Interracial relationship – Dad not on board. Help!

posted 3 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@K_J_A:  If your dad truly loves you he will come around eventually.  I’m chinese and my husband is caucasian and it took my mom years before she would accept our relationship, but eventually my husband won her over.  Try not to let his attitude get you down.  Best of luck!

Post # 4
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Do you know why your father is upset? It sounds like a stupid thing to say, but is the root of the problem that:

– He worries that you will stop practising your religion

– He worries that your children will not be raised in your family culture

– He worries that a man of a different culture will treat you badly/ not understand you

– A combination of the above

– Something else entirely?

I say this because a relative of mine started an inter-racial relationship in the 1960s and our family initially had their reservations. It transpired that the main reason they were worried was because they knew he would want to return to his home country, and they were worried that my relative wouldn’t have very many rights as a woman in an Islamic state once she got there.

The obvious reason (ie racism) isn’t always the correct reason for not encouraging a relationship like this. Once you figure out what the real problem is then you can discuss a solution with your father.

Post # 5
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have a very similar situation, I am Canadian but of Sri Lankan descent and my DH is Irish/Canadian/Dutch (white). My dad was not on board at the beginning at all. I recently posted this in the other interractial thread as well – he actually forbid me from seeing him and said i had to choose between my then BF and my family. My father REFUSED to meet him and it was a huge uproar. 

I told my dad that it wasnt fair he was making me choose and lost contact with my family for a bit (I was living away from home for work), they finally came around to it. More that they wanted me in their life but they still didnt accept my choice of a partner. They finally got around to meeting him, and eventually started to warm up to him, and now they love him. It wasnt the ideal story or the ideal path, but in the end everything did end up working out. We got married in July with the complete help and support from my family (they actually paid for most of the wedding).

Post # 6
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Rachel631:  I know my parents are super racist, but they stated those top three reasons as to why I shouldn’t marry someone that isn’t chinese.  I’m not sure about OP’s culture, but it seems that many Asian parents don’t like the idea of marrying outside the culture and will go to great lengths to break up the relationship.  To be honest, I’m not sure what this really stems from, however is seems pretty prevalent.

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