest and being there for you on your day.

Post # 13
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  Well I think saying she’s not going to come is over-dramatic.

But I think you need to realize that there is a big difference between wanting to dress up and have a role in the wedding and wanting to dress up with a table for a skirt (which limits your mobility and ability to talk to people) and serve other wedding guests.  I know you just want to include her and I do believe you had good intentions, but it just didn’t come out that way.  Think about how you would feel if someone invited you to a wedding then asked you to serve food to your other guests.

I would just apologize to your cousin and say you didn’t mean to insult her you just wanted to include her.  If she’s asking to be involved, ask her what she wants to do.  Maybe she can hand out programs or be an usher.

Post # 14
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, it seems ridiculous to have her as the court jester and servant.

Which is how this comes across.

But I don’t think she handled this well at all either.

Post # 16
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry but I’m on your cousins side. Totally inappropriate.  That is a job I would hire a stranger to do if I wanted to do something like that.

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