interfaith Couple – Advice Needed

posted 2 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 2
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

Hey girl! <br />I feel ya. I am a Marthomite and my SO is Hindu (Sri Lankan Tamil yay!). We have been dating for 3 and a half years and SO def. wants to get engaged LATEST next year and I havent told my dad yet. I expect a HUGE blow up in my dads family because they are all pretty into the Marthoma thing. We are just like your FI and you, really liberal in our religous view points and supportive of each other. <br /><br />Unfortunately,  you have it worse because you’re the Hindu “Marrying into” a Marthoma Family. Traditional expectation of women marrying into another religion in our (Malayalee) culture is that the woman will give up her beliefs and “convert” or “follow” the man’s. <br />Marthomites also has a bit of an ego because they/we think that we are SUPER Christians thanks to the reformations and that we follow Bible exactly and bla bla bla…so yes, there will be HUGE difficulties trying to convince them to partake in the Hindu ceremonies and events (esp since the commandment say that you must not bow down to any other God but YOUR GOD). Let me be the first to say that its a HIGHLY hypocritical church. 

Im sorry you’re going through this, but I doubt much will change. 

Im assuming that your FI has already changed churches or if not will soon, as you cannot Marry a non christian and stay a member of the Marthoma church. What you CAN do and what Im planning on getting my SO to do are the following:

1) Attend the Marthoma church with your FI as much as you can. Defenitely attend during the important dates (Easter, Christimas, etc). Really socialize with their circles – try to do this during like Christmas parties, or those fundraising events we are always having – so its not a SUPER religious atmosphere. (Also extra points if you wear sarees to church :P)

2) if you can take over Onam (since its technically a Hindu holiday but is not considered as such) then its a great way to slowly integrate them into your beliefs too. 

3) If you are not Malayalee, I would put more effort into learning making Malayalee food, and movies and what not. Your FI can def. help with you on this. Then invite FILs to your home

(and I hope your FI will do the same for you for the sake of your family and culture)

Essentially, they are afraid you’re taking their son away from them. If you guys can show that its TOTALLY possible to be supportive without losing who you are, and put effort into really integrating yourself, hopefully they will be more supportive.

However, if youre planning on having kids, I would start prepping for a stronger version of current behaviour. It will only get worse. 

Honestly, our community is super high on gossipping and judging (so Christian of us eh?) and there are SO many people in our churche who marry out of religion and culture. If they are continuing to be Kundi’s then get your FI to talk to them respectfully and if bad comes to worse, you kinda have to put some space between them and you. 

Hope everything goes well!

 

 

Post # 3
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

Oh shucks that was long!

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