Post # 1
A facebook friend of mine posted this article (for lack of a better term) on her page and when I read it and read it to my SO, we completely disagreed on our opinions of the article.
So, I wanted to share it with the hive and see what you ladies think!
I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married
Post # 3
@soontobemrsm11: I just glanced through the article, but I do agree with this: No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own. Many people aren’t willing to compromise or make sacrifices and they give up when relationships aren’t “fun” anymore.
Marriages do become practical and I don’t always feel an overwhelming sense of lust for my husband (which is what I feel the author was first describing) – we don’t have sex 4 times a day like we used to because real life gets in the way. However, I do feel a deep sense of love and commitment. Of course you have to work to keep the passion alive!
Relationships change as they mature and they have ebbs and flows. It is learning to live with that and managing both of your expectations that will help a relationship to be successful. I absolutely do believe in doing what is best for the relationship rather than what is best for myself and always making my partner a priority.
Which one of you disagreed with the blog post, and which part did you disagree with?
Post # 4
@MrsPanda99: I agreed with the post and my SO adamantly disagrees. It’s actually causing a tad bit of a thing with us at the moment. She thinks if things aren’t exciting and intriguing (or whatever) like they were when we first started dating, then it’s time to find someone else. I disagree, as I’m the type of person that after time, ANYTHING becomes less exciting.
I think the article really helped me look at my relationship differently and recognize some of the feelings of “is this really right for me? should we really get married?” that I’ve been having.
Post # 5
@soontobemrsm11: The honeymoon phase can’t be sustained forever. Marriage is exciting in a different way than dating, but it also comes with it’s fair share of challenges and obstacles. Things are a lot easier when you are just casually dating rather than being committed life partners because you are less emotionally involved. The rewards of marriage are second to none though and I get excited about different things now 🙂
Post # 6
@soontobemrsm11: i agree in theory, but i think his generalization that most people don’t love their spouse before marriage is incredibly flawed. (when he talked about how millions of people are living this ‘disney movie lie’) i find that really condescending.
i do understand that love is support and giving and i’m not married – so the way that he categorizes ‘love’ my partner and i practice. that is how i love my partner.
in addition – they were together 5 months before being married, so the post sort of insinuates that there was this long stretch before he saw the light, when really, it was 5 months.
so – yeah, i’m not shocked that he ‘learned to love his wife’ after 5 months – he probably wasn’t in love with her until then because it had been such a short time. additionally, as a hasidic jew, i would not be surprised if this relationship was his first/only serious as he admits himself that their courtship was extremely quick and references that most hasidic jews are married similarly.
Post # 7
@peonyinlove: yes I definitely think that the short time before they were married highly contributed to him not “loving” her beforehand. I’ve been with my SO for 2 1/2 years, and I know I love her. The love I felt at 4 months and the love I feel now are very different though, IMO I think that’s more of what he was talking about.
@MrsPanda99: yes committment does change everything lol I started this relationship as a committment phobe. I thought I tackled that but now that we’re closer to being engaged, it’s creeping up again. I feel bad for my SO sometimes because I know it’s not easy to hear someone voicing concerns that probably shouldn’t even be concerns. I am glad I read the blog though, I think it helped me look at things a bit differently!