(Closed) interfaith couples – did you "warn" your parents?

posted 6 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@burgers:  Have they met him yet? I would let them meet him so they realise he is a nice guy first without bringing this stuff up about him or do they already know?

Post # 5
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@burgers:  Well once he proposes they are just going to have to deal with it. I think bringing up the engagment before it happens just makes them think your looking for thier approval and they have time to intervene before it actually happens. I wouldn’t give them the opportunity to mess up your proposal with negative thoughts before it actually happens.

Once he proposes be prepared that they may be upset for awhile and make sure to take his side over their opinions if you want the marriage to work. Families can be marriage killers if your not a united front.

Post # 6
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, I would just announce the engagement.  My DH is agnostic and I am a preacher’s daughter (although, I have recently become agnostic myself).  Obviously, my parents would have prefered me to settle down with a Christian man.  However, I am 28-years-old and their opinion on my husband’s religious beliefs didn’t matter to me.  I’m an adult and I don’t need their approval for my life decisions.

Luckily, they love DH and never had a negative thing to say about his religious beliefs (or my own for that matter).  They are super supportive and never try to push anything on him.  Hopefully, your parents will realize that you are an adult and will be the same way!

Post # 7
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My parents are Christian, my fiance is a “cradle Catholic” (doesn’t really practice it) and I follow Buddhism. I told him this from the beginning and he loves and respects my spirituality. The first time he met my parents, my mother asked me for his cell number. My mom is sweet and really ditzy so I thought she just wanted to send him a “nice to meet you” message. Instead she called him and had about a two hour conversation with him about the fact that I’m Buddhist (plus a number of other things that she found unsatisfactory, like I don’t clean my house enough, etc.) and that if he didn’t want to be with someone like that, it’s better to split up now than later on down the line. I was so pissed! He was a little disturbed, but being a pretty direct person he appreciated my mother’s direct way of telling him what was on her mind. Now I look back on it and I know she didn’t do it maliciously, like I said she is just really ditzy and has an odd way of being helpful, and it kind of makes me laugh. My mom gave him every reason she could think of not to be with me, and he flat out didn’t care. That’s love! 

We don’t really think too much about being in an “inter-faith” relationship. Neither of us is very ritualistic and we don’t feel that we need a religious community. We practice loving-kindness etc. in our every day lives and definitely are each others’ mirror for when we stray. 

Post # 9
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Do not engage your parents in a conversation about this. As an adult, you are entitled to spend your life with whomever you see fit. Frankly, it isn’t their business what his religion is, or isn’t. 

Post # 10
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@StuporDuck:  Because of your icon I hear everything you type in Daffy Duck’s voice…It’s awesome

Post # 11
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My fiance and I are both Jewish (he converted almost a year ago after a year+ of classes and other Jewish stuff) but his mother is Catholic and rather religious and his father is Lutheran, but not super religious.

After we announced the engagemnet his father flat out asked if it will be a Jewish wedding, and we said yes.  It went rather smoothly.  His mother is a completely different story. 

We took her out to the venue site to show her the location (I love our venue beyond words) and I thought it was going to be a nice little visit.  Wow, I was wrong.  We were sitting there and she asked what type of ceremony it would be and I said Jewish but our Rabbi.  She asked (not so nicely) how I (not we but I since I am the bad guy) came to the decision, I said we picked the Rabbi that converted my fiance because he is amazing and wonderful. 

She flipped.  I guess he had forgot to tell her he converted, it really was not a big deal to us, but I guess it was for her.  She said and I quote (she said this yelling none the less at our venue) “You are the son of a Catholic and a Luthern….why are you now Jewish?”

We both just looked at her dumbfounded.  I could not believe her reaction to it.  My response should have been “…that is true but he is Jewish now and marrying a Jew.” I could not get the words out of my mouth due to just standing there watching this woman freak out.

But, on the plus side both of his parents know it will be a Jewish ceremony so I guess that is one less thing we have to worry about.

Post # 12
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Day_In_The_Life:  how the heck did he forget to tell her that?

Post # 13
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

technically, when DH and I met, I was Christian. Mom wanted me to have a Christian wedding, but I really don’t think she noticed it was non-denom.

Post # 14
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My family and I are Catholic, my FI and his family are Protestant. Everyone was pretty much prepared for it because we were dating for quite awhile.

Since FI and FI’s immediate family are non-practicing, we’re doing a Catholic wedding because my parents go to mass every Sunday and they care a lot more.

Post # 15
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Just announce your engagement. You are an adult and can marry whomever you choose. If they have questions you can either politely answer them, or explain that religion is a very personal thing you both take very seriously and would rather not discuss it with them, but explain that you ahve both had the important conversations about it and your future together.

Post # 16
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bearlove:  cause to us it was not a big deal, we were just glad it was over with.  She knew he was in classes for the conversion, but the last ceremony itself took like 45 mins and that was it.  I think we went grocery shopping afterwards, just was not a big deal to us….it was to her.

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