Post # 1
not sure how to approach it.
I thought about going anon for this but I dont really see the point.
DD was playing with DH’s old phone, a phone that hasnt been used in over a month or so i thought. There is no SIM card in it so I let DD play with it sometimes to keep her quiet whist i have a shower and things. We use it as an alarm clock at night too.
This morning i got out of the shower and DD handed me the phone to pretend to talk on it. The screen was lit so i went to return it to the front screen and noticed a message on the display. The message was dated the 26th June this year. The message was from his colleage Max asking him ‘did you sleep with her’. The message is clearly saved to phone not SIM and out of curiosity i checked the inbox.
There were a few messages back and forward from the two of them which were strange to me.
I wont go into details but DH and I havent been intimate in a while so i was shocked to see a reply from DH saying yes he had slept with her.
now either DH has confided in this co worker about our situation and DH has lied about the answer, or DH isnt referring to me in his messages.
I can either leave it and not bring it up, or mention that i have seen a message and would like an explanation to its content.
Either way i wont be happy if DH is talking about our personal issues with a coworker who he barely knows but would rather that than something more.
What would you do?
Post # 3
You need to talk about it. Don’t accuse him of anything! Just say “look I saw these messages what are they about? “
Post # 4
ChocolateLime: i would be honest and ask about it. That sounds very fishy to me
Post # 5
Definitely don’t make any accusations/assumptions but do talk to him about it. You weren’t snooping, just happenned to stumble on it so just be honest about it and ask.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
I have to say no coworker would ever ask if a man has slept with his wife recently.
Post # 7
lealorali: agreed. You’d say ‘did you sort things out with your wife’ if there’d been a concerning conversation. I’d ne asking wth is going on.
Post # 8
ChocolateLime: If I were in your situation I would most definitely bring up the fact that you saw it. Not saying anything wouldn’t even be an option for me, then again I at times find myself catastrophizing situations, so I would go crazy not knowing.
Post # 9
I’d be snooping thru his new phone!!
Post # 10
lealorali: +1, this. OP, I’d definitely be asking some questions.
Post # 12
im not a suspicious person, and would always give someone the benifit of the doubt. Im trying to figure out the conversation and dates but struggling to make any sense of it at all. There was nothing substantial at that time that happened between me and DH.
DH’s reply was yes mate but it was quick… what the hell is that all about? And if he were talking about me why on earth would he say it was quick? why would any guy say that at all really haha!
Im not a snooper, we used to have open access to each others accounts but would never use them. DH about 3 months ago put a password on his ipad and facebook which i though was a little odd but figured he didnt want DD mucking his settings up or something
Post # 13
ChocolateLime: I am going to be the first admit that this is totally strange. I wouldn’t want to be jumping to conclusions so I won’t recommend it but yes it would make me supicious and perhaps worried. My dh changes his passwords quite often but I know all the usual ones so I still have access, I’d try ask for his new password and see what happens…
Post # 14
It’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. There is no way these messages are about you. No.way. You’re not having sex with your dh. He has password protected his devices. Now this message. You can cling to denial or you can face facts.
Post # 15
ChocolateLime: i just wanna say, your poise while dealing with this is remarkable. i’d probably be having a BSC moment lol Nothing will hurt a relationship more than poor communication. Talk to your man, he’ll probably help clear things up and you’ll feel better. Keeping you in my thoughts!