(Closed) Intoxicated Meltdown. UGH, Vent, kinda long…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry you are upset. I can just speak from personal experience and tell you this: Your man will want to marry you, period. Forcing the issue is a waste of energy on your part and it only makes you more vulnerable. If a man dosen’t want to marry you, he won’t propose. Is there any reason whatsoever that you can think of that is holding him back now? Finances, etc?

Post # 4
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am sorry that happened and that you are feeling crappy πŸ™ I am the queen of getting drunk and making scenes, and have had my bouts of wedding obsession – luckily my BF takes it in stride most of the time πŸ˜‰ To echo the poster above, is there any reason holding him back now? Have you talked about it and can he pinpoint something concrete about why he does not want to get married now, or is it “just because”?

How long have you guys been together? For me, I just got to a point a couple months ago where I was like “look…I love you…we’ve been together for almost three years and I think both of us should know by now if we can see this, or want this to, last long term. You are very important to me but marriage and thinking about next steps to forming a family are also important to me. I want those things with you, but if you don’t want them with me anytime relatively soon, then we need to think about if this relationship is the right thing.” I didn’t give an ultimatum, but I made it clear that if we weren’t on the same page about such a big thing, we probably both needed to move forward with our lives, separately, and find someone who was on the same page w/us. It wasn’t easy accepting the fact that it might have been in the end, but I don’t think it’s wrong to want what you want and be willing to ask for it and seek it out and find someone who wants it too…or be willing to compromise on something comfortable for both and stick to it. When one person is just like, no, and refuses to talk about it, or doesn’t stick to promises or timelines made, that is a problem….

 

I hope you and your sweety can figure things out…hugs

Post # 5
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

My husband thought I was wedding obsessed too, which really I was. I forced the issue non-stop and so did our friends.. no one could understand why we weren’t married when we had a child together, and frankly, I couldn’t either! So finally I told everyone to cool it, and not to bring it up anymore and I also let it go. That was a year ago exactly…

Then 3 months later he surprised me one day and took me ring shopping and he made the leap… in a jewelry store! He got down on one knee and said, and I quote, “Jamie.. I want you to have the ring and wedding of your dreams because you are the woman of my dreams… I promise to love you even while you are a bridezilla- please marry me!?” and then he put the perfect ring that I had picked out on my finger, and we both cried out of happiness. People were literally taking pictures… it was amazing!

It was PERFECT. You just have to let it go for a while and focus on other things in your life that are important. It is normal to have breakdowns every once in a while because it is something that you as a woman wants SO much.. however, when men feel pressured they freak. It will happen when it is meant to (I’m sure you’re sick of hearing this but it’s true!) and when it does, all the hard times and waiting won’t matter anymore because you will have what you really wanted all along… the perfect man asking YOU to be his wife!

Post # 6
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@gocubbies: I hope you are feeling better, did he at least come outside to comfort you when you were crying? What bothers me is the “Why can’t we be us? like you said we are being us, you just want the us to move forward. He sounds like he is satisfied with how your relationship is and clearly you are not. Are you willing to wait for him to come around? How long are you willing to wait?

I see nothing wrong with expressing your feelings. If you are willing to wait express that to him, if you have a time frame express that to him. Everyone has expectations and if your SO is not meeting those expectations then let him know.

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