Post # 1
I’m asking this question for a friend of mine. She is considering intentionally trying to have a child without a partner but is worried that people will negatively judge her. I think they’ll be fine or at the very least keep it to themselves. I figured an anonymous poll might help to convince her of this, or if she is right, show her the potential arguments.
Background: She is a single mother of 1 three year old girl. Her husband left her almost two years ago and they are now divorced. She has always wanted more children. She has tried dating but has wound up in a few not so fulfilling relationships and realized that her desire for more children was making her overlook red flags that a guy wasn’t for her. She is a wonderful mother and has multiple degrees in early childhood development.
She is now considering purchasing sperm and having a second child. She has put months of thought into this and whether or not she can financially support two children.
If this woman went to your workplace, church, child’s pre-school, etc. would you judge them either silently or say anything? If so, why?
Post # 2
missadventure85: I know someone who did this (but for their first child) I thought it was totally understandable and if I ended up single and financially secure at about 35 I would do this. I think the biggest problem is explaining it to the child when it is older but if it was handled well should be fine
Post # 3
If she can financially support herself and her chilldren and provide a loving, safe and nuturing home then anyone who judges her is just an arse.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t really say that I’d judge her but I do believe that a child benefits from having both a mother and father in their life. (Obviously there are exceptions, like if the dad or mom was a horrible parent they’d be better off without them.) How old is your friend?
Post # 6
missadventure85: Wouldn’t judge one bit. None of my business who her children’s fathers are.
Post # 7
It’s not something I would personally do but if she can afford to raise two children alone I would not judge.
Post # 8
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
missadventure85: Nope. I think a lot of women reach a certain age (somewhere in their 30s) and SETTLE down with the next okay ‘cab off the rank’ with horrible consequences. Children who are loved and provided for usually do alright, you want good enough parenting for good outcomes. Atleast they would have one parent who wanted them and had them on purpose, that’s one more than many.
Post # 9
It’s 2014, I think it’s pretty much acceptable at this point. I’m not at all in the ‘children need 2-parents of opposite gender’ category because they don’t.
If she can provide a safe, loving home and financially support them then I say go for it.
Post # 10
missadventure85: What about adoption? I’m not saying her method is wrong, but it’s another method. And no I wouldn’t judge at all. My mother raised me as a single mother and I don’t think anyone looked at her and judged (and if they did, I wasn’t aware of it). If anything lots of people praise my mom for raising me by herself.
Post # 11
missadventure85: I def wouldn’t care or judge at all as long as she could fully support her kids.
Post # 12
I would not judge her personally. And I’m not sure it would come up that often after the pregnancy and birth. I have 2 daughters- one from each marriage and people aassume they are just full siblings (or if they have suspicions they aren’t, they are polite enough not to mention it).
Post # 13
It’s 2014 so no I wouldn’t judge.
However – I would suggest it be an anonymous or professionally handled ‘transaction’. It shouldn’t be a man she knows etc; human emotions are ugly and the situtation would be volatile. I agree with PP, adoption may be an option.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Nope, I would not judge in the least bit. Why waste your fertile years waiting for prince charming? Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands and do what it takes to fulfill your own dreams.
Post # 15
Sperm donation is already half-adoption, why not fully adopt? I see no need to make a kid with only one parent when there’s tons out there without any parents.