Intimacy situation while living with the parents?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My parents always had a “knock first” policy in the house growing up.  They never explained why (haha) but it was understood: you always knock and wait for an answer before going into a grown-up’s room.  DH and I will definitely be implementing this when we have kids.  It worked great for both of our families.

We pretty much just continued this whenever we visit.  Family/siblings know that the playroom becomes our room when we’re there and requires a knock.  Not quite the same thing as living there permanently, but maybe it’ll at least give you an idea.  

Then, you say goodnight, go into your room, close the door, and let life take it’s course 😉

Post # 4
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

It’s definitely not the easiest situation, but not terrible. FIs mom generally goes to bed pretty early which helps, cause by the time we head to bed she is asleep as a rock, but other factors way into it… Not that we have any issues physically, but our bed is loud as fuck (No pun intended) and it kinda kills the mood a little bit, so we’ve just had to work around that. We have a media room to ourselves upstairs which is quieter. And apart from that, I have to work on being quiet as well lol. Showers work as well.

I will say this, not to put you off cause your FI may be different, but I definitely notice that he isn’t as comfortable banging when his mom is home, so it sometimes is a bit of a strain, so we will sometimes just wait for her to go run errands or go out with friends and stuff. I mean she did say when we moved in with her lol “if y’all ever need me to go out and get some ice cream just let me know” lol creepy but i know she meant it in a funhygienic way.

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We have the second floor to ourselves, FI’s mom lives on the first floor. It works out because when he moved out to live with me (we had lived together for 2 years) the second floor was left unused and empty.

Part of the reason it’s “our” space is that we redesigned it – did all the demo and construction ourselves. Part of that work was sound insulating the bedroom walls – helps keep noise out/in. We also gasketed the bedroom door (to keep out cooking smells) but it helps with noise as well.

It’s understood (so far) that FMIL doesn’t come up without our permission (or yell up the stairs – but we’re still working on this one). She has the whole first floor to herself, and like I said – she never came upstairs anyway. We also put lockable knobs on all the main doors for when we want privacy or to keep our stuff safe.
It’s pretty clear that we AREN’T just crashing in FI’s childhood bedroom – this is a home that we’ve made for ourselves, and even though the plan is only to be here 2 years, we aren’t going to let anyone overrun our space.

We are architects, so space is sacred to us. I call our little upstairs home our “marriage bed” and this helps me to be a bit more defensive about it – I don’t want ANYONE but me and my husband in my marriage bed, and I’ll lay down the law to make that clear.

In terms of your question, we’ve been trying to get a better feel for her schedule so we know when the best times of the week are for privacy. Yeah, I’m scheduling it – better than nothing! And good practice for busy kid’s schedule someday.

We ALSO agreed that it’s important for our marriage (we’re two weeks out!) SO if someone walks in on us that’s 100% THEIR PROBLEM… we’re married, it’s a given – we’re DOING IT.
We MIGHT stop what we’re doing, but we’ll definatley be laughing when they close the door. The laughing is because it’s awkward, and because I want to be somewhat assertive about it… I’m not going to hand you the control to ruin my moments (i.e. cry or make a huge deal out of it), so I’m just going to laugh out loud about it and keep doing what I’m doing. I’m betting that will be awkward enough for most sane people to never invite themselves into my space again.
The health of my marriage is more important than my modesty on my OWN turf.

[ETA] Oh… it helps that FMIL sleeps like a rock AND our bed is a platform bed (very stable). We are also not obnoxious (which mostly came about from apartment living).

Post # 5
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We currently live with my parents, until our house is built and finished. We have been married since June of 2013. We just tend to find times when everyone is asleep or away. And we have our own private bathroom so that helps as well. Just cant wait until we have a space of our own!!

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