- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I want to first say a few disclaimers before I start:
- this post is not about the gifts but the actions of being intentionally left out
- I do not need MIL to acknowledge my birthday for it to be a happy birthday
I have not started a thread specifically about my MIL for awhile, I’ve been keeping quiet.
Some of you know my background, some don’t so I will try to recap. MIL does not like me- it’s not me, it’s the role of “daughter in law” she does not like. I could be Hillary Swank and she would have a problem. So I know it’s not me, it’s about DH being an adult and not having to go to her for every problem anymore like he used to when he was under 18. She has a problem with every single woman in her family from girlfriend to wife. So I know it’s not me. In counseling DH that he expects her to treat me like one of her kids. Before we got engaged, I would get cards, gifts and phone calls for birthdays/holidays.
A few months ago, MIL told DH that he was not a priority and made him choose between us. He obviously chose me. I’ve stayed out of their relationship since the wedding even though I was disappointed he would still try after everything she put us through and how she was not only to me but us but we still were a couple and remained a team. He called her weekly, sent cards for occasions, etc. Last year DH told me not to expect any gifts for birthday or Christmas after she reemed him out and had a major bitchfest about me when he called to hash out his issues. Her birthday came, we sent a gift and a card. My birthday came and I got a plain card in the mail. DH’s birthday came, he got a sappy card. Nothing for Christmas and nothing for our wedding but drama. She wouldn’t even let me give her a hug so I just let it roll off my back and didn’t worry about it. Then the choosing happened, then she pretty much disowned him and took him out of her will (no big deal. He was the executor though and was in charge of dealing with everything after she passes. I guess she was hoping this would scare him into divorcing me *roll eyes*).
Her birthday came, I signed the card “because it’s the right thing to do” and it was also very plain, just said Happy Birthday and that was it, no love about it. I’m pretty sure DH addressed the card to Mom on the envelope instead of her name. My birthday came and I got an e-card. DH’s came and he got a box with “Happy Birthday” all over it, addressed to him only. In it was a souvenir from a trip across the ocean that she has yet to tell DH about. So there was the gift/souvenir for him (he refers to it as ours but her letter clearly stated that this was his) and there were birthday cards from his family. I didn’t read the one she sent him, I just saw that she signed it “Love always, Your mom”. She doesn’t normally sign “Your mom” much less underline something unless she’s trying to emphasize something. Maybe I should buy a “Your momma” joke t-shirt to wear on our next visit.
Then in the mail the next day, she sent us a picture of her on her trip from the country where she was. It was addressed to “John Doe & Jane”. What am I? A side dish? We have the same last name for crying out loud.
I know some of you will say that I’m reading way too much into this but I am just sick and tired of her actions. She is such a manipulative winch, I’m sure everything wasn’t just an accident. I’ve tried not to take them personally but this weekend I broke. I have no idea if DH got the whole picture; I know he did call her but it was more likely about that he got the box (I’m pretty sure he knew it was coming because he was constantly asking about the mail). I don’t want to make this about me although I do realize my feelings are important but I think I need to talk to him from a different angle so I was trying to go at it from how she is treating him. He always ends up in a bad mood when we try to discuss his mom, which I do not make a habit of.
Thank you to everyone who made it all the way through…I realize it is long.