(Closed) interracial marriages

posted 7 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Williams_delores: I would totally support my family members if they were in a relationship with a person outside of their race. I am African America & I have family members in my family that are dating people of another race, adopted children from another race, shoot there are a couple of people in my family that are dating the same sex! LOL

I just feel like “to each is own.” Everybody deserves the chance to be happy and I don’t feel that anyone else has the right to look down or turn their nose up at someone for who they chose to love.

 

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

What is most important is the personal and emotional connection and that you make each other happy and want to spend the rest of your lives together, not your skin color or gender.

We are all human after all.

ETA: I was a bridesmaid in an interracial marriage of a Korean (who was adopted by Caucasian parents) to a blond haired blue eyed Caucasian man. I also gave the maid of honor toast since I knew the couple better than the Maid of Honor. So yes, I support it.

Post # 6
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I live in a very diverse multi-cultural city. No one here even bats an eye when they see interracial couples. Many of my friends are mixed race. All of my relationships have been interracial actually. My FI is a different race, and a different nationality to boot. I must admit, I LOVE guys with sexy foreign accents. So yeah, I don’t see any problem with interracial marriages!

The only issues I’ve ever faced have been with either my parents or the guy’s parents. My parents were really hoping I’d meet a nice Chinese boy who would understand their language and customs, and when I first started dating they were disappointed he wasn’t Chinese. But they got over it quickly and ultimately they just wanted me to be happy. My first boyfriend’s parents never really got over it, but we broke up for other reasons before it got that serious. My parents totally love and accept my FI, and FI’s parents love me, so it’s all good!

There was one bizarre incident I experienced at the airport, when I was en route to visit my FI in his home country (we were LD at the time). A man sat down next to me and asked me where I was headed to. When I told him where I was going to visit my boyfriend, he thought it very peculiar that there would be many Chinese people living in that country. I told him my boyfriend was not Chinese, he was white. He was shocked and said he would strongly disapprove if his children ever dated outside of their race. I didn’t bother asking why, because I didn’t want to hear his ridiculous reasoning. He was also shocked to find out that I’m a lawyer. A woman lawyer! Imagine that!

Post # 7
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

So my questions are:

#1 If you knew your friend/sister/who ever loved someone but are not of the same race would you support them

Yes I would support them…although I currently don’t have any family that is dating/married to a person of another race, one of my older sisters used to be engaged to a white man (we are black) until he was killed in a car accident. We didn’t treat him any differently.

#2 Does love have a separation

I don’t think love has a separation but society unfortunately still does. Depending on the race of the person, there can be some backlash. From what I have seen personally, white man dating anyother race (except black women) gets little to no reaction. For any other racial combination….there are stares, whispers, etc. Of course some of this is dependent on geographical location.

#3 What are your thoughts on the issue? (Everyone is an adult so I ask that we remain respectful to all opinions)

It kind of is what it is. I am a black woman engaged to a black man but I have seen the struggles of other interacial couples. This country is not colorblind…nor is any other country for that matter…especially when it comes to black people. I think as long as the couple is strong and has a few supportive people in their circle, they can make it though.

#4 Do you have a happily ever after or a horror story to share

Horror story: the sister that I mentioned above was enaged to marry a white man. Not a problem for us but was a MAJOR problem for his racist family. He was killed in a car accident. He was driving and my sister was in the passenger side. He was ejected from the car…she managed to free herself, get to him, perform CPR and call his family so that they could come to the scene of the accident. He later died in the hospital. My sister was also admitted…the family wouldn’t let her see him, didn’t invite her to the funeral or list her on the obituary, and when she was released from the hospital, she tried to go back to the home they shared for 6 years only to find out that the locks had been changed…with all of her stuff inside. We had to involve the sheriff and it got REALLY ugly. 

Post # 8
Member
759 posts
Busy bee

Of course it can work!  I know many folks in interracial relationships, most of them are happily married with children. As a matter of fact I’m in one – my BF is white and I’m black.  We have been together for two years and altho we are now in a LDR we are still going strong. 

We haven’t had any issues with anyone although I have had before when I was in an IR, but nothing so huge that caused any issues in our relationship (they all ended for other reasons that had nothing to do with race).  I just don’t see the race being an issue in an a relationship unless you allow it to be.  For me it was harder to date guys with polar opposite views about politics, life goals, morals, etc. 

 I agree with KatNYC, it’s more about your emotional connection and if you are happy with each other.  Skin color has nothing to do with it.

Post # 9
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@JamaicaBride: Oh my god, I can’t imagine being in your sister’s shoes when that happened. What a cruel family her fiance had. That’s heartbreaking.

Post # 10
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well my FI is half Asian, half White and I’m Black, so it is a vertiable United Colours of Benetton situation in our house. We are also from different countries and cultures to further complicate the issue, but I can 100% say that this has been the smoothest and easiest relationship of my life. We are so on the same page about many things, that we really hacen’t had any issues so far. People will always have something to say, but really who cares? As long as no one talks any BS to any children we might be blessed with in the future, I’m good.

Post # 11
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@JamaicaBride:

Peple can be so cruel and nasty sometimes. A similar thing happened to my colleague, although he an his FI (she passed away in an accident) were the same race, the family just didn’t lik ehim for other reasons (they thought he was beneath their daughter socially).

Post # 12
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have several family members that are in interracial relationships.  Not only do I support them, but I can’t say I know of any member of my extended family that doesn’t.  I just wish the same kind of love and happiness that I have with my husband (yeah, we’re newylweds!) for all my family members.  Whomever makes them happy makes me happy.

@JamaicaBride:  Wow. How tragic for everyone involved.  And doubly so for your sister because of all the unecessary trauma from his family.  I’m so sorry she had to go through all that.

Post # 13
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@plantains: People can definitely be cruel. My dad lived through Jim Crow and the civil rights movement (he will be 79 tomorrow) and he raised us to respect any and all differences. I am raising my daughter the same way. Hate isn’t inherent…it’s definitely a learned behavior.

@plantains: That’s the thing…this topic can apply to socioeconomic difference, cultural differences, etc. Some people just look for ways to creat divisions where there shouldn’t be any.

@Neva: Yeah it was a pretty crazy time. It worked itself out though b/c her FI made arrangements for her. He left her the house and some life insurance. So she currently lives in the house they locked her out of initially….just craziness

Post # 14
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My SIL was once asked to comment on the issues she and her husband faced being an interracial couple.  Her comment: “Sometimes I forget to remind him to wear sunscreen.”  That’s all.  I thought it was a funny comment at first, but then I realized she was completely sincere because race just does not matter. 

Post # 15
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am AA my fiance is white. When we first started dating I would notice that people stared and said things under their breathes. I think I noticed it often because I was looking for it. 5 years and 1 engagement ring later I never see or hear any outsiders when we are out. I think you have to be an extremely confident person to date outside you race or you will always see the stares and the whispers.

A girlfriend of mine ask me how it was to date outside my race because she was thinking about it. I told her that it takes an open mind and heart, and if your heart says so…. then it will be LOVE IS BLIND

Post # 16
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@JamaicaBride: Oh God, that is a horror story to end all horror stories. Reminds me of some of the things widows in my country live through. When the husband dies, sometimes his family comes and co-opts the house and sometimes the kids. Sad sad.

About the topic, I’ve been with a guy of a different race. It wasn’t a big deal even though it was down in Texas. I tell you though, I’ve gotten stares in NYC. Yes, NYC, the most cosmopolitan of places 🙁 Now, my FI is from my country. The first time in my life I actually dated someone from my country and we ended up together. I must say that my mother secretly prayed for this I’m sure. I wouldn’t mind if any of my siblings wanted to marry someone of a different race. It’s bad enough society judges you, why would I, your own sister judge you? Happiness is sometimes fleeting, please grab it when you can and don’t put any stumbling blocks in your way. Just know that sometimes, it’s not you, it’s society.

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