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I was wondering about this because my best friend is having her wedding 3 hrs away and I am her MOH.
With paying for a dress, shower and bach party I know I wont be able to afford paying for a night at the place she picked. I didnt want to just flat out ask her if she is paying for a night there so good question!!! lol
I have heard of this, but I was a BM at a wedding in the BVI & I paid my own way!
I don't think this rule is followed much anymore, but if one of my BMs or GM couldn't afford to find accommodations I would figure something out for them :) Actually now that I think about it-- we'll probably end up paying for a room for our best man & his family. They're traveling a LONG way to get to the wedding... it's the least we could do.
well, since it's just my sister and she's staying in my room i am (more like my dad is). the only other people aren't staying at a hotel, it's my fi's brother and he's staying at his parent's. but i've never heard of that and i don't think that you should have to or it's expected.
I think it just depends on how familiar they are with the area. For instance, two of my bridesmaids are from out of town, but they have families here to stay with. Same with some other friends who we will be inviting.... they all used to live here/have family and friends still here.
My aunt and uncle, on the other hand, are not from here and have actually only been here a few times. My parents would just host them (obviously), but they have a small house, so they want to pay for her and my uncle to stay at a hotel.
I have not heard this. Our attendants are all siblings except for FI's Groomswoman and her husband. They are paying their own way-- we could not afford to pay for them or anyone else on our budget!
This wouldn't work out so well for me since we're DW, so we aren't having any attendents...but if I can I'm going to at least pitch in on rooms for my really close friends since I know they will be paying a fortune to fly out.
I had never heard of/thought about this. I don't know what we are going to do. My FI is from a different state than where our wedding is going to be and most of his gm are from out of state as well. I guess we would be able to cover the cost of a hotel room for the night for the guys. That would be a nice thing to do.
I've been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings so far. Two of the times, the girls let me stay at their house or at their parent's and that was a really nice gesture. We're going to do that for my BMs. However, if they have to stay at a hotel, then it's completely fine to make your BMs pay for it. That's what we've done for the 5 (!!) weddings that my FI has been in over the past 2 years. And some of the hotels were really expensive. It's just part of the deal. We always did share a room with another groomsman and his SO though, so that helped.
I Have heard of this "rule" but I don't know anyone who has followed it recently!
If they are not OK with staying in the hotel they are more than welcome to stay at my house in the city (we will be in the hotel)!
if they are single, the girls whose weddings ive been on got a room or two for us all to share...
Interesting responses!
If more of our WP had been from OOT, I think they would have been crashing at our houses, like some of you suggested! I will probably hang out with BM before the wedding in her hotel room with some mutual friends anyways, so it kind of works out!
I wish this was a rule! I'm a BM in my cousin's wedding and she sent out an email to all her BMs giving info about hotel blocks telling us to book soon because it's a holiday weekend. I called and it's $115 a night. I'm OOT so I have to stay the night of the rehersal and wedding. $230 on top of my flights, dress, shoes, hair, nails, bridal shower, and gifts. Man, I'm going to be broke. :)
Yes, I've heard of this rule, it's in etiquette books and we are following it and putting the OOT GM up for both nights: rehearsal dinner and wedding nights.
I think it really depends - if they can't afford it then I would definitely try to find a way to help them out...but I don't think it's necessarily required.
That's funny -- I recently had an argument with my mother about this. My Mom feels that our relatives that are traveling and staying at the hotel - that their room rate should be paid for by my parents and that the cousins should only pay for what they charge to their room. She also thinks she's responsible for entertaining them for the 2.5hrs between the church and the cocktail hour instead of being with the bridal party & taking picts, but that's a whole 'nother thread. LOL
Think of your own experiences - there was one point in 05-06 when we had 20 weddings in 18mos and btwn my fiance and I, we were in more than 1/2 of them - we've split rooms with other couples, siblings, etc. but no one ever paid our way for the hotels.
Yeah, we're not doing this, nor has it ever been done for me in the OOT weddings that I've attended or been in.
We didnt pay for anyones rooms (MIL might have paid for a couple family members that couldnt afford it) but we did set up a room block for everyone.
It's nice, but not required. I was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding recently and since the wedding was OOT for everyone (remote town), everyone including the wedding party had to pay for their own hotel rooms. I think it's nice if you can afford it, but a lot of times bridal party has to pay for their own. In your case since it's only one person, depending on how much he/she had to already pay to be in the wedding (transportation costs, attire, hair/nails, etc) you may consider doing this if you can afford it.
Bella
I think it's a nice gesture, but I've never really heard of it. I think part of accepting to be in the WP is knowing that travel might be involved if you are OOT. I'd try to make accommodations at someone's house the attendant would feel comfortable with before going the hotel route... but I wouldn't feel obligated to pay for it.
I was recently in a wedding two hours away and her parents are extremely wealthy... probably 50,000 on food alone.... We were college roommates and they still try to pay my way for as much as they possibly can because they feel like my parents.... but I STILL had to pay for my hotel room..... I figured that it is part of being a bridesmaid. When you sign on you sign on with a price tag attached..... unfortunately....
I'd say it falls under the category of nice but not necessary. I wouldn't expect someone to pay my hotel room... it is kind of part of what you agree to when you say "yes" to being an attendant.
I was in an OOT wedding, the flight cost me $800 round trip. Me and another BM (who was from the States [it was in Alberta]) were put in the same room and the Bride paid for half of our room, which was nice, because it was at a Banff resort and so was SUPER pricy.
My bestfriend is getting married out of province in the Spring, because I am her MOH, her parents are going to pay for my flight. I'll share a night with her for the nights I'm out there, until the wedding ... what I'll do the night of the wedding, I'm not sure yet (my FI likely won't come, because it is an added expense when we are trying to save for our own, and he wouldn't know anyone else). I'll probably shack up with any of the OOT guests that I know, but we'll see.
2x when I was a BM I got a room paid for, but one time it meant sharing a room w/ a girl I don't like, hahaha, who is now married (then engaged) to my ex!
anywho, we didn't pay for ours, but 2 were my sisters, one crashed on my couch, and the other lived in town (my SIL)
Gah, if you're made out of money! I offered to pay for my BM's room that's OOT since I was gonna stay with her the night before the wedding and she said she wanted to pay for it for us. So, if you can, it's great, but definitely something that should not be expected. =)
For my sister's wedding last month, she got two adjoining rooms which slept four to a room only for the night before. The night of the wedding we all paid for all of our own rooms. If you can afford to do it, I say go for it - I'm sure she'll appreciate. It's a HUGE expense to be in a wedding
I've heard of the rule, but haven't met anyone who has paid for room more than one or two guests who were especially important or had special situations.
My FI's family went so far as to arrange a hotel to give a large group of family members a cheap rate for his sister's wedding, but they didn't pay for anyone's stay. Since I have lots of family out of state (some of of country) I may well do the same thing.
We paid for hotel rooms (shared) for 4 OOT GMs and 2 OOT BMs, even though it was super-expensive. We're really blessed to be in a comfortable financial situation, and our OOT people were mostly poor students/just getting started, so in our situation we felt like the right thing was to handle it ourselves and take as much strain off of them as possible. They paid for their own travel, some of them all the way across the country, and their apparel.
I'm going to have three bridesmaids, and two are from out of town, but I'm only specifically telling one of them (the one coming from PA to NC) that I'll pay for her hotel. The other of the two is my cousin, and we have a lot of family in the area, so it would make more sense for her to stay with her sister or someone.
I'm paying for two BMs to stay with me the night before. The night of, they will each pay for their own room (one will stay with her BF, the other with her parents). I wish i could afford to do more, but unfortunately, I cant!
@naangel55 I agree! We are blocking off rooms in 3 different hotels (different prices/styles and one is the one where our reception is taking place) but since our wedding is far away (1hr in a car ---3 hrs in a plane) from EVERYONE (even us!)
I know a lot of people do, but it depends on your budget. All of my OOT guests will be staying either with my parents, his parents and grand-parents, or my aunt. They all have large houses, so there's plenty of room.
Yeah, I've heard of this, but don't know how implimented it is. jsut something else for brides to feel guilty over, I suppose. If you can afford it, why not? ut if you can't don't sweat it.
So I've been a BM in three destination weddings and always paid my own way. BUT when my sister got married (DW) she insisted on paying for all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen's rooms. I think she felt like she was in a better position to pay for it than they were. I feel like if the bride and groom or parents (whoever is paying) CAN comfortably afford it, then they should. If it's a struggle, then they by no means should have to. I don't think it's expected, just nice.
For what's it's worth...
Not at all. We certainly are not paying for the out of town guests in the wedding party. I am paying for all of the bridesmaid dresses (which are floor length Priscilla of Boston, so they are pretty pricey) and all of their jewelry to offset the costs though.
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She said we have to pay for out of town attendants' hotel rooms. Since there's just one, no biggie, but did you pay for your OOT wedding party's rooms? Ever heard of this rule?
Just out of curiosity!