(Closed) Interesting "Dear Prudence" – thoughts?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

The advice sounds pretty spot on. I would be annoyed too especially if I was concerned about having children.

Post # 4
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Good advice. If two adults can look at each other and think “I just want to marry you”, a grand surprise/expensive ring should not hold up that decision.

Post # 5
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is it wrong that my first thought on reading that yesterday was to wonder if that letter was written by a waiting Bee?

Post # 6
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@oneofthesethings:  Just like ring size shouldn’t dictate proposal timelines (unless you want it to) fertility shouldn’t either. I realize I am in the minority for this, but I’ve told my boo many times that at 32 I’m having a baby with or without him. This doesn’t mean I would leave him; I will just use someone elses sperm and he can adopt it if he wants.

I know I want a baby and I feel that though I can wait for marriage as long as it takes, I can’t wait for that. I am not saying anyone should be as extreme or stubborn as I am willing to be, but it is something to think about

note: I say this now knowing my boo will propose befoer march after 10mnths together so it really is a moot point now.

Post # 7
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree that it should be a joint decision. Before Hubby and I got engaged we talked about getting married….A LOT. It is his family’s tradition to have an engagement party where he formally says that he wants to marry me and asks my parents permission to do so & then we’re technically engaged. But the decsion to get engaged was 100% a joint decision.It’s not like he showed up at my family’s house and out of the blue asked me. I knew it was coming, we decided on the date to do this together.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to give your girlfriend an amazing proposal, but if a diamond ring and a cool scheme is standing in the way (for 4 years) …come on man!!! You gotta ask yourself at some point if a shmacy proposal or if getting engaged and getting the show on the road is more important.

Sounds like this could be an excuse because of some cold tootsies………


Post # 8
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it should be a joint decision, but I also think that if the grand romantic gesture and surprise is very important to either partner, both partners need to respect this.

A lot of these things come down to sharing and showing love in different ways.  

If your partner places a high value on the ritual of it all, take care not to force their hand. You may end up regrettng it in the long run.

Post # 9
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Neva:  LOL! Me too! When I read it yesterday, I was wondering if this was a Bee.


Btw, I just want to say that I love Emily Yoffe aka Prudence. 

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