- 4 years ago
now I understand this is quite a common predicament for brides to come across, but here is the brief background…
Basically, neither myself or FH have had much support from our families about our engagement, and in general day to day things in life too, this includes poor health and when I lost my home due to no fault of my own. I would love to invite all my family, have the fairytale wedding with lots of smiling happy faces and feel like a Princess for the day, but I know that no matter that I have found the venue of our dreams that it is not actually the venue, catering or dress that matters, it is that 2 families unite and celebrate a day of love and joy and unfortunately that is just not going to happen.
We have not heard not one congratulations from a single soul from either of our families, and instead have been bombarded with demands for when we have it, where we have it, who is paying for transport so people can drink, is there a free bar etc. It seems that the only people who genuinely are happy are our close friends, this particularly hurts when you have 2 sisters and a brother none of whom could care less, and that has always been the case throughout our 6 year relationship. I never expected them to suddenly take on the role of over excited sibling or parent, but just to simply be happy that I am so excited would have been nice.
Now we have about 80 guests on our list at the moment, mainly family with our close friends invited, and I haven’t seen anyone on my Dads side in a good 15 years at least, and while I feel closer to the members on my Mothers side I haven’t seen or heard from them in a good 5 years aside from a happy birthday comment on my wall on facebook each year.
I would be incredibly hurt if I invited everyone and either A they came and clearly couldn’t give a fig about being there or B didn’t turn up at all, which is what I expect the vast majority of my Dads side would do. So my other option is to have our engagement photos taken this summer at my dream venue (a beautiful deer reserve with a manor house) so that fh and I can have that magical moment just the two of us and have that captured forever, and then have a ceremony with just our immediate family in our local town hall which is beautiful, and a dinner at a restaurant nearby. We already have one in mind, it has a smaller room that is beautifully decorated and is known for its amazing food and wine and it would be lovely in a cosy winters evening.
FH and I never wanted a massive all day/all night event anyway so this does seem like the perfect way round to do it, as much as I would miss having that one day I kind of hoped my family would help make us feel special I think I would feel even worse to have them all there and then not see them for another 20 years. At least this way I can have my immediate family there, even though they act like they don’t care they do protest at the thought of us eloping, and I do enjoy time spent with them on occasion when we get together for family dinner. Even though I know they are not there for me when it really matters, I have kind of just had to learn to enjoy the good times I manage to have with them.
Is there anyone who has had a similar situation and what did you do? Did you regret having a smaller wedding or did you regret inviting all your family regardless of the lack of support? I guess my biggest concern is with a small wedding will it even feel like a wedding at all if there is just 25 guests, I would be devestated if on the day it just felt like we had gone out for lunch on a whim, because I do want it to feel special, it is only once in a lifetime. FH would rather do it small and sweet as he doesn’t want family around who have never been there to even give us a phone call or support when we needed it and doesn’t see why we should all pretend to be one big happy family for the most important day of our lives when they clearly don’t care, he just wants to know that by the end of the day we are husband and wife and can set off on our honeymoon happy to spend the rest of our lives together.
Any advice is appreciated,I am doing my head over which is the better option, and while option 2 seems like the obvious one I am scared I will regret it 🙁