(Closed) Intimate Wedding – what to do about those not invited?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

Only guests invited to the wedding should be invited to pre-wedding events.

Perhaps you could have a shin dig after the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

When I first planned out our wedding (tiny budget) we had only 15 people originally invited to the wedding, and we were going to do the same thing you’re thinking of doing now. 

To me this seems perfectly acceptable, you are being realistic with what you have and your friends and family (not invited) will understand this. Try calling some of the people not invited and tell them your plans i.e. your party afterwards to celebrate your marriage. They will appreciate you keeping in touch and not forgetting about them. 

Everything you have planned from the bachelor/ette parties, to the after marriage celebration and then announcements is touching and approperiate for what you have to work with and in the long run everyone will be thankful that they were not forgotten or left out. Ultimately people just want to share the occasion with you and you are doing that to the best of your abilities. 

Good luck~

Post # 5
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree that I would skip the bachelor/bachelorette party if you’re not inviting people to the wedding.  Just throw a nice housewarming party when you’re ready.  Even if you throw a party post-wedding, you’re still going to have to host people.

Post # 6
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

We did the same thgig, had a big BBQ for the other folks that weren’t at the wedding, worked out great!

Post # 7
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I agree with @JoJoDahling: .  You are making the best effort possible to include the people you care about, even though you are not able to have a big wedding.  If a friend of mine was in the same situation I would still want to celebrate the occasion with them; I wouldn’t want them (or myself for that matter) to miss out on the fun of a bachelorette party just because circumstances did not allow a large wedding.  And since your friend is already offering to throw the party, I’m guessing they feel the same way.

Post # 8
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Usually people that go off to elope or have desitination weddings or small intimate weddings will have a really laid back party after or before the wedding to celebrate with those that cant be at the actual wedding. It can be really infomal and inexpensive but still a way to celebrate with everyone.

Post # 9
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would do celebrations after, not before, to avoid awkwardness, confusion, and possible resentment about the guest list.

Post # 10
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We are having a small private ceremony, and then having a reception where we will invite our extended family and friends.

Post # 11
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I would definitely do the post-wedding reception/housewarming party for all those that were not invited to that ceremony.  I don’t think I would want my bachelorette party to be that big of a party though…just my closest girls.  I agree with previous posts mentioning etiquette…if they aren’t invited to the wedding, they shouldn’t be invited to pre-wedding activities.  But I think your friends and family that is not invited would understand your wanting to have a small initmate affair to get that house! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

If my friend was having an immediate family only wedding but wanted me to come to the bachelorette party I’d be totally cool about it. A lof of people can’t afford the big affairs right now. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings, as long as their wedding was just immediate family.

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