I am white and my fiance is black... and based on my pic I am sure you guessed that lol Anyway my issue is my fiance wants to jump the broom... and I am fine with that... heres the catch...we are getting married by a white pastor... and my fiance wants this read...
We end this ceremony with the African American tradition of jumping of the broom. Slaves in this country were not permitted to marry, so they jumped a broom as a way of ceremonially uniting. Today it represents great joy and at the same time serves as a reminder of the past and the pain of slavery.
As our bride and groom jump the broom, they physically and spiritually cross the threshold into the land of matrimony. It marks the beginning of making a home together. It symbolizes the sweeping away of the old and the welcoming of the new; the sweeping away all negative energy, making way for all things that are good to come into your lives. It is also a call of support for the marriage from the entire community of family and friends. The bride and groom will now begin their new life together with a clean sweep!
With this being read the way it is I feel like I might offend somebody... I don't want to be disrespectful. Some of his family has a big problem with our relationship... and it caused a lot of drama in the past. I am trying to avoid any future issues... would it be better if we skipped the last line of the first paragraph?
@kendorah: meh i'm black my SO is white. I want to jump the broom. If people get offended by history it is a them problem, not a you problem. If, however, it bothers you to have this in the ceremony you need to discuss it with your SO sooner than later.
I worried about the wording of what he wants said... It is his wedding too and thats the only thing he asked for! would it be wrong to just omit ... Today it represents great joy and at the same time serves as a reminder of the past and the pain of slavery... and keep the rest?
@kendorah: I see what your saying ... Change the word slaves and I think it becomes less offensive. If its important to hubby to be then its worth tweaking a little.
I think it's fine without that one sentence. Everyone still gets the idea. Does your FI though?
My sisters husband is black and they did the jumpiof of the broom, they just said something about starting a new life together and then jumped! Our side of the family had never seen anything like this so we were amused but I definitely think some people would have been shocked not amused if there was slavery talk. I say keep it short and sweet, less chance of offending someone
@kendorah: idk, why is slaves offensive? perhaps you and him need to have a race talk. I had mine with my so at month two so he doesnt find reality offensive anymore. perhaps you need some of the black perspective.
One of the reasons Jews break the glass is to remind them even at one joyous points in their lives, they must also mourn the distruction of the temple...I feel like it's kind of similar.
I personally don't see a problem and am not offended. However, if it's really an issue, I would talk to your FI now... but if he wants to leave it in, I think just leave it.
The problem might come from some of his family they don't like me because I am white... he's got a i dont care what people think attitude... I think we might just skip it... but I do want to jump the broom...how it is fair to do all of my traditions and skip his? :/
I doubt they be offended by it. If they don't like you, they probably be offended my your smile, you breathing, you wearing a dress, basically they just make up reasons not to like you.
What your Fi posted if factually accurate and I can't see a reason why it needs to be omitted, although I can get why it feels weird to do it as an interracial couple. Maybe a fair compromise would be cutting that part out if you really makes you uncomfortable.
@kendorah: I'll have to agree with PP: have the celebrant say, "Now Mr. Kendorah and Mrs. Kendorah celebrate their passing into married life (or whatever) by jumping the broom." Jump the broom. Celebrate!
As for his family not liking you based on your skin color, I know where you're coming from. My mom is Asian and my dad is black. Both sides did not like the union. However, if you two really, really love each other...it's just going to have to be something they get over. Sorry. Once mom and dad had us, they simmered considerably.
Let him have his one thing. Just tweak what is said before you jump the broom with him. Maybe you could have something in your program about the traditions in the ceremony. Have a little explanation about jumping the broom in there?
If his family already doesn't like you because you are white, who cares if they don't like the wording? It's not going to change their opinions of you no matter what wording you use. Do whatever makes both of you happy! It's your day not theirs.
@sealevels: Thats a really good idea! Thank you! FMIL loves me! she isnt the problem... its one of his aunties. we just avoid her and I don't go to family functions. By my own choice... and that works for now lol
@kendorah: Oh, you're welcome! I hope that she just gets over it once you're married. I mean, you're his lady now and will definitely be so once married. It's not the 50s, she's going to have to deal. :)
You shouldn't have to avoid family functions because of one prejudice lady. :/
@TwoCityBride: i think she is more uncomfortable with it than her guest. so she should cut it but also learn to come to terms with race issues before bringing children into the world.
We as a couple do not have a problem with our races... and our races have nothing to do with us having children.
@kendorah: that is not what I meant. Obvioulsy I am also in a black/white relationship plus my SO is jewish. I mean if you have not dealt with having insecurities about the history of race in this country. Things like slave a nd nigger, you need to figure it out well before your kids come to you asking why they were referred to as such. It might not seem like an issue for you, but ask your SO and he will probably explain it.
I dont think its in good taste for our white pastor to talk about over coming slavery... and as far as the n word... I find in offensive used in any context, and it is not used in our home. That we have discussed. As well as how we raise our children....
@kendorah: theres nothing wrong w/ white people talking about overcoming slavery. your union being legal shows that we, in part, have.
what you choose to do in your home wont protect them from anything in the outside worl. they will read about istory and period literature. I suggest you stop trying to ignore racial realities and figure out what youll do when they confront you.
We aren't ignoring them... we are choosing to live above and not let it run our lives!
@kendorah: which might be fine for you but as the ceremony and children will show you, these are not issues you can always ignore. in this case ignorance is folly, not bliss. But moving along, if you want to be blindsided by life who am i to judge?
I think it's fine the way he wants it to be read. There may be some people at the wedding who don't understand the tradition of jumping the brrom and that sums it up very well. I don't see how explaining the tradition is offensive. I say leave it be and let it go, especially if thats all he has asked for in regards to the wedding.
slavery is history and it IS in fact the origin of this particular tradition. I would probably be more offended by the sanitized explanation, than the word "slave." Marrying a Black man, I'd say now is as good a time as any to commit fully to his history and culture...not just the pretty parts.
@kendorah: I think the whole thing should be said. Look how far we have come along from slavery to interracial marriage which all used to be illegal - it should be celebrated not changed to not offend someone.
Im debating adding jumping the broom into own ceramony. I think it would be really special.
I dont think that its offensive. Thats what jumping the broom is about. If you really think it will bother people taking that line out isnt a huge thing. Talk to your FI about it. Its only a little change
@kendorah: I'm white and FH is black. We arent jumping a broom, but I would feel uncomfortable with that one sentence. I would leave it out honestly. My grandmother didnt approve of our relationship because he was black... idk bringing it up wouldnt be worth it to me... but it might be worth it to your FH.
@kendorah: This exact piece was in the program at a wedding that I attended this summer...and then they jumped the broom. Bride was white and groom AA like you guys. No one batted an eye. I don't know that it needs to be read, but if you put it in the program, it could help to explain to people who may not be familiar with the tradition what the heck you're doing.
I think if you do it (and you should do it), you should ABSOLUTELY have something in there about the origins of the practice -- and those words you pasted are great.
I am white and I know about it, but I bet you there are plenty of people, maybe even some at your ceremony, who could really use that one sentence or so of education. Spread knowledge and love, and revel in ALL of your traditions.
@kendorah: I know this is an old thread but I wanted to comment. I am black and my husband is white. We did not 'jump the broom' but I considered it. It just wasn't something that was particularly meaningful to me, but if it had been something I had always wanted, I DEFINITELY would have been offended if my husband had objected or wanted to 'sanitize' it.
this is his culture, not yours.. . i mean that in the nicest possible way!
I also think it's really funny that every single person on this thread who said it would make them uncomfortable is white. :)
well, unless your fiance is African (not African-American) then he *is* a descendant of slaves. you are marrying the great- great- grandson of slaves. You are entering into that past and that collective pain.
here is my idea. if you don't feel comfortable with your white pastor reading the paragraph (which I actually do understand), how about if you have someone from your FI's family, or one of his black groomsmen, come forward and read it?
It would be like a regular 'reading', except followed by you jumping the broom. that way if you feel it would be more tasteful to have a black person speaking those words, then it would work out.
One of my daughters has been dating someone who is African American (from dad) and white (from his mom). They are young but pretty serious. I read your post and can tell you that I would not be offended if it was read at my daughter's wedding. I don't believe any of my family members or friends would be either. If you are truly worried, I would suggest that you remove the one sentence as others have already suggested - however, I don't think that it's necessary. It's unfortunate that you even have to worry about this but I know that there are still some people who disapprove of a "mixed" marriage. I think you should just do what makes the two of you happy!
@kendorah: also the statement of 'living above' race really bothers me as a minority in an interracial marriage. honestly. . . if my husband told me he wanted to 'live above' race when we were dating or engaged,that would have been a HUGE red flag.
Race IS important in American life. it shouldn't neccesarily be,but it IS and to ignore that, just because you as a Caucasian woman have the privilege of 'living above' it, doesn't mean that your future husband, or your children (as someone else mentioned) will be so fortunate.
acknowledging racial issues and being willing to tackle them head-on, doesn't mean you're letting them run your life. it means you're *fighting* as a family, TOGETHER, for the strength and dignity and acknowledgement that our country has historically tended to deny people of color.
@hellorebecca: ooo I hate the word caucasian... its just a weird word and too politically correct for me lol I really appreciate your input... I wasn't so much looking for a white perspective on this matter as i am white myself lol. You have some really good ideas that I would've never thought of! and by living above I meant racism not our races. I live in Detroit... in the hood, I am the only white person in our neighborhood, We get stares a lot. It doesn't bother me, but it bothers him. People make comments to him about being with a white girl, they call him a traitor stuff. I am treated differently sometimes, I ran into a grocery store once and actually have been asked to leave by the owner, she told me she doesn't serve white bitches... but I feel like our relationship would never work if we worried what people think of us. I wasn't raised to disrespect people. I believe race is too much of an issue in this country and for no reason... sometimes it makes me embarrased to be white, I don't want people to see me as just a another privledged white girl, which I am not, I worked very hard to get where I am in life, and I aint got shit lol And my parents worked hard for what I had growing up, and at 16 they stopped providing me with what I wanted, and made me get a job if I wanted a new pair of jeans I had to buy it myself...I really do appreciate your candidness
I read all the posts and we all have a different outlooks on a sentence. I dont see why you think they would be offended by the sentence when it is factual. Whenever we speak of our history it does make others feel uncomfortable but that does not mean that it shouldnt be mentioned.
It makes others uncomfortable when I am in public with an Italian/Irish American soldier and I am Black American/Cherokee. Does that mean we should stay in the house because it makes others feel uncomfortable???
You are marrying into a culture that has been seen by society as second class for over 200 years so we take pride in our struggle and the fact that we have overcome so many adversities. You are not of the culture so you dont really understand what it means to him as a Black man. That was not said to make you feel uncomfortable because you dont understand.
When we as a race overcome we all celebrate we all carry our history on our faces they are not hidden and we deal with issues that you would never have in your life. Every chance we get to appreciate the ones that paved the way we do.
My FI is a soldier and has been in the military of 24 years and he has gained his knowledge and understanding by experience. He has lived with every culture under the sun in close quarter for years on combat tours and he himself received first hand knowledge of our struggles by the men he served with.
He said when you truly understand the struggle you can help but to see things differently. Knowledge is power.
One of post said "if you think it will offend take it out...it is a little thing" that is a clear indication that they dont see the importance of the statement.
No part of that seems inappropriate. Omitting it reeks of fear. Just do it. To hell with everyone else
We did it and it was one of the highlights of our wedding! Here's the thing: if they can sit through 15 seconds where race is mentioned, what re they doing at an interracial wedding! Do it and enjoy!!! Mazel tov!!
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