(Closed) intercultural nightmare

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

xsaxsa, why can’t she talk to her parents about this?

Regardless of his culture, she needs to look out for herself first and foremost. At least in American culture, a baby is NOT a good reason to marry someone who you have only recently met and with whom you do not have an established relationship.

Your friend is under no obligation to marry this man, end of story.

While it’s difficult, your friend needs to talk to someone who can help her firmly decline any offers of marriage this man will make, and if she’s young, that would usually be her parents.

Post # 4
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That sounds really scary!  I’m sorry this happened to your friend, but please advise her that no matter what the culture, don’t marry him unless shes absolutely sure!!!  Just because shes going to have his child doesn’t mean get married!  Get married for love and commitment, but not that!  She needs to get to know this guy before making a huge step like that!  Your friend already sounds scared, so i say DEFINITELY NO TO GETTING MARRIED!!!

Post # 5
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Heck, you don’t marry someone to avoid offending him. Offer your friend as much help and time talking as you can because it sounds like a really bad idea to marry this guy. I wonder… does he want money?

Post # 6
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Any man that tells a woman that she HAS to marry him is not respectful of her at all. This man sounds controlling at best and downright dangerous at worst. She NEEDS to tell her parents so they can help her stay safe. Nothing her parents would do to her could be worse than what this psycho guy might do!

Post # 7
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

How old is your friend? Does she live by herself? Does this man know her address? She definitely needs to tell people, and take precautions. She has a right to not marry him and not to be harrassed by him. 

Post # 8
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Not to be disrespectful, but if its so important to have babies in marriage and marry your baby-daddy or baby-momma WHY did he sleep with her? Isn’t that a big risk?

SHE needs to put her foot down. HOW does this guy even know where she lives to fly in and ask her? I would be worried if he presses too hard…but your friend needs to fill her family in and if he is harrassing her, then speak to the cops about what she can do.

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Your friend absolutely needs to talk to her parents or another person she trusts about this situation.  If this man knows where she lives and/or how to find her it might be wise for her to move in with someone else for a brief period.

If she decides to continue the pregnancy it’s imperative that she consult with a lawyer about how to ensure that she retains custody or to work out an acceptable arrangment.  She also needs to keep a record of all contact with him – calls, texts, e-mails, etc.  These will be important if it becomes necessary to pursue a restraining order or argue that he should not be granted custody of a child.  Above all else she should not leave the U.S.

She is not obligated to speak with this man.  She is not obligated, as a matter of law, to continue the pregnancy.  She is not obligated to marry him. 

Post # 10
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If he doesn’t know where she lives she should still consider changing her number and leaving it unlisted.

Post # 11
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Culture alone is not a good reason to get married. If she doesn’t want to marry him, don’t marry him! This is a life long decision and should not be taken so lightly as to “It’s what’s been done in my culture for years!” It is not American culture to just get married like that, and what does he have to say to that? Ridiculous. I am sorry that your friend is going through this awful nightmare, but he sounds a bit creepy and I do not like how he’s pressuring your friend.  You friend needs to somehow decide (whether with parents or anyone else) what to do without being affected by the pressure. No one should be pressured into marrying someone, not in this culture!

Post # 12
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

She NEEDS to tell her parents!

This situation is insane and can get out of control quickly!

She doesn’t know this man and what kind of mental state or anger issues he may have.

I am assuming she is young and this is why she feels she cant tell her parents? But this is more of a reason to tell them!

Does she live with her parents? Does he know where she lives?

Post # 13
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

She does NOT know this guy well enough to marry him!  Having a baby is no excuse to marry.  Where was she on vacation?  You said they met at a resort, was he on vacation too or was he from there?

Does he know where she lives? 

Post # 14
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would tell her parents if she didn’t…this is too important to keep secret. It really sounds like a play for a green card to me. She meets a man at a resort, has a wild fling, gets pregnant and now the man tells her she HAS to marry him…Ummmm…NOOOO!!

If he knows where she stays that makes the situation even worse. If she doesn’t tell, YOU tell.

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh no, this does sound scary! How young is she? That could factor into how she tells her parents and what her LEGAL options are.

Does SHE want an abortion? I hate to be the elephant in the room and bring it up–you said “if she keeps the baby” so i’m bringing it up. But it’s still legal in America and she still has the right. Where does she stand on that issue, HIS CULTURE aside?

She does not have to marry him. She BARELY knows him–meeting someone at a resort and getting pregnant from it is not a good way to go into a marriage. If his culture thinks she has to marry him….i guarantee you if she wants a divorce someday she’ll get trapped! What is his culture, anyways? Do they believe in women being submissive? Will your friend want that (i say no, probably). Do they believe she should stay home and respect him and raise that baby now and forget about the rest of her life? Does this guy want that traditional of a cultural household?!

Marrying him is bad bad bad.

You should marry for love, not obligation. I would be scared, too, if this was a friend of mine! What an awful predicament she’s in =*(

Post # 16
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@ejs4y8 – I’m also wondering about this man’s cultural background.  It would be helpful to know, too, whether he lives in the U.S. or abroad.

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