Post # 1
I’m not OFFICIALLY engaged yet, pretty much just playing the waiting game while the BF is doing a long distance job 10 hrs away. He’s already told me he’s planning on proposing around Christmas. Totally ruined the suprise, but whatever. 🙂 But we’re already talking about the wedding since it will probably only be a 6 month engagement.
Anyway, I’ve never been the giant wedding person, it honestly makes me hyperventilate a little bit, so we’ve decided to do a small wedding on a beach. Probably Puerto Rico or Hawaii since marriage licenses are easier if you’re within the US. We’re expecting MAYBE 15 people. Parents, his sister, 1 set of grandparents, cousin, maybe an aunt and uncle, super small. We’re going to invite more people but neither set of my gparents travel, and I know most of our friends are not able to afford the trip (newly college grad age). I’m completely okay with that, we’re going to invite close people as more of a formality, nice thing to do.
Here’s my delimna, when he told his mom about our beach wedding plan, she was basically like, “Okay, if that’s your choice, but just so you know there are going to be a lot of people that would like to see you get married and they’re going to be disappointed.”
Did any of you Bees have to deal with disappointed or angry family when you decided to do a destination wedding? How did you deal with it?
Also, I thought a solution would be to have a reception after the wedding, show a slideshow from wedding, but we’re from two different states originally, so I’m not sure how many of his family would be able to make it. And is it tacky to through a reception (full dinner, open bar) and register for gifts? My mom thinks it’s like “we didn’t want you to come to the wedding, but come give us presents.” But we are poor college students, so, gifts are nice. I could throw a reception like: Come meet the newlyweds! (no gifts necessary) on the invites. I don’t know! I need advice! 🙂
Post # 3
Hubby-2-B and I are planning what we are calling an Elopement to a Destination Wedding (just the 2 of us, overlooking the Ocean in Myrtle Beach)
And YES some folks seem to be disappointed, but this is an Encore Wedding for us… so we don’t want a big over the top affair. We want something small and intimate.
That is what is important to us… it’ll be the Ceremony that we truly want (one-on-one) in a Destination that we both love and means a lot to us (sort of “our” place if you will)
To compensate, for everyone’s want to participate, we are now looking at having a Back-Home Reception for our Friends & Family
There will be some sort of Invites sent out (be they printed, which I am leaning towards… or something more casual)
We may have pics or a slideshow from our Wedding. The Reception will most likely include Cake & Champagne, maybe Nibbles & a Cash Bar. We are also considering a DJ & Dancing.
We will decorate, maybe have a few nice DIY Projects etc.
We most likely won’t register, so there is no suggestion of this being a gift grab… the Invites will be carefully worded to show it is a chance to celebrate with us.
BTW, it is totally improper to put any references to gifts in any way (Registry Info – No Gift Please etc) on an Invite. Period.
Trust me if someone wants to give you a gift (be it a boxed one, or a monetary one) they are smart enough to figure it all out for themselves… if they want suggestions they’ll ask… or to make it really easy for them you could set up a Wedding Website and give them the link (again tho NEVER mention gifts… just say “you can find out more details about our Wedding on our Wedding Website, the address is ___ “)
Hope this helps,
Post # 4
My mom said basically they same thing to me when we initially told her of our plans to get married at the beach – she used the “you know your grandparents arent going to be able to make it” line with me. So we put off making any wedding plans for a few months and then in December we told them again that we want to get married in Jamaica on May 26th. We gave our guests a short window to make arrangements – but that enabled us to have our small intimate wedding that we wanted, as not many people made the trip.
Are you having a shower – or is someone going to throw one for you? You should then register for gifts for that purpose and if people want to get you anything remaining on your registry as a wedding gift, then so be it. So I wouldnt make mention of gifts or registries or anything like that on your wedding invites – kinda tacky. (poor college kids or 30/40 year old newlyweds – gifts are still nice and appreciated!!!) Most people give cash for a wedding gift anyway (and it is considered propery etiquette to give a gift if you are invited to a wedding and cant make it).
As @This Time Round mentions – setting up a wedding website is a good idea. I used Wedding Wire for mine and there was a tab already created for Registries (weddingwire.com is a free service too). A nice subtle way to show where you are registered. And trust me people will find out where you are registered even if you dont tell anyone. There are only some many places to register for wedding gifts!
Its certainly not tacky to have an at home reception – alot of couples do this. And we have also given thought to having one as well for those who couldnt make it – or for those who werent invited to Jamaica – sometime this summer but I am exhausted from planning Jamaica that I dont want to do anything else – and I dont want to spend a ton of money on a second event either. So we are going to the beach by ourselves to relax instead!!
Do choose your at home reception invite wording carefully – you still want to make reference somehow that this is a wedding reception while not coming off like this is just a party. When you do send out your formal invitations – you should include an insert about the At Home Recpetion – and then closer to that date send out another invite.
I too hope this helps 🙂 Best wishes to you and your future FI!
Post # 5
We got a similar comment too. FMIL (same one who made the comment, incidentally) was the one who suggested having a reception in FI’s hometow, which we want to do.
Post # 6
Oh good point ladies about the bridal shower registry. I know I’ll end up having one of those, so I can just leave it up for people who would like to give gifts later on. I just worry about ending up with 10 blenders, or random things because people don’t know what we need.
Did anyone have any backlash/passive agressive anger from family that couldn’t be there?
I think the reception/wedding slideshow is a good idea. How much did you/are you doing for the hometown reception?
Location? Clubhouse? Hotel ballroom? Someones home?
Refreshments? Cake and Champagne? Full dinner? Fruit, Cake, pasta salads?
Post # 7
We didnt have any backlash or anger, maybe disappointment?? But I had a few family members looking into staying at other resorts (i.e. cheaper places) and someone would have had to spend money for guest passes since our resort was all-inclusive. Looking back I should have just said that we would pay for it right from the start, but I didnt offer and I didn’t say no to paying either. We werent sure who was coming (or not) and how many people would be staying away from our resort – it could have costed us alot of extra money had alot of people decided to go and stay elsewhere. In the end it was a non-issue and everyone stayed at our resort.
If anything my husband had some not-so-nice choice words for his parents who opted to not come to our wedding.
If you have a bridal shower registry I doubt you will end up with 10 blenders….you will, however, get stuff you dont want or need. But you should be able to return things with no hassle and then buy the stuff you want.
As I mentioned, we had thought about a AHR and we were going to have it poolside at my parent’s house and have a tropical theme to match our wedding. We were going to have a pig roast along with some upscale picnicy items. NO open bar but enough that no one should complain either. And yes to a cake and a fancy one too – since we only had a little cake at our reception. I really wanted to have a cake testing day and try out some different cakes but we never got the chance to do so since were were have a DW.
Post # 8
@Paiger8: We are having a destiantion wedding next year in May. Our whole idea for a destination wedding was to have an intimate wedding. We will probably have about 60 guests and that is not too intimate but also not too big. Some family members will not be able to make it but we are getting married here legally first and having a small immediate family dinner that they can attend instead. My mom wanted us to have a party here after the wedding but we did not want this since she basically jsut wanted to invite all her friends. Lets just say there were numerous figths between us and our parents over this wedding but they are beginning to see the light in what we want for our day.
Post # 9
Did any of you ladies do/are doing combo DW/Honeymoon? I’m initially planning on everyone flying there Wednesday, Have family “vacation” Wednesday, Thurs, Fri, Wedding Sat, Everyone (but me and the FH) fly home Sunday afternoon, and we have our honeymoon through Thursday or Friday. Anyone do something similar?
Post # 10
@Paiger8 – we did indeed have a WeddingMoon! But we arrived first on Thursday and then our guests arrived the following day, wedding was Saturday and our guests left on Monday as it was a holiday, and then we stayed alone til Thursday. I didn’t feel like we had enough alone time and i think our guests didnt have a long enough stay either. If I could do it over, we should have left Wednesday and stayed until the following Friday (10 days in Jamaica) and then our guest should have had anothad day as well. But money was a factor as we were spending enough for our 8 days and I know our guests spent a lot for their 4 days there too. We really didn’t factor our travel day there to be such a wasted day, but it was. But our wedding was amazing and our photos were wonderful and it will be something we will never forget!!
Post # 11
“Okay, if that’s your choice, but just so you know there are going to be a lot of people that would like to see you get married and they’re going to be disappointed.”
I feel your pain. FI and I live 800 miles from his family and 1500 miles from my family. We aren’t related to anyone in this time zone. All of our good friends left to other states. NO ONE IS NEAR US! So by default, it’s a destination wedding for everyone else.
Frankly getting everyone, even just he key immediate family here to our state has proven to be a big PITA. My side has to fly, his side has 15 hours in an RV. I hate the thought of one sister not making it (three sisters and that’s it between FI and I). Because if 20% of 16 is gone then that kind of ruins the whole immedaite family idea!
And because I wasn’t doing a big to-do wedding (simple mountain ceremony with a meal at a restaurant), I was COMPENSATING by offering to host a mini vcation for everyone. I don’t think it’s going to work out.
I feel your pain.
Either accomodate to them so that they all can be there, or learn with the idea that someone you love may not be there. It’s tough I know.
Post # 12
@Paiger8: Yes we will be staying at our destination for 10 days while our guests only stay for 7 days then we plan to take another small vacation a few months after our wedding 🙂
Post # 13
We ended up having a state-side destination wedding. We invited 100, expecting around half, and we had about 40 people come. One thing I had to learn was not to get upset when regret cards started coming in. We invited many people so they would have the option to come if they want but expecting lots of no’s.Honestly it was wonderful. Because it was road-trip driving distance for most guests (6-11 hrs away), those that truly mattered were able to find a way to come if not for an entire week than for a long weekend. My husband and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary in a few weeks and we were just talking about how we wouldn’t have changed a thing. We were happy that our closest family and friends could come . We didn’t feel like we were putting on a show for a bunch of people that we hardly ever see. It was for us! Everyone had a great time and we were both very relaxed on our wedding day.
Here is a pic from our Bald Head Island, NC wedding.
Post # 14
I don’t have time to comment right now but I will later!
Post # 15
@Paiger8: We did a weddingmoon. we left for the BVI on a saturday, got married on wednesday and left on the following Monday. I did not tell people ahead of time. My immediate family and most of my extended family was happy for me. I had one aunt who really wanted to be there and was upset enough to try and guilt trip me about it. My MIL was very upset, but only expressed this to DH’s siblings. He confronted her and she completely denied being upset. She has gotten over it at this point, I think/hope. I’m really happy with how we did things. Our wedding day was intimate, fun and stress free, so I felt I was really in the moment.
We are going to have a “we’re married” celebration in October. Still debating what this will look like. I’m thinking heavy apps, cake and drinks at a local wine bar, but I’m not sure.
Post # 16
We did an elopement DW and it was the best decision I have ever made (besides agreeing to marry DH, of course!)
Anyway, we did have to tell some people because we had sent STDs for our original wedding. Most people were very supportive. I also had many, already married people, tell me we did it the right way. We also chose not have any after parties because, to me, it was the same stress as planning a big wedding. I also felt like an after party was only to please other people.
The wedding was perfect, romantic and intimate. We were also able to put more money into our fabulous honeymoon instead. The planning process was stress-free and we are both happy we did it this way!